The Prodigal Son
by Inflamed
Summary: John Gage returns to LA after wrongly accused and begins again as a paramedic. Can he withstand the pressure and can his friends support him?
1. Chapter 1

Thanks for your patience. I have many stories in my head that have to come out. I write as stress reliever and well just because I have to write!! Anyway, I promise to finish all my stories in their own sweet time. They are my babies and call to me. Thanks for your patience.

The Prodigal Son

Roy DeSoto was reading the sports section looking at the horses and mentally placed his bets. It had been a slow day for calls and he hated slow days now. Days like these made him think of what if's and how comes.

"Roy," Cap'n Stanley called.

"Uh, yeah Cap," DeSoto looked up from his paper.

"There's someone here to see you. He's in my office." Hank frowned.

"Sure Cap," Roy stood up and his chair scraped the floor as he headed to the office. His other crew mates looked up from their various amusements and then went back to them.

"Uh, Mr. Conner," Roy put his hands behind his back and rocked on his heels.

"Mr. DeSoto," the lawyer said calmly setting his briefcase on one of the desks. "Um, long time no see."

"Yeah," the paramedic said tightly. "Is there a reason you're here?"

"Well yes. I know you and Mr. Gage were friends and well," Conner reached into his briefcase and pulled out a manila envelope. "You'll read it soon enough in the papers. We were hoping you could contact Mr. Gage and give him this."

"What you were his lawyer, you couldn't contact him?" Roy was pissed.

"I'm doing this as a courtesy Mr. DeSoto we don't have the resources to contact your friend since…"

"You took all his money defending him. So his retainer ran out did it?" Roy seethed but kept his voice calm.

"Yes in a manner of speaking Mr. DeSoto. IT has been a year. Anyway, the main witness recanted and Mr. Gage's name has been cleared. My firm did make sure that Mr. Gage can and will be reinstated at his original position, they can't deny him that," Connor spoke proudly. "So here," the attorney thrust the envelope at him and he grudgingly took it.

"Well thank you very much Mr. Conner," Roy grabbed the envelope and held it closely. "You have a good day now." DeSoto turned and headed back towards the squad.

"You too Mr. DeSoto," Conner turned the door banging behind him.

"Roy," Hank placed his hand on his right shoulder, "everything okay."

"Yeah, everything's just peachy Cap. Johnny's name is cleared a year too late and that damn lawyer wants me to find him. The SOB doesn't even have the courtesy to find him. OH and Johnny can have his job back." Roy snapped his fingers, "just like that."

"Sorry pal, let me know if you need any help."

Tones sounded as Roy threw the envelope in the squad as Craig Brice his partner joined him.

*****

"What are you going to do honey," Joanne looked at her husband.

Roy had read everything in the envelope, carefully put it back and now was turning the envelope over a few times before placing it on the table. The kids were in school so it was him and his wife.

"I wouldn't even know where to look Joanne. I mean Johnny disappeared off the planet, you know," Roy said sadly.

"Do you blame him? After his name was dragged through the mud and the way the department treated him," Joanne lamented. "I'm surprised he stuck around as long as he did after. The kids sure still miss him."

"Yeah, along with me. But honey, short of a private detective there's no way I'm going to find Johnny," Roy put his chin on his raised hand.

"Then hire a private detective Roy," Joanne held her husbands other hand. "You were, are friends. Johnny needs to know the truth."

"All right Joanne I will," Roy smiled.

****

At the private detective's office Roy squirmed in his seat and looked at the older man. After the few short years of knowing John Gage he really didn't know him. Gage knew all about him, but Gage's life was a mystery, he knew he wrote for the school paper, ran the 440, lived on a ranch at a reservation and joined the department six years ago. There were no family photos at his apartment other than with the guys and his family. His aunt called a few times but then there was nothing.

"I'm sorry I don't have much else to tell you. I do have his social security number, he gave it to me since I was his next of kin contact," Roy sighed heavily.

"Well Mr. DeSoto you gave me a lot more than other people have for finding people. It will take me awhile and I'll give you a discount since my old man was a hose jockey," the detective's eyes spoke volumes of respect.

"Uh, thanks a lot," Roy stood up and shook hands with the detective.

"Well be in touch," the man winked at him as he left.

********

AT the station, five sets of eyes looked at him after roll call.

"So?" Chet didn't hold back. "What did the detective say?" Kelly was leaning against the counter, the rest of the guys sat at the table.

"Well," Roy inhaled and crossed his arms. "I gave him a lot more to go on then other missing persons and he assured me it would take some time is all."

"What will you do if he finds Johnny?" Hank looked at his paramedic.

"I dunno yet. I could just mail him the envelope or call him. I haven't got that far yet. I mean I only hired the guy two days ago you know," Roy felt the pressure from his shift mates and was glad tones sounded.

In the cab back from the call, Brice looked at his partner.

"You know Roy mailing that envelope or a phone call sounds pretty cold to me," Craig stared out of the window.

"Cold? Cold! This from…"

"The walking rule book. Yes I know what they call me DeSoto and I knew all about the pool when I took Gage's place. But you know I'm right. I know Gage would do the same for you," Brice stated it simply.

Backing the squad into the bay, Roy turned off the engine and looked at his partner.

"But what would I tell him? What…"DeSoto threw his hands up. "I mean I wouldn't know where to…. You just don't understand Brice. You never will," Roy opened the door.

"Tell him the truth Roy. John will respect that if nothing else. Let him know he has to fight back to get his job back. You know he was railroaded for the good of the department."

DeSoto closed the squad bay, looking at his partner his mouth open.

"Better close that mouth DeSoto, you might draw flies," Brice exited the squad and headed towards the day room.


	2. Chapter 2

TPS2

Roy turned the pages of the magazine, not really reading them through another slow shift. It had been two seeks since hiring the PI and so far he hadn't heard anything. The man had sounded hopeful but now he wasn't sure it was a good idea. For a year he had watched his partner and friend fight for his life and career only to lose everything in the process. But the wheels of justice turned slow and now there were a chance at redemption, but was it far too late and far too little.

"Roy," Hank looked at the serious man.

"Huh?"DeSoto looked up from his magazine.

"Phone call, take it in my office," Cap pointed the way.

"Sure, Cap," Roy didn't notice the other men look at him leave. Phone calls in the office weren't always good.

Walking to the office he wondered if it would be good or bad news. Picking up the headset he stood just in case he had to go home.

"Hello."

"Mr. DeSoto," the detective answered. "You said to call you as soon as I had anything. Well I found your friend, John Gage."

The paramedic could feel his heart racing and quickly grabbed a piece of paper, took his pen from his pocket and wrote down the information.

"Thank you very much. I dunno…thanks." DeSoto sighed.

"You have to remember Mr. DeSoto it will be up to Mr. Gage if he wants to talk to you. I just found him you understand," he warned.

"Yes thanks again," Roy hung up the headset and stood there for a minute. Then headed back to the day room.

"Well?" Stanley looked at the grinning man.

"He found Johnny," DeSoto folded the piece of paper in his pocket and then headed to get coffee.

"So when are you going to see him Roy," Chet looked and smiled knowing his former pigeon had been found.

"I don't know Chet. I mean I didn't think that far ahead since I didn't know if Johnny could be found, besides what the hell am I supposed to say to him?" DeSoto took a long drink of his coffee.

"Hello," Mike smiled.

****

Roy had booked a red eye to New Mexico, land of enchantment or so the posters said. Home to Roswell and other supposed mystical places if you believed in those sorts of things. Anyway, he had one day trip planned going in between shift and partly because he wasn't sure what to expect. Tired from the long shift at work he had fallen asleep as soon as the plane took off since he had a long drive once he landed.

Once landed, DeSoto took his carry on with precious cargo and got his rental car, map and a quick fast food breakfast. **Paradise, New Mexico **is where Gage had ended up, but considering the hell he had before him maybe it was fitting for his former partner to land in Paradise. Anyway, he knew it was going to be a long drive; he turned up the stereo, rolled down the windows and paid careful attention to road signs. The beautiful vistas and bright sunshine meant nothing to him. HE was on a mission, uncertain at best since he didn't even know if Johnny would even talk to him.

Driving he watched as the sun rose and filled the morning sky with blues, greens, reds and shades of pink you'd never see in LA. Tapping his fingers on the steering wheel, Roy wondered if he should just turn the car around and head back home. Suddenly the manila envelope didn't hold a lot of promise and vindication he had thought. Maybe it would bring up more painful memories and regrets.

"_I can't stay Roy. Too many bad memories." John stood there in his driveway._

_Roy looked at worn and beaten partner. "But Johnny you don't have to leave the state. There are other paramedic programs and other places you can work."_

"_Too late Roy. I couldn't even get a job as a gas station attendant. My name and face have been plastered from one end of the state to another because I chose to fight. I'm real sorry Pally," John smiled, climbed on his motorcycle and disappeared into traffic._

Fight, yes just what he did. Gage was fighting for all paramedics because the rest of them were too chicken to do so and his former partner had paid the price.

Glancing at the map, Roy found he was on the outskirts of town and saw the sign **Paradise, New Mexico Pop. 500**. Five hundred souls and his friend were among them. Pulling into diner he decided to eat lunch before trying to find Johnny.

It was a classic diner, a silver trailer of sorts, grabbing a window seat he looked at the menu and ordered a club sandwich fries and lots of coffee. He ate in silence and watched as other cars drove through the lonely stretch of highway. Once finished he looked at his waitress.

"Excuse me ma'am. I wonder if you could help me," Roy smiled his best smiled since he was a complete stranger.

"Sure if I can," his waitress gave him back a smile.

"Um, I'm looking for my friend John Gage. Have you ever heard of him," Roy held his breath.

"You mean Roddy Gage? Never heard him called John before. You say you're a friend of his?" the waitress looked at him suspiciously.

"Yes from LA. I know Jo-Roddy from LA." Roy clasped his hands.

"Funny Roddy never mentioned he was from LA, you mean in California with all them movie stars and such," she put her pad and pencil into her pocket.

"Yes ma'am from Los Angeles. So do you know where I can find Roddy?" Roy left the money for the bill on the table and slid out and stood up.

"Oh, you can find Roddy working at the clinic today."

"Clinic?" Roy stuck his hands in his pocket

"Yeah up the road about a mile on your right. You can't miss it," the waitress walked him to the door. "You tell Roddy Margene says hello now."

"Yes ma'am and thanks," Roy walked to his rental and sat for a moment. _Roddy, not Johnny. Boy John Roderick Gage. Maybe I shouldn't have come after all._

The building was easy to spot, a flat adobe with a big clinic sign. Parking the car, Roy opened the door, slammed it shut and headed inside, now feeling the heat of the day. In the inside was a small reception area, reminding him of the clinic they had stopped at years ago from an ill fated fishing trip.

In the reception area were men and women of all ages, filtered music, worn chairs and of course magazines.

"Mrs. McKenzie's," a tall slim man called into the reception area. His black hair was so long he had it in a ponytail along with a full beard and moustache but the voice was unmistakable. He had a tied dyed shirt on, worn jeans and sandals and was awfully skinny in his mind.

"Johnny?" Roy asked in surprise his words spoken out loud at the change of his friend.

"Roy! Roy!" John came over, hugged him and patted him on the back.

"Johnny I can't believe it's you I..." Roy wiped away the moisture from his eyes.

"I got to get back to work Roy. Just give me a minute k?" Gage took Mrs. McKenzie's to the back and was back in a minute.

They went outside and Roy's mouth still stood open.

"Um I had to take her vitals for the Doc you know. Hey Roy I get off in a couple of hours. Meet me at the diner, you know the one up the road," Johnny pointed to diner where he had just been.

"Sure Johnny anything you say. I'll see you in a couple of hours." Roy watched as his former paramedic partner went back into the clinic, leaving him to ponder how Johnny was now a hippie.


	3. Chapter 3

PS3

Roy drove himself back to the diner and parked in front. He still couldn't believe how his old partner and friend looked. Sure Johnny always cut it close when it came to his hair but the patient was always first, no matter the danger to himself. Shaking his head he leaned back in the seat and waited.

_Roy had gone to Johnny's apartment to look for him. Opening up with his spare key he found an empty apartment. He recognized the manager._

"_Excuse me I'm looking for John Gage?" His blue eyes shuttered back and forth._

"_Oh Gage moved out a month ago sold all his stuff including his car, he said he needed it for legal fees. I'm sorry he didn't leave any forwarding address."_

A knock on the window made him look at his old partner.

"Hey Roy I finished early. Shall we?" John pointed to the diner all grins.

DeSoto opened the car door and followed Gage into the diner. They found an open booth and sat down.

"Roddy," Margene looked at Roy. "I see your friend found you." She popped her gum.

"Margene this is my good friend Roy DeSoto from LA," John watched as they were introduced.

"Nice to meet you, formally at least. Coffee?"

Both men nodded and got comfortable. Roy continued to have a big grin on his face.

"What?" Johnny shook his head.

"You Johnny you. I mean I'd thought I never see the day. I mean you were always cutting it close with your hair but this!" Roy pointed both his hands at Gage's face.

"Hey Roy no more rules you know, plus I got tired at looking at the same old face, you know," Johnny got silent and looked into his coffee cup.

"Yeah I'm sure you did." _Like in all the newspapers._ "But it takes come getting used to you know," DeSoto still had a grin on his face. "I'm just glad you were happy to see me is all."

"So how is everyone?" John looked at his friend. "Now why wouldn't I be glad to see an old friend Roy. I mean God has it been a year?"

"Well Mike got married he really wanted you to be there since you introduced her to him," Roy pulled out a photograph and gave it to Gage. "Keep it. Mike said to give it to you."

John gave a slight smile and then frowned. "Like goes on huh."

"Yeah, but it isn't the same you know," Roy frowned and played with his coffee cup.

Dinner was bought and the men ate silently lost in their own thoughts.

"Wow you're right this is really good, "Roy finished off his coffee.

"Then you have to have dessert," Johnny smiled. "Margene two apple pies a la mode."

"Coming up Roddy," Margene winked at him.

"You still have that Gage charm," Roy laughed, "Something's never change."

"Man yeah they don't. So tell me what else is going on at the station." Gage settled himself in the booth.

"Well let's see Chet studying for the engineer exam again and Marco is writing a cookbook. Cap's looking forward to his kids going to high school and," Roy took out his wallet and showed John photos of the family.

"Holy cow Roy you're kids are so grown up," Johnny frowned.

"They miss you Johnny. They ask about you all the time," Roy put back his wallet.

"Couldn't be helped Roy I had to get out of there," John lamented and sighed heavily. "It ended up being a bad scene Roy. Too heavy and uptight."

"I know Johnny but you did a lot of good you know. You made the union stronger and we're protected now." Roy smiled to see a blank expression on his friends face.

The check arrived and Roy took it. "Can't a guy buy his friend dinner?"

"Yeah sure," Roy placed bills on the table and they headed outside.

"Well Roy it was really good seeing you and all," John reached out his hand.

"Look Johnny is there someplace we can talk privately?" Roy had built up his nerve over dinner and stuffed his hands in his jeans pockets.

"Well in the diner, "John pointed, a place where everyone knew him, a safe place since friends from his past just didn't show up, suddenly.

"No Johnny really private. You got a place right?" Roy all ready knew from the detective.

"Yeah, but Roy it isn't much you know this isn't LA and…" John's hands went up. "I…Roy…aw hell."

"Please Johnny it's important," Roy begged.

"All right follow me," the former paramedic got on his bike and Roy followed in the rental.

They drove a few miles and turned into a dirt road and a small trailer park. Gage's seemed to be the smallest and he pulled his motorcycle in front, locked it up and Roy parked behind him. Reaching into the glove box the manila envelope felt like lead. Clutching it tightly he followed his friend into the tiny trailer.

Sliding into a small dinette, Roy noticed Gage had a cat and that's about it, dinette, small kitchen, bathroom and a tight sleeping area covered with an Indian quilt. There were no other personal things he could see, it was like Johnny didn't exist anymore.

"My castle," John's hands swept over the small space. "Beer?"

"Sure, why not," Roy placed the envelope on the table with his palms down, still sweating from holding his friend's future.

Popping two long necks John handed Roy a beer and then sat directly across him. His brown eyes scanned his friend's blue eyes and he looked at the manila envelope.

"Figured you didn't come to just say hi," John took a long draught of his beer, his brown eyes half masted and suspicious.

"Yes I did Johnny. So how are you really?" Roy looked at his friend. "How do you survive?"

"Man right to the heart," Johnny put a hand over his heart. "Well I work at the clinic and do odd jobs around town."

"And that's it?" Roy shrugged.

"Yeah Roy that's it, k." John pulled one long leg up to his chest. "I make enough for food, beer and rent. What else does a guy need?"

Roy looked at the envelope. "You know I rehearsed in my mind what to say. You know all these platitudes and right now they seem stupid. So here read it," Roy shoved the envelope at his friend.

Johnny opened the envelope and started reading. His eyes betrayed no emotion as he knew once more he could do the thing he loved. A paramedic back in LA instead of freakin nowhere. But did he want that again.

Roy watched as Gage read the documents. Nothing even close to surprise or happiness crossed John's face. DeSoto leaned back in the booth and thought maybe he had been wrong.

Gage set the documents on the table, took a drink of beer and sat back.

"Isn't that great! I mean you can come back to LA and…" Roy's voice bubbled over and his hands failing about.

"What makes you think I want to come back Roy?" John said slowly and deliberately as the pain he left back in LA washed all over him again.

"Well…um… just to prove to the bastards you were right, that's why!" Roy stammered.

"Roy, man maybe I'm tired of fighting you know," Gage took another drink of his beer, noticed it was empty, got up and got another one. Remembering the raking over the coals and how much his life was ruined once he decided to fight the department to get his job back. He had lost a lot, too much maybe then he'd care to admit.

"I don't buy that Johnny, otherwise you wouldn't be working at the clinic," Roy looked at his friend. "Sure it took a lot out of you. I just wished you'd let me help you."

"What and get you fired? When you have a wife and two kids, no way pally, no way," Johnny shook his head. "Besides it was my fight remember?"

"Yeah I remember," Roy sighed.

_They were at the lockers changing when Roy noticed how silent Johnny was._

"_You okay Junior," Roy looked as John slumped against his locker._

"_He said it was okay to go to Rampart, I heard him man. I heard him. Watson just caved man, just caved," Gage shook his head defeated. "Right Roy."_

"_Johnny I wasn't there remember," DeSoto said softly._

_The next minute John was nose to nose to his partner. "What are you calling me a liar, now pally?" Gage's nose flared and his eyes glared at his partner._

"_Of course I believe you Johnny. I know you don't lie," Roy's blue eyes locked into his partner. "I just wasn't there is all."_

_Johnny sat down again more deflated. "I'm sorry Roy it just got me bugged. The guy's a liar. I know it. I know it."_

"Well you know you don't have to make a decision right now, right?" Roy smiled. "I mean you are a natural paramedic, why else did you think I recruited you Junior."

"Yeah Roy but were not friends anymore," Gage said flatly. "I didn't want you to be collateral damage, but I heard that didn't happen."

"What do you mean collateral damage…and what about my partner?" Roy was speechless.

"Man, they stuck you with Brice. How low could they go and…"

"Johnny you're still my friend. How the hell do you know I have Brice as a partner?" DeSoto was slowly losing his temper and then he understood. "It's not going to work Junior."

"Man what work?" Johnny leaned back into the cushions.

"You know how to push my buttons but not this time. You even did it before you left didn't you?" Tendrils of information came pouring in as he remembered how skillfully his friend pushed him away. "Why Johnny? Why?"

"Man, I was protecting you. Why else? I could see they were going to use you to get to me. That's why I had to make sure…make sure you hated me," Gage took a nice long drink of his beer and looked at the table. "I'm sorry Roy I had to make sure and…"

"Johnny I never gave up on you. I knew about Chet, Marco and Mike and…"

"What do you mean you knew?" John's head shot up.

"Because of the way they were acting dammit and the minute I mentioned your name they'd clam up. You could' a stayed on my couch too Johnny. You know that don't you?" Roy sighed finally letting it out.

"NO, never. I didn't want you. Roy you're the…hell…I didn't want you to get hurt and I knew being a paramedic was everything to you and I knew they would pressure you and then… I wasn't going to be responsible for that, man. Man, I wasn't going to screw my best buddy over for anything," John wiped tears from his eyes. "Man I promised myself I wouldn't do this. I… knew you were coming after the detective talked to me. I… man this hurts too much."


	4. Chapter 4

PS4

John rubbed his hand over his forehead.

"Man I've been talking to Chet, you know. Checking up on you. Bad enough they saddled you with Brice and…" Gage sighed and looked forlornly at his former partner.

"Brice was the least of my problems," Roy clasped his hands together and sighed. "I shoulda figured it was Chet. You and Chet have..."

"Man we're friends. I mean. Look Roy I knew the crap you put up while I went through all the hearings, depositions and court proceedings. IT was the reason I stayed away. Chet told me all about the jerks you had to work with and…"

"Like I told the Cap I can work with anybody, I may have to bust their chops but I can work with 'em," Roy smiled. "It's all right Johnny really. Besides I have Joanne and the kids, they keep me centered you know."

"Man but Brice? How do you put up with him? The perfect paramedic," John shook his shaggy head.

"He and I have come to an understanding. I'm the senior paramedic, besides I think I've mellowed him out a bit," Roy said gleefully.

"Man you've mellowed out a guy who acts like there is a stick up his butt?" Johnny laughed. "Man, I find that hard to believe."

"It's true only after you mellowed me out, Johnny," Roy turned serious, "besides when you come back."

Johnny stared at him. "Roy, you can't be serious? You don't think we'll be partners again?"

Roy shrugged. "Why the hell not?"

"Well for one thing, if I come back they'll have these hoops I have to jump through and then if I pass them, they'll stick me in a deep, dark hole and hope I disappear or quit. Roy, that's what will happen, pally." Johnny crossed his arms and frowned.

"So," Roy smiled. "How bad could it be? You'll pass easy and then…"

"And what about the firefighter part, Roy? I'm not exactly in shape you know. Besides what makes you think I'll come back?" John looked at his former partner with curiosity.

"Of course you'll come back Johnny. Like I said you're a fighter and..." DeSoto looked at his watch, "Dammitt. Johnny I have to go." Roy stood up and reached out his right hand.

John reciprocated.

"Look Johnny you'll stay with us until you get on your feet okay?"

"Roy!" John was still standing there in shock.

"I mean the kids miss you something terrible." Roy headed for the door. "Their looking for their Uncle Johnny to pay a visit."

"ROY!?" John stood with his hands on his hips.

"Now I left our address and our phone number in case you forgot. I'll see you real soon."

Roy walked out of the trailer, waved then climbed into his car as Johnny watched.

"ROY HOW THE HELL DO YOU DO THIS TO ME!" Gage threw his arms up in the air.

Gage watched as the tail lights receded and pondered his next move.

Roy whistled as he drove back to the airport and pounded on the steering wheel, yes siree Bob John Gage would be back in town and there would no way to stop him or the asses who ran the department.

*****

Sitting in the dayroom, reality socked Roy in the gut, roll call and assignments had been assigned and he and Brice had a one call after another.

At lunch all the guys had expectant looks.

"Well how did he look?" Marco asked.

"Does he have a girl friend?" Stocker smiled.

"Well maybe you should ask Chet that," Roy pointed at Kelly.

"Hey man Roy I just talked to Johnny on the phone a few times exchanged a few letters. I never saw him in person, you know," Chet shrugged.

"Well," Roy was pissed, "How come you never told me about it, Chet?"

"Man, c'mon Roy, Johnny swore me to secrecy okay. I'm sorry. So when is he coming back?" Chet smiled broadly.

Roy stood up and walked over for more coffee. Leaning on the counter he sighed and then turned around.

"I wish I knew Chet. I wish I knew. I might have just pushed him too hard." DeSoto's shoulders drooped only to toned out and later to finish the conversation.

"Hey man you don't know that," Chet walked over to Roy. "You know Johnny he'll surprise us. You all see," Kelly played with his moustache and hoped he was right.


	5. Chapter 5

PS2

John blew hot air from his mouth into his frozen hands. At a truck stop right outside of Vegas, Nevada, he dialed an oh so familiar number.

"DeSoto residence," Roy answered.

"Hey Roy," John smiled as the voice brought comfort to his tired and worn body.

"So where are you at Johnny?" DeSoto's voice broke the din of Joanne calling her hellos along with the kids.

"I'm outside of Vegas," Johnny informed his old partner.

"Oh," Roy's voice got quiet.

"Hey Roy you didn't change your mind did you?" Johnny's heart fell; he was down to the basics, fifty dollars in his pocket and enough gas money to get to LA. He had all his worldly belongings in two saddlebags on his motorcycle. His sheepskin jacket along with three sweaters did nothing to break the cold winter desert.

"No, it's just I work tomorrow. I wanted to be home when you got here," Roy's voice wavered.

"Um, hey no problem I could..."

"You'll do no such thing. The guest room is ready and the rest of the family is dying to see you again. I'll just call from the station to see if you got in all right, okay?" Roy's voice brightened.

"Um, sure Roy. Did you tell Joanne what I look like? I wouldn't want the neighbors to get upset and..." Gage ran his hand over his beard.

"To hell with the neighbors Johnny. There just a bunch of busybodies. Anyway, I have to go dinner's ready and I'll see you day after tomorrow. I can hardly wait," Roy was smiling.

"You just want to get back at me for the chair Roy," Johnny laughed.

"No, just wait until you have two kids jumping into your bed. Anyway, talk to you later," Roy's voice hung there.

"Yeah, bye see you day after." Johnny heard the coins click and he looked at the vast empty desert and wondered if he had made the right choice.

The best he could manage was a run down hotel off the strip. Afraid of what he would find underneath the covers, he took his sleeping bag and laid it on top. His stomach growled but he didn't want to blow his money on a simple thing as food.

****

The bright desert sunlight and fierce wind made it a difficult journey to LA. John's small motorcycle seemed to have a mind of his own as he moved in and out of semis on the 15. He was still chilled and hoped the DeSoto's hadn't made a mistake having him as a houseguest. His legal papers were secured in his saddlebags and he knew he was closer as he made his way onto the 5 and rush hour traffic. A horrible misnomer if there every was one. With stop and go traffic, Gage felt he had inhaled all the fumes in LA.

Pulling up in the DeSoto driveway, Johnny felt his stomach twist in knots. He thought he would never see this place again. The front door opened and he was in a deep, hard hug before he knew.

"Johnny. It's so good to see you!" Joanne smiled and hugged him again.

"Hey Joanne, I'm not…" Gage blushed.

"You don't think I ever hugged a stinky man before Johnny? After some of the fires you and Roy fought I thought it would never get out of your hair. Well grab your things and come on in. You can take a shower while I make us lunch," Joanne stood as Gage grabbed his two saddlebags, slung them over his shoulder and followed his hostess into the house.

"Um, I don't know if Roy told you this. But thanks I mean it and…" John followed her in as the door shut and he stopped cold in the living room. Memories flooded his taxed brain and he had to stop tears from running down his face.

"Now go on you know where everything is. Let me know what you need washed. I know the kids are going to love it and I think you should take a nap before they come home. Knowing them they want to get reacquainted with their Uncle again. Now go," Joanne pushed him towards the bathroom.

Shaking his head, Joanne was a firefighter's wife and a take charge woman. Going into the bathroom he found some clean towels, washcloth and a bathrobe. The hot, moist water washed three days of dirt and grime from his body. Stealing quickly to the guest room where he stashed his bags he found the cleanest set of clothes he could.

Walking barefoot into the dining room he found lasagna, salad and garlic bread. He had a place setting with milk and coffee.

"Will you set and eat!" the brunette chided.

Sitting down John didn't stop eating until after his three helpings.

"Oh and Missy made oatmeal raisin for her favorite uncle," Joanne laid a plate piled high with cookies.

"Honestly Joanne I couldn't eat another bite and…"

"Mom, whose motorcycle is out front," Chris yelled and then stopped. "Uncle Johnny is that you?"

Standing up, Chris took a step back. "Sorry I didn't mean to…OMPH."

The boy slammed into his uncle. "I'm so glad you're home Uncle Johnny." Chris squeezed tighter.

"Uncle Johnny?" Missy said nervously.

"It's him! It's him!" Chris comforted his sister.

Before long the children had wrapped themselves around their adopted uncle and wouldn't let him go.


	6. Chapter 6

PS6

Roy opened the door of his house; it was quiet except for the ticking of the clock on the mantle and the drip of the coffee maker. Finding his wife in the kitchen, her back turned away from him, he hugged her, tickled her ears and kissed her on the neck.

"Bad shift?" She turned around and looked at his tired eyes.

"Yes and no. Brice can be a trial sometimes and I could hardly wait to see Johnny again. Where is he?" Roy looked around for his friend.

"Still asleep, Roy. You didn't tell me how skinny he had gotten," Joanne frowned. "We'll have to fatten him up, you know." She kissed Roy hard on the lips.

Hearing the kids come down, the parents stopped what they were doing.

"Hey Dad," Chris went over to his dad and hugged him.

"Hey Sport," he hugged him tightly.

"Aw Dad, I'm not a kid anymore. Isn't it cool Uncle Johnny's staying with us?" Chris sat at the dining room table.

Missy came right behind her brother, hugged her father, and sat across from her brother.

They were halfway through breakfast when John made his appearance.

"Sure smells good," the dark haired man made his way over to Roy. "Hey there, pally."

"Hey Junior, glad you're up. The guys were asking about you," Roy smiled as Johnny sat down and Joanne brought him breakfast.

"Oh. Should I be flattered or annoyed?" Johnny took a sip of his coffee and rubbed at his eyes.

"Um, flattered. You know they were the ones who wanted me to find you. I coulda killed Chet and . . ." Roy's eyes flared at the apparent lineman's betrayal.

"Hey, it wasn't his fault Roy. I asked him to keep it a secret. Wasn't the way I wanted to leave you know, and . . ." Johnny went back to eating.

It was hours later and the kids were at school. Joanne had errands to run and the men were on the backyard deck sipping coffee.

"Well Johnny I'm so glad you're back before long we'll be working again and . . ."

John stood up and looked at his former partner.

"Partners, huh? And I'm the crazy one. No Roy it ain't gonna happen; they're not going to let me ride with the darling and poster boy of the department." John stood there hands on his hips, lips pursed together.

"What do you mean, Johnny? I have a partner I don't like and . . ."

"Course they gave you Brice," Gage shook his head, "and hoped you'd transfer or quit."

"Why do you say that?" Roy now stood up; angry at his friend would think such a thing.

"Because they had to punish you in someway for being my partner Roy, but being the good fireman you were you didn't raise a stink and they got their point across. And there is no way in hell I'll be going to 51, just some deep dark hole, like I told you before," Johnny sighed and crossed his arms.

"But . . ."

"Hey Roy, I'm back to stay okay. Don't worry and the crap they throw at me, I'll wipe off and throw it back, 'kay?" Johnny grinned.

"Okay,"Roy grinned. "You're still one of the best."

"Yeah well there is one problem Roy," Johnny turned and looked at his best friend. "I'm afraid I don't have any manuals to study from and . . ."

"I'll take care of it Johnny. You just go to the Chief Engineer and give him hell for me." Roy winked.

"Yeah Roy, I'll send him your best," Johnny joined in his laughter.

For the next three days John enjoyed his time with the DeSoto's. He hadn't realized how much he'd missed his best friend and buddy. Joanne made sure he had plenty to eat and what little clothes he had were clean. Offering to help around the house, he was starting to get restless. Roy went to work and the former paramedic worked on the back yard to take the edge off. Sooner or later he would have to make an appointment to see the Chief and found out how badly he wanted to be a firefighter/PM again. His heart had fought with his head the three day trip to coming back to LA.

It had been a very long week and he had an appointment with the Chief. He dressed in his best jeans and shirt and made sure his unruly hair looked decent. He wouldn't shave until necessary and he enjoyed the thought of irritating the senior officials.

Waving, he climbed on his bike and made the drive to headquarters; instinctively he knew how to get there. After a long 18 months he still had LA in his soul. Pulling up to a parking space, he got off his bike and tried to get his ragged breathing under control.

Walking into the building he saw a lot of familiar faces but they didn't recognize him. He'd admit he grew the mustache, beard and long hair to hide. The press and the department had been ruthless, making him the perfect scapegoat for an imperfect system. His hands shaking, he wiped them on his jeans, smiled, and headed to the secretary.

"Um John Gage to see the Chief," the dark haired man spoke confidently, ignoring the rolling waves of uncertainty in his stomach.

The secretary looked him over like something from outer space and told him the Chief would be with him shortly.

Grabbing a seat, John took out his copy of legal documents, having no doubts they had received copies along with all the concerned parties. Crossing his legs, he absentmindedly picked up a latest copy of JEMS and leafed through as he watched a few men in suits make their way to the chief's office. No doubt the legal eagles that had gotten him canned in the first place. He was glad at least to see them eat crow.

"You can go in now," the secretary stated.

Putting the magazine down, he opened the door to the very large office of the chief. It was filled with numerous citations, plaques and all things fire related. It reminded him of the high priced lawyer Roy and he had to hire when they were accused of stealing money from a victim. They were vindicated then and now he was vindicated.

"Have a seat, Gage," Chief Gates pointed to a chair. "Coffee?"

"No thank you," Gage kept his voice even and cool, thinking of the many times he had talked to stressed out victims, and not needing the extra caffeine to jangle his already fragile nerves.

Gates didn't seem the least surprised at his appearance, no doubt warned by his secretary and maintaining his fireman demeanor. Cool heads always prevailed.

"Well we all know why we're here," Gates looked at him. "I'm sure you remember Mr. Hightower and Mr. Fitz."

"Yes," John looked coolly at the two lawyers. "How could I ever forget them."

Both lawyers flinched and then kept their courtroom faces.

"Be that as it may, after discussing your case with our legal department," Gates sounded crestfallen. "We have no choice but to reinstate you to your original rank and salary, baring recent raises and such."

"All right," John smiled hearing the golden words.

"Of course this is dependent on your requalification as both paramedic and firefighter. Also, it is up to our discretion to assign you to any station where there is an opening or a floating position until there is an official opening since your previous station is completely staffed." Gates clasped his hands on his desk, impatiently.

John smiled, knowing what would come next.

"Do you agree to these terms?" Gates looked at the lawyers and the John.

"Yes, however, when can I transfer?" Johnny looked back at Gates, knowing department policy.

"Well seeing as you are a returning county employee you have to wait the mandatory year before being reassigned and that's if, and only if there is an opening and the current cap and crew will accept you. This is straight from the manual," the Chief stated.

"All right then. I agree to that. Now what?" Johnny leaned towards the big desk.

"Well since you have been out of the fire department for some time and the settlement requires us to give you satisfactory time for certification we have decided on four months to determine your eligibility to be reinstated," Gates held up his hand expecting something.

"Seems reasonable," John grinned again, seeing it unnerve his soon-to-be superior.

"All right then, we will give you four months to schedule both tests and you can also do it before the agreed upon time. However, you only have one chance Gage. One chance. Do I make myself clear?" Gates looked at the lawyers for confirmation.

"Yes sir I understand and I'll let you know when I'm ready to be tested," Gage stood up.

"One other thing, Gage. You'll be expected to meet the requirements for facial hair concerning the safety issues. Any variations can and will be subject to the rules and regulations of this department," Gates said gruffly putting him on notice.

"Yes sir. See ya in four months. Gentlemen," Gage shook each man's hand and left the office, grinning like a hyena. Walking out of the building his heart was much lighter and his fears lessened.

Getting on his bike, he gunned the engine and headed over to 51 to break the news to Roy. Seeing the familiar building lifted his tired heart even more. He was going back to the thing he loved most, helping people and fighting fires.

Pulling his bike into the outer office he found Hank slumped over paperwork, Stanley's normal position when not fighting fires.

"Hey Cap," Johnny grinned.

Hank looked up, stunned at the hippie on his doorstep. "Who are you?" he asked, getting up from his chair and approaching the apparently lost man.

"Hey it's me, John Gage," Johnny whispered conspiratorially.

"Hell, I didn't even recognize you," Hank offered a hand. "Glad to have you back."

"Glad to be back. Roy around?" John grinned again, waiting to tell his friend the good news, without telling him all the details until later.

"Yeah, they're all in the dayroom. Good to see you John," Stanley patted him on the back as he walked to the dayroom.

"Hey," Johnny waved to the assembled men.

Roy immediately got up and looked at Gage.

"How'd it go?" Roy's intense looked forced John to smile.

"It went great pally, just great," Johnny grinned.

"Hey aren't going to introduce us," Chet came in from the bay. "Never thought you'd know anyone like this Roy."

Roy looked offended. "Know anyone like who, Chet?" The paramedic crossed his arms.

"Like, man a hippie. You know," Kelly backpedaled.

"Well Chet, there are a lot of things you don't know about me and you know what they say about assumptions, don't you?" Roy's eyes flared.

"Um, no," Chet choked.

"Don't assume anything," Johnny winked, " because you'll make an ass out of you and me that's what Chet."

"Johnny is that you under all that hair," Marco came over to inspect the visitor.

"Yeah it's me Marco. Can Roy and I talk alone, guys?" Gage looked at his former shift mates except for one.

"Oh Johnny this is Craig Brice," Brice stood up from his book and looked at Gage.

"We met at a conference." Brice proclaimed.

"Yeah well that's nice. Roy," John pushed his friend out to the backyard.

"All right Johnny what's up?" Roy leaned against his car as Johnny stuck his hands in his jean pockets.

"I got four months and one shot Roy. Their giving me one fricken' shot." Johnny looked at the ground.

"No problem," Roy smiled. "Look I'll exercise with you since I'm getting out of shape and help you study."

"But Roy . . ."

"I have books Johnny besides you were helping at the clinic. It will all come back to you. You'll see," Roy patted John on the shoulder. "Hungry? I think Mike is fixing chicken.

"Of course I'm hungry; I couldn't eat going to the damn appointment."

"Good deal, let's go."

**Tones sounded.**

"I'll see ya at home tomorrow, Johnny. We'll celebrate tomorrow night." Roy waved as he made his way to the squad.

The sirens sent John's heart racing and he bit back his fears.


	7. Chapter 7

PS7

John waited as both the squad and engine pulled away for their call. Soon, very soon, he would feel the adrenaline rush and know he was helping someone and saving them.

########

Eating breakfast with the DeSoto's John could hardly wait to be alone with his best friend. Roy really had to know what was going on and how his one chance meant everything to him.

"You okay Johnny?" Roy smiled at his friend.

"Huh, you say something?" John looked confused.

The children laughed and Joanne glared at them. "Are you done?"

"Yes Mommy," both children said.

"Fine, please get ready for school," Joanne stood up and started clearing the table.

However, the fallen paramedic looked at the huge stacks of books on the table. His future was in those books and he hoped he remembered everything. Suddenly returning to his old life seemed overwhelming along with the responsibilities. Would he be up to the task?

Roy watched as Johnny's stare focused on the manuals on the table. He had found his and culled them from Dr. Brackett at Rampart. He wasn't sure if the doctor would help him or not. He remembered the day, right before Gage was suspended pending investigation.

"_So," Brackett watched as John brought in their latest victim. "You sure you're in the right place." Brackett's eyes seemed to be burning into John's back._

"_Look Doc, I don't care what you think he said or didn't say," Johnny pointed to himself. "But I know the truth."_

"_Well truth is relative," Kell stated. "Everyone has their own truth Johnny, and self preservation is one of them."_

"_Well I hate to burst your bubble, doc. But," Johnny pointed to himself, "victims come first and if you haven't figured that out about me by now, you never will." He turned on his heel leaving the doctor speechless._

"So I say we start running," Roy smiled as he looked over the manuals, "I got some second-hand weights and we go from there. Besides I could get back in better shape, you know." He punched his ever growing belly.

Johnny flipped through one of the books and was still caught up in his future.

"Hey Johnny," Roy tried again seeing the glazed look on his former partner.

"Hey Junior!" DeSoto tapped Gage on the shoulder making him jump.

"All right Johnny just what the hell is going on?" Roy leaned forward looking at his lost friend.

"Roy, it's just…" Gage closed the book. "Am I doing the right thing?"

"The right thing? God, Johnny you were born to be a paramedic. You can do this. I know you can," Roy said softly.

"All righty then. Let's hit the books," Gage smiled making Roy feel better.

#########

Over the next few weeks, Roy and John would climb out of bed and run through the neighborhood. Roy could barely keep up with his former partner as they ran. More often then not, he was winded and would take breaks. However, he noticed John's confidence increasing and Gage's knowledge coming back.

Coming back one morning, Roy noticed John's long hair dripping and his back soaking wet. John's hair had seemed too grown longer along with his mustache and beard.

"So tell me when you're going to get this cut?" DeSoto picked up a lock of hair and felt the weight of sweat on it, even though Johnny had tied it back.

"Later, when I need to," John took a long drink of water and avoided Roy's question. His hair could wait until at least he knew he had passed the two tests.

"Believe me Johnny getting it cut will make life easier. I never understood why you kept it long in the first place and . . ."

Gage frowned. "You didn't know? C'mon Roy chicks dug my long hair and . . ." Hunched over John was loathe to admit it, but his little nest egg was fast dwindling.

"You know Johnny I need to go to my barber tomorrow after shift want to come with me?" Roy smiled knowing his friend didn't have much money.

"Um, I won't be a bother Roy? I mean I'm eating your food and living here and I'm not doing anything and . . ."

"Not doing anything? Johnny you know how much yard work you've done? You worked on the roof and too many things to name. Now look if you're so worried you can pay me back after you're on your feet, kay?" Roy tried to set his friends mind at ease.

"All right Roy, but I'm thinking of keeping the mustache you know. That's allowed, with my hair high and tight I got to do something," Johnny grinned.

"Hum, you with a mustache. We'll see partner we'll see," Roy grinned.

#########

Roy quickly changed noting the few extra notches he had to tighten on his pants, yes running and exercising was paying off. Joanne had even noticed his extra energy. However, he had never seen Johnny with so much doubt.

"Hey you're looking good," Marco smiled as Roy leaned against Big Red.

"Well," Roy blushed, "It's because of Johnny." He was proud of his friend.

"Gage?" Chet snickered, "What did he do this time?"

"Well he got me in shape for one thing," DeSoto patted on Kelly's protruding belly. "We're up every morning at five running and then on my days off we do weights. Johnny's using the kids to train with when I'm not there."

"Well that's great Roy," Stanley came in. "I think we should follow Roy's example since you never know when you'll need it. And no more weird diet kicks Chet," Cap warned the lineman.

"Very funny Cap. I was only looking out for your health," Chet griped.

It was a long, normal shift. Roy's mind was on his friend and he needed some way to boost his friend's failing ego.

At dinner he had decided. "Hey guys, we're going to throw a welcome home barbecue for Johnny in a few weeks, interested?" Roy felt his stomach turn as he waited for an answer.

Five sets of eyes looked at him.

"Count me in," Marco piped up.

"Yeah I want to torture my pigeon," Chet laughed.

The rest of the crew chimed in, even Brice. "That's great, really great," Roy smiled. _Now if I can get Johnny to go for it._

##########

Roy frowned as he came into the house. Johnny was hunched over the books and Joanne was doing laundry.

"Hey Roy," Johnny got up and stretched. "Rough shift?"

"Um, not really. Let me get some coffee," Roy made his way to the kitchen and poured himself some coffee and then returned to the dining room.

"So how's it going?" Roy picked up one of the manuals.

"Hard. Harder then when I first tested, you know," Gage shrugged; at least then he had more chances. "It's just . . ." He swiped his hand away, "Never mind."

"What Johnny?" Roy took a sip of coffee.

"One chance, Roy. One frickin' chance and then what?" Johnny slammed the book closed.

"There are other paramedic programs Johnny. Orange County, San Diego. You've been cleared remember?" Roy tried to bring a bright side up.

"Yeah, think any of them will have me?" Johnny's jaw tightened. "Not like I'll get any glowing recommendations, you know.'

"Yeah Johnny you're one damn fine paramedic, why else do you think I wanted you as my partner, huh?" Roy laughed.

"Yeah, well you didn't know what you were getting into and would you stop Joanne already?" Gage took another book and opened it, turned another page on his notebook and poised his pencil ready to write.

"Stop what?" Roy was clueless.

"She's trying to fix me up Roy. Can't she at least wait until I'm hired?" Johnny grinned.

"Yeah I'll talk to her. Um, Johnny I was thinking of inviting the guys over for a barbecue and . . ."

"Sure Roy tell me and I get out of the way and . . ."

"Johnny it's for you," Roy blurted out and blushed.

"Huh? The guys want to see me?" Johnny was shocked. "But after all that's happened?" Gage could remember the reporters at the station bothering the firefighters and the court battle where it seemed only Roy had shown up.

"Yeah Johnny. Since you're going to be working again and . . ."

"I don't know if that's such a good idea Roy," Johnny chewed on the end of his pencil. "I mean I only got a short time to study and train and . . ." Gage gulped. "Maybe better wait until I pass, 'kay?"

"Johnny you got to take a break, you're worrying yourself to death. It's only a barbecue. The guys have been dying to see you and well," Roy threw up his hands. "I can't say no."

"Roy . . ." Johnny grinned. "All right as long as it's just the guys, you know the usual gang. Even your partner."

"Okay Johnny, promise," Roy patted Gage on the shoulder, relieved he had agreed.

#######

"Hey Johnny, what happened to the hair?" Chet zoomed on Gage's new haircut.

"Well for one thing, Chet," Johnny said with authority, "it's not so hot when you fight fires, along with exercising, you know." Gage took another sip of his beer, quelling his ever growing fears.

"Well I'm still with in regulation, right Cap?" Kelly looked to his superior for assurance.

"If you say so Chet; we'll see what McConkiee says next time we see him," Hank gave a wicked grin to John.

"Um, if you'll excuse me," Chet departed quickly.

"Thanks Cap. I forgot how Chet can get on my nerves," Johnny exhaled and looked at his old friends.

"My pleasure John. How have you been? I know you've been getting Roy into shape; he's running us all ragged," Hank laughed.

"Well I'm going to get another beer," Johnny walked over to the cooler to pull out some more beer when Mike's wife came over. Gage had noticed Roy was at the grill and his stomach grumbled in protest.

"Hello Mr. Gage," Janine Stocker offered her hand. "I guess we haven't been formally introduced."

"Johnny, my friends call me Johnny," Gage offered his hand and she took it firmly. He hadn't had a chance to talk to the new wife since the guys had ganged up on him when he came outside with the munchies.

"You know Roy said Mike said I introduced you but to be really honest I can't remember you," Johnny gave his goofy grin and continued to try to remember where he had met her. He could tell she was intelligent, pretty and sociable, but for the life of him he couldn't remember because personally he would have asked her out.

"Well not really," Janine blushed, "I was at your apartment . . ."

"You're a neighbor then?" Johnny popped his beer.

"No," she shook her head, her golden locks reflected in the hot summer sun. "This is so embarrassing."

Then it hit, a sucker punch to the gut. She was the reporter who was banging on his door, when the plaintiff wasn't getting enough action from the county or the fire department and went straight to the press. It had been a horrible shift with too many fires and rescues to mention, he had been totally exhausted when this damned reporter wouldn't leave him alone, she needed a damn quote. Mike had shown up and tried to stall her.

Johnny felt his chest constrict and he couldn't breathe. Mike had married her! Suddenly he couldn't stay; he needed some air. Finding Roy behind the grill he made his way over, each step painful.

"Roy, man," Johnny huffed. "I got to get out of here."

Roy turned to see Gage ashen faced. "Johnny? You okay?"

"No, can't stay I need some air," Johnny looked at all the faces and the past came slamming into him. The past year of fighting for his professional life swirled around him like some firestorm.

"Johnny," Roy tried to grab Johnny's forearm as he quickly walked through the house to the garage.

"Joanne, honey could you watch the burgers, please," Roy handed her the spatula and quickly ran after Gage. He found Gage already on his motorcycle with the color drained from his face.

"Roy I'm sorry man," Johnny inhaled. "Just can't do it. Promise I'll be back." Gage pushed himself and his bike away from Roy, started it up and burned rubber leaving, each mile separating Gage from all the hurtful memories.

Roy stormed into the backyard, looked at the responsible person, and his chin fell on his chest. Turning the hamburgers he no longer had an appetite for, he put them on a platter and practically threw them on the picnic table.

"Burgers are ready," DeSoto growled, turned abruptly through the open screen door and found himself in the kitchen. Holding tightly to the sink, he slowly cursed at himself.

Joanne found her husband, white knuckled in the kitchen.

"Roy," her voice tinged with concern and worry.

"How could I have been so stupid?" Roy shook his head. "I mean, I'm supposed to be his friend."

"Roy, honey, it was an honest mistake. She's . . . she's Mike's wife and Johnny hasn't been around. He'll forgive you honey, you know Johnny," Joanne said hopefully.

"I know babe but can I forgive myself?" Roy wrapped his arms around Joanne and they held each other tightly as their guests ate in restrained silence.

########

Johnny was on an overlook over Griffith Park in the foothills. He had parked his bike next to bench, folding his long legs to his chest and held them tightly. Fear, humiliation, grief, anger and hate filled his mind. By the time he had left his precious Rover had been trashed so much it was scrap, he had to move if only for privacy, but it didn't matter where he was, the reporters all seem to find him. The hate mail, along with other unmentionable behaviors needed to be buried deep in his soul, where they had been for the last eighteen months. Getting his ragged breathing under control, he squeezed his eyes and filed away all the hurtful memories, of friends he once trusted who turned on him and of the one thing he loved being torn from him. Shivering, he realized he had no idea how long he had been at the park.

Trying to warm up he knew it was time to go back to the DeSoto's home. The engine warmed him up the cool breeze only made him wish he was in a nice warm bed. Once home, he carefully put his bike in the garage, shut it and went through the garage door quietly. It didn't work.

Roy stood up from the couch looking at his colorless friend.

"Sorry Roy I didn't mean to wake you," a clock chimed two in the background. Even in the moonlight Gage looked horrible.

"It's all right Johnny. I'm really sorry about this . . . I . . ." Roy lifted up his hands in forgiveness.

"Hey Roy it's all right," Johnny brushed one hand away. "I'm real tired. How about we skip our morning run tomorrow—or should I say today," Gage grinned.

"Sure Johnny, I'll see you in the morning. Good night." Roy headed upstairs.

"Good night Roy," John headed towards the guest room.


	8. Chapter 8

**As to my other stories I'm working on them and my beta is now on a different schedule. I'm getting ready for a number of things which will take up my time. Tax season is fast approaching and I need to get my hours in along with getting my health in order. Please be advise I will finish all my stories, but each requires a different mindset to write them. For me I write them finished all in my head, and then rewrite a few more times even before I put them down in the computer. Patience is a virtue I learned a long time ago and also with life. Thank you again for your patience.**

PS8

Johnny quickly stripped to his underwear and for the first time in eighteen months he cried himself to sleep.

Roy tried to undress as quietly as possible so not to wake his wife. He wasn't successful

"Roy," Joanne whispered, looking at the worried and frightened face of her husband. "Did Johnny get home?"

The sandy haired man climbed into bed and hugged his wife fiercely. "Yes," he whispered. "He looks bad, Joanne. How could I have been so stupid?"

"Roy we all forgot about it and we didn't tell Johnny Janine no longer works for the paper and she's on our side. Johnny will understand," Joanne kissed her husband.

"I sure hope so, because right now he looks like crap. I love you Joanne," Roy hugged his wife and kissed her, and they snuggled together and fell asleep.

#########

It was nine am and the kids were quietly watching television when the DeSoto's came down. Remnants of cereal and milk sat on the kitchen table and there was no sign of Gage. Clearing up the table, Joanne started making pancakes and sausages.

Roy kept on checking Gage's door and hoped his friend would emerge soon. Breakfast done and over with Joanne sent the kids to get ready to go to the park.

"Just talk to him honey. Johnny will understand," she kissed him and herded the kids out.

Johnny found himself at four am screaming his head off from a horrible nightmare the likes of which he hadn't seen since the trial and the images more vivid and twice as painful. Waves and waves of emotions and images pounded into his head. He shook and shivered and didn't fall asleep again until the sun started to rise. He was mentally and physically exhausted. It took awhile to fall back asleep but he did.

Not looking at the clock, Johnny threw on what he had on last night and headed towards the kitchen. He heard Roy in the backyard mowing and made himself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a glass of milk. Standing up and leaning on the counter he found he just didn't have enough energy to go to the dining room. The banging of the slider door brought him out of his funk.

"Johnny?" Roy's concern and worry were etched on his friend's face; some things never changed. DeSoto noticed it was two in the afternoon and his friend look worse than before.

"Hey Roy," Gage tried a half hearted wave only to feel himself dizzy. Before he knew it he was at the table with a cool cloth pressed against the back of his neck.

"Look Johnny I'm really sorry about last night. I guess we got used to everything and I treated it like you never left. I'm really sorry. Hell we all are," Roy heard Joanne and the kids come in. Roy couldn't but help notice the dark circles and grim look on his friend. But like always, Johnny tried to deflect any pain from himself.

"Johnny!" Joanne was quickly by his side. "Let me make you a proper lunch. Kids why don't you go out to the back yard and play."

"Sure Mom, you want to talk about grown up things. C'mon Missy, lets leave Uncle Johnny and Mom and Dad for now."

Missy smiled and waved as Chris led them outside.

While Joanne was in the kitchen, Roy looked at his weary friend.

"You know Johnny maybe you'd better cool it for awhile, I mean the studying and training. You need to give yourself a break," Roy offered and knew he meant it.

"Roy, you don't seem to understand I got one chance, one fricken' chance and then I think I'm done," Johnny surmised, still reeling from the previous night's nightmares and memories.

"Johnny you've just been working so hard is all. Just take a break, you'll see it isn't as bad as you think," Roy patted his friend on his back as Joanne presented both men with a meal of hearty leftovers.

"Roy is right," Joanne sat next to her husband. "You've been pushing yourself real hard and it's taken its toll. Again I . . . we're really sorry about last night. How about we go to the beach tomorrow?" She sounded hopeful. "You've been here almost two months and we haven't gone to the beach. I think that will change your attitude."

"Um, the beach huh," Johnny took a couple of bites of his lunch and took a long drink of milk. "I think I like that idea. There are no California girls in New Mexico."

#########

Bright and early the DeSoto's and Gage loaded themselves into the car. Coolers were filled along with beach towels, blankets, fire wood and beach chairs as well. Johnny still looked worse for the wear and his friends hoped the salt air and scenery would get him out of his funk. Roy assured Johnny no one at the station felt ill will towards him and again he could no way understand what his friend had gone through.

Giving in, Johnny's quirky smile made a small appearance as the kids snuggled closer to their adopted uncle as they fought traffic to Doheny.

Roy and Joanne had been right, just listening and watching the waves along with the pretty bikini clad girls reset Johnny's mind. Building sandcastles with the kids leaving alone time for Roy and Joanne made Johnny feel better. He'd been living with his friends too long and he had already come to a decision for when he became a paramedic again. Oh he knew he could pass, just like his friend suspected but he wasn't worried about passing it, but what came after. What crap hole station would they assign him to and force him out, one way or another. Gage knew he was a horrible black mark on the LA County Fire Department, name cleared or not. Now he would have to find his inner strength to beat the bastards at their game.

"Hey Johnny, time for lunch," Roy called out to his exhausted friend.

Johnny got up, dusted himself off and headed to lunch, finding hot dogs, chips and s'mores. Food had never tasted so good.

"Hey Roy I think you're right; I just needed a change of scenery to get my mind straight. But I know passing is easy, it's getting through the rest that's gonna be hard." Johnny smiled and hugged Joanne. "Did I ever tell you guys how much I appreciate you being here for me? I mean it, thanks doesn't even begun to cover it and believe me I'm gonna pay you back, somehow, someway."

"Johnny!" Joanne protested and hugged Johnny. "With that mustache you're going have to beat the girls back."

"Well Joanne, Roy its one step at a time. C'mon don't you have any more food around here?"

Roy laughed and so did everyone else. But Roy knew Gage was right, passing was easy, the next part was going to harder than anything his former partner had been through, or so he thought.


	9. Chapter 9

PS9

Johnny worked harder then he had in his life the last two remaining months before being tested. He called headquarters to find his tests were the same day, to view him under actual conditions they said.

He had three more weeks to get ready and then one chance, one chance to become a paramedic again. Gage was on edge but tried not to show it; the DeSoto's had given him so much and he wasn't going to let them down.

Roy had noticed his friend had changed; it seemed when they ran in the morning, Johnny was intense in a way he had never seen him before.

"Why don't we slow down?" Roy stopped still trying to catch his breath. The men had been running the track at the high school and Gage was like a man possessed.

"Tired old man?" Johnny laughed; sweat dripping from every part of him. Roy watched as it hit the dry dirt.

"You," Roy inhaled, "okay," Roy put his hands on his knees and tried to take deep breaths.

"I'm fine Roy. Just fine," Gage said through clenched teeth.

"You are not fine. Joanne told me you called headquarters for a date," Roy slowly moved himself up and looked desperately for a drinking fountain.

"Yeah, yeah I called for a date, the bastards," Gage shook his head trying to push down the fear.

"And?" the sandy haired man looked at his panic stricken friend.

"Both tests are on the fricken same day, some BS about under actual conditions. See, they plan on giving me the physical tests in the morning. Three hours of brutal physical exertion and then a fricken half an hour for lunch then the paramedic exam. They want me to fail," Johnny eased himself to the ground.

"I can see their point," Roy voiced cautiously.

"Sure you can see their point," Johnny sighed, "I can too. But…I don't think I can do it."

"I know you can Johnny. You're one of the best," Roy tried to boost his friend's hurt ego.

"Okay, I have a plan," Johnny grinned and Roy frowned.

"What's your plan?" Roy was still trying to catch his breath.

"Well I want to get ready for the next three weeks under my actual test conditions," Gage said plainly like it was a walk in the park.

"Johnny, are you nuts? I mean what exactly, they let you shower and have lunch right?" Roy wondered if the department would ever give his friend a fair shake.

"Listen Roy if those mothers want war, their going to get it. Are you going to help me or not?" Johnny was angry; he wanted his damn job back and no one was going to stop him.

"Okay what about when I'm working?" Roy scratched his head; a spark in his heart a little bit of his old friend was back, the nutty part.

"You can make up extra tests and give them to Joanne, with the answers, "Johnny offered his hand. "Deal?"

DeSoto wiped his sweaty hand on his sweaty shorts and shook his hand. "You're still nuts Johnny." Roy laughed, forcing his friend to join in.

"Good deal we start today. Why don't you go home and I'll meet you in a couple of hours, pally," Johnny stood up ready to run again.

"You had this planned all along didn't you," Roy wiped his wrist band across his face.

"Nope just came to me. See ya!" Johnny began to run the track again as Roy started to limp back home.

#######

Those three weeks flew and Johnny hadn't worked harder in his life. He could tell he had been a heavy load on his friend with the tests.

"C'mon Roy I only got twenty right out of thirty," Johnny threw his pencil down and pushed away from the table.

"Johnny you're pushing yourself too hard. You need to take a break. Those tests…"

"Roy these tests are the only thing standing between me and being a paramedic. Don't ya get it?" Johnny's voice strained and he pushed his hands through his still wet hair.

"Johnny, believe me you need to take a break. You need to calm down and relax. I'm not going to test you any more and you're going to relax," Roy stood up and looked into his friend's fearful eyes.

"But Roy!" Johnny protested. "I know you're right. Hell, that's what happened the first time I took the test and…"

"Well go out for pizza tonight, with the family and then you're going to the beach tomorrow while I'm at work. The beach settles you and that's an order," Roy grinned and patted him on the shoulder.

"Aye, aye Cap," Johnny winked as he heard Joanne and kids arrive home.

#######

As Johnny pulled into the academy parking lot, he felt a sense of déjà vu all over again. Here he was on his motorcycle only he wasn't a dumb, naïve eighteen year old again. His heart still pounded as he pulled out his gym bag and headed towards the admin building.

Sighing he stilled his heart and head and opened the door to the air conditioned office. Nothing had changed except the clerks. He knew he was required to do more than then CPAT test. Gage knew it wouldn't be an easy ten minutes and twenty seconds to do the required eight challenges which included the stair climb, hose drag, equipment carry, ladder raise and extension, forcible entry; search, rescue, and ceiling breach and pull. No, he was going to be in full gear and each task was going to be longer.

Told his locker number and where to report, Johnny quickly made his way to the empty locker room. He quickly changed into his sweats and boots, one of the few things he kept since they were so serviceable. Locking his locker, he thought it funny Chris should be so worried about his clothes; more than likely Roy's phantom stories had something to do with it.

Once in his sweats and shoes he headed toward his assigned area, there he met his proctors. Four men with permanent scowls on their faces and furrowed brows were trying to intimate him. Gage wasn't about to let a bunch of bullies get to him; he had worked way too hard for this.

His stair climb consisted of going up the four story burn structure in full gear with a hose. They had given him fifteen minutes for the task, going up and then down the structure. Giving a thumbs up signal, Johnny raced up the tower and felt good; he had forgotten how comfortable turnouts and scba's felt. He finished five minutes ahead of his time.

The next seven tasks were just as grueling and modified somewhat from his original CPAT tests. So by the time he had to breach the ceiling and pull it down, he was soaking wet from head to toe. He wasn't exactly exhausted but he needed to rest and refuel.

Gage whistled as he made his way back to the locker room, he had passed just by the looks of his proctors; every man's scowl got deeper their furrowed brows deeper. Now to get a shower and something to eat before the real test, paramedic exam.

In the shower he thought he heard voices.

"**Yeah, I heard John Gage is back."**

"**Yeah can you imagine that crap. The biggest black mark on the department and he's fricken back."**

"**Oh I wouldn't worry I'm sure the department will find a way to get rid of his sorry ass."**

Then they were gone and the locker room silent again. He quickly changed back into his clothes and locked his locker. He knew feelings still ran high but he could face them. At the cafeteria he pulled out the twenty Roy had shoved at him.

"_Ya got to eat before the exam Johnny and you'll need this," Roy pushed the money at him._

"_I got money Roy I told you that," Johnny tried pushing it back._

"_You can pay me back, okay? Now get a good lunch and kick their asses for me," Roy smiled and Johnny grinned back._

Roy would be proud of him; he had a chicken, salad, milk, coffee and apple pie for dessert. Making a head call he headed towards the classroom and his paramedic exam. The halls were silent and Johnny found himself back at the academy, as a naïve eighteen year old, now he felt a good thousand years old. Experience had been a great teacher.

Opening the classroom door, he stared at his proctor, Dr. Kelly Brackett; he sighed inwardly and steeled himself. Walking in he found a desk with the test, pencil and one right in front of Brackett. They would not rattle him.

Sitting down, he placed his clasped hands on the test and waited patiently. Brackett looked up at him in his professional doctor's demeanor and Johnny gave him his best look.

"Um, well, at one o'clock you'll have exactly four hours for the test. You can't open the booklet until I tell you. It is a scantron test and you will receive your results in two days along with your other test results," Brackett looked at the clock. "You can begin now."

Johnny concentrated on his exam. _Assess for ambulation if appropriate (ability, posture and gait) __•__Check in neurological and trauma patients. Assess the ability to ambulate, resting posture, and their gait while walking. Assess for tremors or ataxia. Be careful with this, don't ask your patient to try walking when they are unsteady on their feet, only to let them take a nose-dive because you weren't guarding to make sure they didn't! You and your partner should walk beside them if you're testing this because you have doubts about their ability to walk. Be prepared to catch them!_

He ran his hand through his short hair and went back to the exam. Biting the end of his pencil with fervor he finished the exam with fifteen minutes to spare. The former paramedic went quickly to the questions he wasn't sure of and only changed one answer. Gage put his pencil down and waited for time to be called; already he could feel his muscles tightening up after this morning's workout.

"Time," Brackett called and walked over to his desk. He took the exam and well chewed pencil.

Johnny got up from his chair and headed out of the stifling classroom.

"Johnny," Brackett called to thin air.

Johnny almost ran to the locker room to get his stuff. Something was building up inside and he couldn't place it. Once on his motorcycle he burned rubber out of the parking lot and into rush hour traffic. Almost home to the Desoto's he felt his hands shaking and his chest heaving. He spotted a park, turned right into the green patch and rode his cycle to a picnic table. Parking his bike he sat on the top of the table and tried to get his breathing under control.


	10. Chapter 10

PS10

"Yes Roy, I know the test was over a few hours ago," Joanne looked at the front door waiting for Johnny to walk in. "I…maybe he went to celebrate."

"No Joanne, Johnny wouldn't celebrate, not now," Roy's heart started racing; his friend was hours overdue. He could picture him hurt and bleeding on his damn motorcycle.

"Roy you worry too much," his wife tried to calm him. "He's a grown man and…"

"I know Joanne but you know how he gets just…" Roy was worried and bit his lower lip and sighed.

The door opened and an ashen faced, shaky John Gage walked through the door. Joanne gasped and Roy heard it.

"Joanne? Joanne is that Johnny? Put him on the phone," Roy ordered thinking the worst of his friend.

"Tired Joanne," Johnny waved off Joanne. "Tell Roy I'll call him later." He needed a hot shower and a nap. His last episode exhausted him and he didn't want his friends to worry.

"Roy, Johnny said he'll call you back. I have to go," Joanne told her husband. "I love you."

"I love you too babe," Roy hung up the phone and stood there.

"Hey Roy how'd Johnny do?" a curious Mike Stoker asked.

"Roy?" Mike asked again as he saw a worried frown go on his friends face.

"Don't know, Johnny will call in a bit," Roy headed towards the backyard.

Johnny let the hot water wash away his fears; the horrible sickening feeling had returned no doubt because of Brackett. His hands had stopped shaking and he took deep cleansing breaths. Out of the shower he toweled off and pulled his robe on, once in his room he changed into clean underclothes, since his old ones were sweat soaked. He crawled into bed, exhausted and worn and quickly went to sleep.

##########

Roy was glad they were toned out; it was now ten o'clock and the cap said there had been no messages. Sitting on the couch, he chewed on his lower lip as he petted Henry. So far he still didn't know anything, except what he read in the papers. Gage had been more closed mouth when things started going awry. Yet, he didn't want help from him, saying he didn't want him to get tainted by his mistakes. His partner didn't make mistakes!

The paramedic absentmindedly scratched Henry's ears, trying not to think of Johnny. His friend hat been vindicated, but at what cost? Johnny was no longer the happy, carefree man he knew. Gage's smile never seemed to go to his eyes and pain and worry seemed to be his friend's constant companion.

Sighing, Roy realized he would have to wait until the morning to find out how well his friend did. DeSoto had no illusions; Johnny kicked butt and took names. He would just have to find out the finer details.

######

Johnny smelled coffee, opened his eyes to see sunlight streaming through his curtains. His head hurt and he hadn't eaten anything since lunch yesterday. No doubt Roy was eating bricks worrying about him. Stretching he threw on his jeans and a shirt, going barefoot out to the living room.

"Morning," Joanne smiled as she watched Johnny sit down to breakfast. The children were especially quiet as they ate and quickly headed to school.

Roy kissed his kids goodbye as he opened the door to find Johnny sipping coffee. Joanne cleaned the table and left the two men alone. The sandy haired man sat down and looked at his friend.

"So how'd it go?" His hazel eyes boring into his friends looking for some needed answers.

"How what go?" Johnny stared into his coffee cup trying to find his center again.

"How'd what go? Geesh, Johnny how'd did it go? Did you pass? What the hell did they say?" Roy was losing his patience and concern over his distraught friend.

Gage shrugged. "I know I passed the physical 'cause my proctors were pissed. Every one I passed their frowns got deeper and then when they showed me my next test they practically growled at me. I showed the bastards!" He gave a small grin almost reminisce of the old Johnny Gage he knew once.

"So what about the paramedic exam?" Roy bit his lower lip; Dixie had mentioned Brackett would be gone the rest of the afternoon with no reason given.

"It was Brackett, Roy. Those…Brackett…but I showed him." Johnny held in his anger in difference to Roy, "I think I did a hell of a lot better than the first time I took that damn test. I even had time to change one answer, not that it's going to matter. I'll know everything in a few days. It's all I know," Johnny stood up from the table. "I think I'm going to run."

"Wait Johnny," Roy stood up. "How about I join you?"

"No man, you look beat. Really Roy I'm okay. I just hate waiting, you know," Johnny grinned and headed to his room to change.

############

Johnny watched as Roy headed off to work; he so badly wanted to be the one going back to work. He had never really let himself think he wouldn't get his job back, the one thing that defined him as to who and what he was. Gage was thankful for Roy DeSoto's determination and drive to make the paramedics a reality.

Looking at the backyard from the deck it was in desperate need of a mow, like his hair would be soon, however he still didn't know what to do. A few days Brackett had said, what's a few days? Was it two, three, he thought as his insides churned again.

Joanne watched as Johnny took his frustration out on the lawn. She had only known what was going on in the papers, since Roy told her he had said nothing. From the very beginning she could tell it was a bad run, her husband had told her as much. Johnny was working overtime to save for a house and then it happened. Admittedly she was worried when Roy chose Gage for a partner but his undying loyalty and light hearted demeanor made him easy to be around. Now she didn't know this man, with his shaved head and his constant worry. Roy had told her Johnny had only thought once of quitting the paramedics whereas he had considered it several times. Now she hoped he would become a paramedic again and prove the department wrong.

##########

Roy felt uneasy as he changed for his shift. Johnny seemed more withdrawn and quiet ever since he took the tests. He knew something had gone down between him and Brackett but he had never said what. All the time of Gage troubles he refused to divulge any thing about that night. The papers didn't say much and his friend had said even less.

Maybe it was that, Johnny had come back with more questions then answers. He had gently prodded his friend to talk about what happened to get him suspended, fired, certification and licensed yanked not to mention sued with no results. John Gage had always been a fighter in more ways than one. His friend had no qualms to send off letter to the brass, issuing complaints and ideas to improve the paramedic program. He would rather go with the flow and not rock the waters.

############

Johnny quickly changed into his running clothes, finding relief in the simple act of putting one foot in front of the other. Seeing Roy go off to work only reminded how badly he needed and wanted to be a paramedic again. Ever since he had lost his job he himself felt lost. Of course he would never admit to Roy what went down on that horrible rainy night, his former partner had to work with the staff of Rampart.

Once out in the street, Gage began a gentle pace for himself, stretching his limbs further. He tried to clear his mind of the past few days, the exams and whether or not he would return to duty as a firefighter/paramedic. Blowing out his breath, he increased his speed and obtuse thoughts hit his brain. The bad call, his best friend and worst of all the hearing. Men and women whom he thought he trusted and were his friends, seemingly turned on him in an instant. All right he knew he was insecure and maybe his social manners lacked sometimes but it wasn't a reason to pounce on him like a lion did on a zebra. His heart raced and he ran faster, his legs tightening as his speed increased.

##########

Roy was losing his patience with his anal-retentive partner. He now realized what he missed with Johnny. Gage's sheer impulsiveness and heart on his sleeve made him a change of pace from himself. Brice was starting to get on his nerves.

He found Brice going through the drug box, again.

"I all ready did that Brice," DeSoto kneeled in front of the open drug box on the station floor. His eyes bore into his clueless partner.

"You can never be too careful DeSoto, you might have overlooked something," Craig was intent on the box; pushing his glasses back up his nose.

Roy slammed it shut. "I said I already did an inventory along with the biophone check. Now why don't you hang hose with Chet?" He crossed his arms in annoyance and then stood up.

"DeSoto I fail to see what relevance getting angry or upset about Gage can do..." Brice stood up and looked him in the eyes.

"Shut up Brice. You have no freaking idea what you're talking about," DeSoto stuffed his hands in his pockets. "You haven't a clue what it is to have your whole fricken life ruined by one stupid victim. Do the damn hose—or do you need help getting there?" Roy's eyes narrowed at the clueless paramedic.

DeSoto picked up the drug box, shoved it in the compartment and slammed the door shut. "And don't lock it again!"

##########

Johnny picked up his pace a little, recalling all the good times he had with Roy; glad he had met him in the first place. Being a paramedic was one of the good things to happen to him along with becoming a firefighter. Especially meeting Roy DeSoto, his best friend, partner, mentor and brother all rolled into one. He blew out his breath again, knowing he could have never gotten Roy involved in the awful mess he landed in. Gage knew they used him as a scapegoat since he had been causing trouble, the letters, stopping by headquarters trying to make something great spectacular.

##########

Roy leaned on the squad face forward, his hands resting lightly on the hood, his thoughts on his best friend. Johnny had come back but he wasn't the same man, Joanne and even the kids knew it. He reasoned once Gage became a paramedic again the old Johnny he once knew would resurface. His quietness and somber exterior was because he had missed being a paramedic, a job DeSoto knew he was born to do.

"Uh Roy," Stanley looked at his senior paramedic staring off into space. "How is John?"

"Huh?" Roy looked confused at his boss.

"How's John doing?" Stanley placed his hands on the squad.

DeSoto shrugged. "Hard to say Cap. I mean how would you feel if your whole life rested on two tests?" He bit his lower lip. "Johnny's doing okay; I guess…it's just…

Tones sounded and the squad was off for its first run of the shift.

##########

Johnny ran even faster as emotions, fears and expectations hit him full force. He really hadn't thought about life after if he failed his tests. Driven to come back to the department, he thought only of returning to a job and career he loved with all his heart and soul. Sweat ran down his back and his legs burned with the added pressure as each foot pounded the hard pavement.

##########

Roy nursed his coffee at the base station after bringing their first victim of the day in. He hadn't told Johnny how he had distanced himself from the staff at Rampart. He was sure they knew John Gage was back, but he hadn't told them, not even bringing up his name.

"Hey Roy," Dixie called as she came back to the nurses desk and pulled out a chart. She brushed her hair back from her face and looked seriously at the paramedic.

"Hey, Dix. We're going to need supplies once Brice gets here," Roy checked his watch. "Must be held up in traffic," he lamented and took a sip of his coffee.

"So Roy," Dixie smiled, "How are things?" She crossed her arms and cocked her head, making sure she made eye contact.

"Things?" Roy put the cup down, looked at her and gave a feint smile. "Things, huh."

"Yes Joanne, the kids," _Johnny,_ "Those sort of things," She smiled again.

"Oh those things! They're doing great you know. School is good a long with everything else," he bit his lower lip knowing exactly what she was asking.

"Oh I'm glad to hear that, really," Dixie looked at him as Brice rolled in.

"Got the list Brice?" Roy asked suddenly wanting to get as far away as possible.

"Yes of course I have the list, DeSoto," Brice shook his head annoyed at his partner's lack of patience. Producing it, Dixie quickly filled it without any further conversation.

"Ready?" Roy said with more annoyance than necessary and they quickly left.

Brice was relatively quiet on the drive back to the station.

##########

Johnny ran faster and faster, finding the sheer rush of adrenaline filling his empty heart. It wasn't like going to a fire or rescue but it was pretty damn close. He just didn't know what he would do if he didn't pass and become a paramedic again. Sure he could go to other cities and counties but would they take him, would they want him? Fear and confusion filled his over-stressed mind.

##########

Backing into the station, Roy's thoughts turned to Johnny. Brice made a quick exit and he found himself in the locker room. Sitting on the bench he looked at once was Gage's locker. Closing his eyes he could remember the morning Johnny got suspended.

_Roll call had finished._

"_Gage could I see you in my office," Stanley said in a somber mood._

_Johnny slowly walked to the office his face a mask. He was walking like he knew._

_The men started talking and watched the door to the Cap's office close_

"_What the hell did Gage do now?" Chet was in his usual form._

"_Nothing," Roy defended his best friend and paramedic partner. He knew for the past few weeks, Johnny had withdrew from him. Refusing dinner invitations and such._

"_How would you know Roy? Rumor has it…"_

_The four men watched as Johnny walked out of the office with a box and headed toward the locker room. Roy quickly broke free and followed Johnny in._

_Sighing Johnny sat on the bench, opened his locker, then his bottom locker. He first changed and then put both boots in the bottom of the box._

"_Johnny what are you doing?" Roy was getting concerned._

_Gage looked him straight in the eyes. "I got suspended Roy. I'm packing up my locker, is all."_

"_Suspended? Why in the hell were you suspended you didn't do anything wrong," Roy stood up not liking Gage's demeanor._

"_Well pally that's a difference of opinion and I'm outvoted," Johnny continued to fill up the box with the contents of his locker. He took the Smokey poster carefully off the locker, rolled it up and put it reverently in the box, and then he folded his pants and laid his shirts on top. He had all ready turned in his badge and paramedic pin all he had left was his name tag on his shirt. Johnny looked at his paramedic pocket holder and then threw it in the box._

"_Johnny," Roy watched and took his best friend's box._

"_Roy, I can do this by myself," Johnny reached for the box and then stopped._

"_I'll walk you out to your car. We're down until your replacement gets here," Roy bit his lower lip and they walked in silence to the backyard._

_Johnny opened the back seat of his car and gently took the box from Roy._

"_You're going to come back you know," Roy smiled, "and then you packed up your locker for nothing." and sounded hopeful._

_Gage rubbed his eyes and looked at his best friend, "Roy," he offered his right hand._

_Roy was confused "Johnny you're coming back!" He said it more forcefully._

"_It was a pleasure and an honor working with your Roy," Johnny again offered his right hand._

_Having no choice Roy took it. "You're coming back partner, so don't get any funny ideas of transferring."_

"_Roy," Johnny looked at the ground and then his best friend with a gentle smile" Sure Roy I'll be back."_

"_Sure you will, now call me if you need anything okay? Don't make yourself a stranger. Remember you're supposed to come over for dinner tomorrow night," Roy reminded his friend._

_Gage climbed into his Rover shut the door and waved as he pulled out of the station parking lot. That was the last time he had seen Johnny at the station._

Tones sounded forcing Roy out of his memories and he quickly headed towards the squad.

##########

Johnny felt his lungs explode forcing himself to stop running. His breath ragged he leaned his hands on his calves and took long, deep breaths, filling his oxygen starved lungs. He watched as his sweat dripped onto the pavement, he slowly stood up and tried to find his bearings. Once he knew where he was he turned around and slowly limped back to the DeSoto's.

##########

Joanne was vacuuming when she heard the phone. Her heart skipped a beat hoping her husband wasn't hurt. A fireman's wife she always had to control herself anytime the phone rang and her husband was at work. Turning off the machine she walked to the phone.

"DeSoto residence, Joanne speaking," Joanne said into the phone.

##########

Johnny finally made it back to the house; he had even jogged some as his muscles loosened up again. Opening the door, he couldn't wait for a nice hot shower.

"Johnny!" Joanne practically ran to him, "headquarters called." She had the biggest grin on her face.

"Headquarters?" Gage was still a bit shaken from his run.

"Johnny!" Joanne exclaimed, "Headquarters, Los Angeles County Fire Department Headquarters."

"Oh," Johnny frowned, "What did they want?" His arms hung limply by his side.

"Johnny, they want you to report to them as soon as possible. Isn't that great news?" Joanne beamed.

Gage didn't have the heart to tell her the Chief would get twice as much satisfaction telling him he failed then if he passed.

Plastering a smile on his face, he looked at his hostess, "Guess I'll take a shower then."

"And I'll make some lunch for you Johnny; you can't go there without something in your stomach," she said briskly. No matter the outcome, he would have to eat.

"Thanks Joanne," Johnny called as headed to the shower.

_**Thank you for your patience as I work on my stories. Unfortunately real life has intruded with a bang! I will be pretty much busy until the end of the year and beyond! Tax season beckons along with the duties required of me. At least I'm recertified for my Notary; yes I'm a Jill of all Trades along with a few other surprises. I will post when I can since my ABSOUTLEY, INCREDIABLE AND FANTASTIC BETA IS BACK! She knows who she is.**_

_**Again, thanks to all my loyal readers and I will post when I can. Take care and God Bless.**_


	11. Chapter 11

PS11

As Johnny roared away he knew Joanne would be calling Roy about now. He was sorry he couldn't give his friend more information, but he just couldn't, no, didn't want to burden his friend. God, they had done so much for him. Each mile to headquarters he prayed he would be a paramedic again.

#######

The phone ringing at the station made everyone stop. Roy was in the dayroom and took the call.

"Fireman Roy DeSoto, Station 51," Roy answered as he leaned against the wall. It had been a slow morning; lunch was done and he still couldn't forget about his friend's predicament.

"Honey," Joanne said breathlessly, "headquarters called for Johnny."

"Headquarters?" Roy swallowed and thought of the two outcomes possible. Suddenly he found it hard to talk.

"Yes, headquarters, like Los Angeles County Fire Department headquarters. What is with you two today?" Joanne sighed exasperated. "They wanted Johnny to come as soon as possible. He's headed there right now. Isn't it great, Roy? Johnny's going to be a paramedic again."

Joanne heard silence. "Roy, did you hear me?"

"Yeah honey, I heard you," Roy said quietly. "I'll call you later, babe. Bye."

"Bye," Joanne hung up the phone. She didn't understand; her husband and Johnny had been acting like they were going to a funeral and not Johnny getting his life back.

#######

Johnny pulled his motorcycle in the parking lot and sat there for a minute or two. His whole life was in the building, and like it or not, he had to face it. Finding his center, he plastered a smile on his face and headed inside.

Nothing had changed; he could hear typing and phones ringing in the background. Walking up to the counter he looked around and the same clerk he saw four months ago came up.

"Hello," Johnny said. "I'm here to see the Chief." Just like that he had said it. "I'm John Gage."

"Please have a seat," she said succinctly. "I tell him you're here." She quickly disappeared into the offices.

However, this time he couldn't 'have a seat'; he was way too nervous, but he couldn't let them know. So he sat, closed his eyes and calmed his racing heart before he saw about his future. His name was called and he walked quietly to the chief's office. Sitting down at the chair offered, the man's expression was unreadable.

"Gage," he said gruffly. His eyes narrowed as he looked at him. His mouth wore a deepening frown.

"Chief," Johnny returned his rejoinder and the man's expression was not lost on the future, he hoped, paramedic.

"I'm sure you know why you're here," the man reached into a drawer in his desk and pulled out a large manila envelope. "Well you passed," he slid the large envelope and had a sour expression on his face.

Gage reached for it and put his hand on it. But not before the Chief's hand was on the envelope and he started to pull it towards him.

"But there's one more thing, Gage. In there you will find the rules and regulation handbook. I suggest you read it backwards and forwards and know it by heart. Because Gage if you break one rule or one regulation you are out on your sorry ass. No hearing, nothing. Are we clear on this?" the man practically growled at him.

"Crystal," the man released the envelope and Johnny pulled it towards him, it was hardest time not slapping a big silly grin on his face. He stood up, looked at the chief and offered his right hand. "Thank you."

"Dismissed, and I'd be more than happy to find you in my office again when you get canned, forever," the man grumbled and his hand waved Gage away.

Moving slowly out of the building, Johnny clutched the heavy envelope close to him, afraid if he dropped it everything would disappear. At his cycle he opened the envelope and pulled out his badge, paramedic pin and his name tag, along with certificates and license. The heavy regulation book made him sweat but he would deal with it later. He found his station assignment; he had a week until he had to report on the A shift and then he looked at the station number, 118. He blew out his breath. _You'd think they were going to roll out the red carpet for you boy! _ Gage knew he couldn't tell Roy his station yet. He could imagine Roy having a coronary right on the spot. Station 118, in the garden spot of the county and a reputation to go with it. No doubt the key and code had something to do with the location of the station.

#######

Roy paced the bay wondering if his friend would decide to make an appearance, good or bad. He could tell the other guys knew he was on edge; the calm cool headed paramedic wasn't calm or cool today. The bad thing was Roy knew Johnny too well, while his friend was sold down the river, he felt somehow responsible. Gage had been complaining about lousy apartments along with nosey neighbors, so he had suggested Johnny start saving for a down payment on a house. That had led to the overtime that led to his friend's dismissal and ruin.

#######

Johnny sighed as pulled up his cycle to Station 51, the doors were closed meaning both the engine and squad were in. Maybe if he played his cards right, Roy would be just so damn glad he passed he wouldn't ask him where his bid went. Yeah that was it; Roy was so wound up now just telling him he was back would make him happier than a pig in mud.

Gage strolled in the day room and found it just like he had left it almost 18 months ago. Roy was at the table reading, Chet on the couch with Henry, Marco humming as he cooked and Mike going over the Captain's manual, no doubt the cap was in the office doing his never ending paperwork. He didn't really care where Brice was.

"Hey, don't I get a hello?" Johnny grinned as everyone suddenly became aware of his presence.

"Johnny?" Roy jumped up from the table knocking over the chair." Johnny, so what happened?" He was almost nose to nose to his friend trying to read what had gone on at headquarters.

"Um, Roy could we get some privacy, like the yard?" Gage thumbed towards the yard and left the crew alone.

"Uh sure," Roy nodded, sticking his hands in pockets trying to control his heart and breathing.

Once outside Johnny took a nice long deep breath, stuck his hands in his pockets and then looked at the ground.

"Oh God, Johnny I'm so sorry… I …"

"I passed Roy!" Johnny looked up with a big smile plastered on his face and stared Roy in the eyes. "I made it!"

"Really!" DeSoto could hardly contain himself and gave Johnny a quick man hug. "Damn it, I knew you'd pass, junior. You one of the best damn paramedics in the department."

"Yeah I made it Roy. I made it," Johnny shook his head the reality finally set in.

"Well have to celebrate you know," Roy had a large grin plastered on his face. "All the guys a big fricken' barbecue to celebrate you coming back to the department and you were right you showed those bastards!"

"Roy, um no, just us," Gage pointed to Roy, "You know, just your family. Not just yet okay?" Johnny looked at him expectantly, feeling numb and excited at the same time. Besides with a big party it might slip out where he was and he really didn't want Roy to find out just yet.

"Sure Johnny," Roy was confused, "anything you say." He still had a silly grin on his face. "Well let's go tell the gu—"

Tones sounded ending their discussion.

Johnny watched in expectation as his friend ran back to the bay as both the engine and squad went to the call. He let out a sigh of relief. He had dodged the bullet but not for very long; he knew his best friend would want to know where his station was.

Going to the map in the empty bay, John found his new station, right where he thought it was. The station's rep was where the hard burnout cases went or the ones just shy of being thrown out. The union had some power and Johnny's luck was running true to form. No, they couldn't put him in a semi marginal station and wait for him to screw up; they wanted to make sure he screwed up or was killed in the process. Roy and he had heard the many stories from the war zone station but chose like everyone else to ignore them. _Well partner, I'm about to find out if all the stories are true._

Climbing back on his cycle he headed back to the DeSoto's and thought of his meager bankroll. He needed uniforms and money for the buy-in for meals, plus he wouldn't get his first paycheck for a month. Thoughts filled his head as he pulled into the garage of his best friend's house and he took the packet out of the saddlebags. He held it close as he walked towards the front door. Joanne opened the door and let him in.

"Well?" Joanne looked at him.

"I'm in! Joanne I'm in!" Johnny hugged Joanne hard.

"That's wonderful," tears fell from Joanne's eyes. "We have to celebrate when Roy's home."

"Yeah we do, just us," Johnny smiled and held tightly to the envelope. "I've got some things to do Joanne. Thanks for everything," he quickly headed to his room.

#######

Roy could hardly contain himself as he walked into Rampart. Their victim just needed looking over but he had a big grin on his face. Brice didn't see any reason to state the obvious in his words, "Gage was always an excellent paramedic, and nothing would dispel it." That was true, but he hadn't been living with Johnny for the past four months.

However, seeing the staff at Rampart stopped him in his tracks and he wondered how much they knew. Brackett administered the test and he couldn't really trust him to not say anything. He headed straight towards the coffee and waited for Brice.

"Hi Roy," Dixie smiled and looked at the paramedic, "Good day?"

Roy nodded, not daring to open his mouth and say anything. Johnny had been jumpy enough with Brackett. His first loyalty was to his best friend.

"Good, real good. Um, Roy," Dixie bit her lower lip, her eyes not quite meeting his. "Roy there's something I've been meaning to ask you."

"Roy," Brice showed up. "I..."

"Let's go partner," Roy grabbed Brice by the sleeve. "See ya Dixie." He and Brice made it quickly down the corridor to the squad.

"Really DeSoto, what was that all about?" Brice was ticked, so far his partner had been pushing him around."

"So tell me Brice, what have you told Dixie about Johnny?" Roy asked as he pulled the squad out of the parking lot.

"Why do you assume I told her anything?" Brice said in a huff, surprised at the accusation. "Besides it's not as if it's a secret."

"Yeah well," Roy looked at his partner. "I prefer you don't say anything about Johnny."

"Roy I have every right to talk about Gage since I replaced him," Brice looked sternly at his partner. "Gage may have been one of the first paramedics but he's just like the rest of us. Besides I heard them whispering his name at Rampart."

Roy inhaled and started coughing. "Brice, when did you start eavesdropping?" He was shocked at the man's behavior.

"How else do you expect me to know anything around here? You guys act like I'm not even there. I realize my behavior and standards are higher than most. Be that as it may DeSoto word is Gage is going to 118." Brice stated flatly without a touch of emotion.

"One eighteen!" Roy gasped. "One Eighteen! No way in hell would they send him there Brice," he said forcefully. "Johnny would tell me."

"Well that's what I heard, now if you'll excuse me," Brice slammed the door of the squad leaving Roy alone.

_One eighteen. That fricken' hell hole. Of course Johnny would tell me. I'm his best friend, god we've known each other for years. One eighteen! Aren't they ever going to give him a freaking break? Shit! This just can't be happening._

#######

Johnny woke up to the smell of coffee and finding the rule book still on his chest. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, pulled his jeans and shirt on, and headed to the kitchen.

The kids had finished eating and said there goodbyes. However his friend hadn't shown up yet.

"Roy's working a double," Joanne set a cup of coffee in front of him as he sat down at the table.

"Oh," Johnny took a sip. "That's too bad. Guess well celebrate tomorrow, huh?" He was lost in his thoughts of uniforms and other gear he would need.

"Well after you're done with breakfast, we need to get you some uniforms. Roy needs a few new shirts and I promise him to get some today. You'll probably need some new boots too," Joanne mused all ready going over the list her head she and Roy had discussed.

"But Joanne," Johnny protested.

"Hurry up, we have to be back by three," she shooed him away.

Gage knew it was useless to protest so he quickly ate, took a quick shower and presented himself to Joanne.

"Good, let's go," Joanne said with a mission before Johnny could change his mind.

Climbing in the car with Joanne, Johnny could see she was beaming, but he couldn't help it either. The short ride to the uniform store seemed like an eternity. He had a plan he hoped it would work.

Slamming the car doors the couple made their way into the large uniform store. Police officer, security guards, highway and firefighter uniforms filled the store. On one side there were boots and shoes on the other uniforms and all the accessories that went with them. Before long he had only gotten the two shirts and two pairs of pants his meager budget could afford. Luckily he found shirts with the paramedic patch, and he still had kept his belt. His boots had seen better days but with the right shine you wouldn't be able to tell.

Unfortunately, he hadn't counted on Joanne's determination as she called him to the register and plunked down more uniforms and a pair of boots.

"I thought Roy just needed some new shirts?" Johnny looked confused at the large stack of clothing.

"Oh he did; the rest is for you," Joanne smiled taking the shirts and pants from him and placing them with the rest.

The clerk apparently knew Joanne and didn't ask for any I.D. as she paid for her purchases with a credit card.

"I don't know about you Johnny, but shopping always makes me hungry," Joanne gently took his arm, held the large bag of clothes and guided him out of the store. She started the car and they headed for home.

The ride was quiet as Johnny mentally calculated how much he owed the DeSoto's and whistled to himself.

"Joanne about that diner up there?" Johnny pointed to a little diner he remembered. It was still there and Joanne deserved a real lunch not some fast food.

Joanne gave him a pained look.

"I can afford it Joanne, please let me do this!" Johnny gave his famous grin hoping to melt his friend's heart.

"All right Johnny, just this once," she pulled into the diner.

Gage quickly got out and opened her door and then the door to the diner. It wasn't really crowded and they were ushered to a booth. Once seated their orders given to the waitress, Johnny found himself playing with the silverware.

"Johnny," Joanne looked intently on her husband's best friend. "We have to talk."

Johnny looked up confused. "Look Joanne I'll move out tomorrow if you want me too. I've known I've been a burden on you and your family. Just say the word and I'm gone." He knew this would come eventually.

She shook her head. "Johnny that's the furthest thing from my mind. I just want to say thank you."

"You're thanking me," Johnny splayed his hand across his chest. "I don't understand."

The waitress served their food and each attempted to eat something.

"Johnny," Joanne speared a leaf of lettuce from her salad. "You don't understand. After you left it was like Roy had died."

Gage looked stricken and set down his burger. "Joanne I had no idea. It was just better for me, you know."

"Yes, but ... Roy would never tell you, but after you got suspended he just wasn't the same. You gave me back my husband, Johnny. You brought joy back to his heart. Yes, Roy can be serious but he had lost his playfulness until he picked you as a partner. Yes, he would complain and moan about you when he got home but it was with caring, not really complaining. The kids love you and well, we were really a shambles after you left." Joanne sighed hoping she didn't sound too whiny or forlorn.

The new paramedic sat there stunned, suddenly not being able to eat, he had tried protecting his friend. He was to blame for his mistakes, no one else.

"Johnny," Joanne reached for his hand. "In some small way Roy blamed himself for your troubles. He told me he told you to save a down payment, that's why you were working so much overtime."

"But…" Johnny protested.

"Yes I know it wasn't his fault but he felt so helpless since you wouldn't let him help." Joanne took a sip of her tea. "It's just…when Roy found out where you lived he was really torn, but he couldn't tell you Johnny. He was afraid to put pressure on you," Joanne sighed again, hoping Johnny would understand.

"Joanne," Johnny sighed and then looked at her. "It was my decision for everything. Roy…I was trying to protect Roy from my crap. He…I know how I am sometimes and Roy has nothing to feel guilty about. I'll talk to him, 'kay?"

She nodded thankful Johnny was so understanding. "Well we'd better eat," she smiled happy to see Johnny back at the job he loved.

"I'll say," Johnny laughed, "I'm starving!"


	12. Chapter 12

PS12

Roy had a hard time working the rest of his shift; the thought of his best friend working at 118 gnawed and ate at him. Damn it, Johnny had been vindicated and he was still paying for it. Brice wasn't a picnic either, a sure reminder of the department's power.

"Uh, Roy," Cap looked at him. "Done eating there pal?" Stanley's eyebrows were bunched together and he looked like he ate a lemon.

"Huh?" Roy realized the whole crew was looking at him. The table had been cleared and dishes washed—all except his. "Sorry Cap. I'll take care of it." He started to take his plate to the sink.

"No Roy. Chet, take care of it and Roy come to my office please," Stanley said gently and DeSoto meekly followed him into his office and noted the closed door.

"Roy, what is going on?" Hank was concerned and could tell his senior paramedic was distracted. His fingers were steepled together and he had a worried expression.

Chewing his lower lip, Roy looked at his superior and wondered how much he knew. After Johnny had left Stanley had seemed on edge until after the hearing and even then he couldn't tell.

"Well Cap, I'm sure you heard, Johnny's back. He passed all his exams and now has a station," Roy watched Stanley react. He unconsciously crossed his arms in front of him, waiting for what, he really didn't know.

Hank nodded and then his eyebrows went up along with his hands. "And?"

"Cap, well I heard a rumor on where there going to place Gage and I wondered if it was true or not," Roy uncrossed and crossed his arms, waiting for Hank's next move, leaning back against one of the desks.

"Roy," Stanley placed a hand against his chest. "You don't really think they'd tell me, do you?"

"Cap, you know a lot of people and…"

"Roy I'm glad John is back, really and it's up to him to tell you where they put him. But let me caution you," Cap leaned towards. "It's John's battle and if you don't want to get hurt just stay out of it."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Roy's nose flared wondering who this man was. He had left his best friend out to dry the first time and he'd be damned if he'd do it again.

"I'm just saying let John worry about his back and you worry about yours," Stanley stated hoping to get through the thick headed man. "John knew what would happen when he came back. I'm sure he'll tell you the same thing."

"Is that all sir?" Roy was furious at this man's lack of compassion for a man who had saved Hank's ass a few times.

"Yes Roy that's all," Hank sighed and he felt a headache coming on.

DeSoto stormed out of Cap's office and headed to the yard as far away as possible from his shift mates. What had gotten into Stanley he wondered? No doubt pressure from headquarters. But this time he had his friend's back and he would make sure Gage knew it.

Out in the yard, Roy looked at the cars on the freeway and knew the bad run wasn't the start of his friend's troubles. His friend cared about the people they cared for and John had violated rule number one too many times to count. But there it was, shooting off letters for a doctor in dispatch, anything to make the system better, then it happened. Johnny found his voice.

_They had just treated their favorite hypochondriac and headed quickly to their next call. It was a heart attack patient, one that almost didn't make it. It was at an accident and for some reason a camera crew had shown up. Roy knew Johnny was too upset to accompany the patient to hospital so he did, much to his dismay._

_They both found out later when they were eating dinner and watching the six o'clock news. Gage was in rare form, spouting about the Los Angeles County citizens and their lack of concern for people who really needed the paramedics. Everything they had talked about Johnny ranted on and on. It was painful to watch and even Stanley called John in his office. But he knew Johnny and once something was under his skin he wouldn't let go._

_God, he had tried to warn him. He knew Johnny had been firing letters to the editor as a concerned paramedic but everyone knew it was him. John Gage became a one man crusade on the inadequacies of the paramedic and Los Angeles Paramedic program. _

So when the bad call happened, brass was just looking for a reason to get rid of Johnny. If he had learned one thing in the service he had learned large bureaucracies don't like to be told of what they are doing wrong and change is a slow, awkward process.

#######

Feeling anxious, Johnny decided he needed to take a ride. Waving to Joanne and the kids he headed to his new station. As he was on the freeway, he could see the neighborhoods changing. There was more graffiti, trash and empty lots as he took his off ramp. Stopping at the light, he reflected that the rumors seemed to be true. He stared at the abandoned gas station until someone honked their horn at him.

Turning left and then a quick right, he noticed his new stations surroundings. Houses with metal bars, burnt out shells of houses, abused lawns and rusted old cars sat in front yards. Strong smells assaulted his nose: garlic, urine, alcohol and vomit almost made him gag. But what amazed him was the station, it looked like a fortress. Now he knew why he needed a key code, he did a u-turn and headed back to the freeway.

On the ride back he was glad Roy had to work another shift and he wouldn't have to face his uncertainty. He had gone this far; Johnny just wondered if he could go all the way. Pulling up into the driveway, he slapped a smile on his face and decided to order pizza tonight since he would be getting a paycheck eventually.

#######

As Roy drove home his thoughts constantly turned to his best friend and his supposed station. Brice didn't gossip much but when he did, he was spot on. He would just have to ask John straight out and hope for an answer.

He was tired as he pulled in the drive; he had worked 96 hours straight, the maximum allowed for the department for overtime and straight shifts. He was glad he had three days off to really talk to Johnny.

Unfortunately Roy found out his friend was out running. Running from what or whom he wasn't sure, but he would have to wait. Taking a shower, he kissed Joanne and decided to take a long overdue nap. All three shifts had been busy.

#######

Johnny came quietly into the house knowing Roy was probably asleep and needed overtime to pay for him. He would get out as soon as he was able, but tonight they would celebrate coming back to the department, and if his best friend asked about his new station he would be honest and not let Roy have another useless guilt trip. Promising Joanne to talk to Roy and talking to Roy were two different things.

Groaning inwardly he knew he would have to tell Roy the truth, not that he didn't warn him in the first place. But he was tired too and decided to take a nap and maybe review the handbook again.

#######

The celebration dinner was quiet. It was a nice Italian restaurant where the kids happily dug into spaghetti and meatballs, Johnny had lasagna, and Joanne and Roy shared a veal parmigiana. Gage had tried to pay for dinner but Roy insisted since they were celebrating his return to the department and being a paramedic again.

Chris and Missy were eating spumoni ice cream while the adults were enjoying tiramisu and coffee.

Roy cleared his throat, "Here Johnny," he thrust something at him.

Johnny took the small wrapped cylinder with confusion. "It's not going to blow up is it?" He smiled and started to unwrap the gift. Much to his surprise it was a Smokey the Bear poster, exactly like the one which hung up in his locker eons ago it seemed.

"Um, thanks Roy," Johnny had a hard time finding his voice. He remembered when he had put it up on his locker at 51.

"_What is that?" Roy asked incredulously._

"_That is my good luck charm, pally," Johnny grinned and he knocked on it three times._

"_Well the only good luck charm I need is my partner watching my back," Roy stared intently at Gage._

"_Um, well. Hey it's been my good luck ever since the academy. I got it as a graduation present, you know," Johnny sat down on the bench thinking of his aunt._

"_Sorry Johnny it's just," Roy shrugged._

"_Hey, it's okay pally," Johnny grinned, "better get dressed, huh."_

"If you'll excuse me," Gage quickly left his seat and headed towards the men's room.

"Man," Gage whispered and shook his head. He had almost lost it. Running water over his face, he took a paper towel, dried his face, threw the towel away and plastered a grin on his face.

"Well are we ready to go?" Roy asked as he looked at his quiet children.

"Yeah," Johnny took the cylinder and held tightly onto it. Sooner or later he would have to talk to Roy. He knew he was lucky to be working the same shift as his best friend, but the station was another matter.

In the rearview mirror, DeSoto saw his children cuddle up, and fall asleep in his best friend's arms. Did it really matter what station Johnny was at? The most important thing is he was back and he wouldn't have to fight things alone.


	13. Chapter 13

PS13A

Johnny was dressed in his uniform, leather jacket and had his saddlebags packed as he came out of his bedroom. He could see the DeSoto's just sat down for breakfast.

"Leaving so early?" Joanne placed the platters of pancakes and bacon the table. "Are you sure you wouldn't want some breakfast?" She smiled hopefully knowing her friend would feel better on a full stomach.

"Yeah Junior, you're gonna need some fortification for your first day on the job," Roy smiled but could see Johnny's indecision. So far Johnny hadn't told him his new station and he hadn't pressed him. Roy wondered if he had done the right thing; Johnny was grinning but he couldn't say it was genuine.

"Well I'll grab something on the way. First day and all," Johnny grinned hoping he fooled his friend.

"Sure, let me walk you out," Roy put an arm around Johnny as they headed out the door. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a twenty. Shaking his friend's hand, DeSoto pressed the money into Gage's hand.

"Roy, man," Johnny shook his head. "You don't have to do this …"

"Johnny you're not going to get paid for a month and you have to buy in for meals. Just wouldn't look right, you know," Roy tempered his friend's confusion.

"Um, thanks again Roy. I'm goin' to pay you back, pally," Johnny took the money, knowing it was food out of his kids' mouths.

"See ya tomorrow," Roy waved as Johnny backed his cycle out to the street.

Johnny waved, "see ya pally."

Revving his cycle up Gage headed to his new station and his new future.

#######

Punching in the code made Johnny felt like he was going to prison and not a fire station. When did things get so damn complicated? When he screwed up, he reminded himself. In his heart he knew the bad call was a reason for the department to get rid of him. Gage shook his head; if he had kept his mouth shut, just like his friend warned him, he wouldn't be in this hell hole of a station. The problem was he could never keep his mouth shut, even growing up. Sighing, he found the engine and squad gone, giving him a chance to take an unofficial tour of his new station.

The station reminded him of 51, with the newer kitchen appliances and other features. Going back to the kitchen, he found the supplies and made a fresh pot of coffee. Pouring a cup he found a paper on the table he started reading, sat down on a chair and drank his coffee.

"So you're Gage?" An older man brought him out of his stupor. He was about Johnny's height, had dark brown hair with specks of gray, blue eyes, crow's feet, and a large, wide smile. He was in uniform.

'Um, yeah," Johnny stood up in his chair

"Don't worry ain't the cap, name's Jim Weaver," Jim offered his hand. "I'm the engineer."

"Nice to meet you," Johnny shook the man's hand hard. "The new paramedic."

"Yeah we all heard about you, kinda hard not to, you know," Weaver went to the counter and poured himself a cup of coffee. "It's not unusual for the squad and engine to be out this time of year."

"Time of year?" Gage was curious and what had he gotten himself into.

"Oh you'll learn soon enough; weather affects our calls a lot." Weaver's grin wasn't welcoming.

"Hey Jimbo," a young man, about his age came into the kitchen in his uniform. "See the old man is showing you around. Don't listen to him." The man's green eyes were on fire with a twisted grin on his face.

"Don't pay attention to the kid," Weaver snarled. "Don't know his nose from a hole in the ground."

"Yeah, sure Weaver, you know everything. Name's Harv Walton, I'm the damnest hose jockey around." The man snickered as he offered his hand. "The rest will be along shortly."

"Yeah if they aren't in jail already," Weaver snickered.

Gage frowned and noted the lack of friendship, let alone camaraderie among his shift mates.

Two men followed in, both in uniform. Neither looked happy.

"Hey," a Latino male approached him, "Manny Gonzalez, your partner." Manny grinned and went over to the coffee. "Sure smells good."

A black man came in, a large, burly man who looked like he ate nails and drank oil. His height and bulk made him a formidable picture and Johnny noted the sour expression his face.

"Hey George you made it," Weaver patted the man on his back. "So you stayed out a trouble."

"You touch me one more time Weaver and you'll really be in trouble," George growled and looked at Gage. "So looks like we got the bottom of the barrel, huh." He poured himself some coffee and had a permanent frown on his face.

Johnny stood up, his chair scratching on the floor and headed out of the tension filled dayroom. More then likely he would find the caption of this motley crew, Captain Jose Martin. Gage found him in the office, sitting at his desk shifting through paperwork.

"John Gage I take it," Martin stood up. "So the gang's all here."

"Yeah, they're all here," Gage volunteered.

"Don't worry Gage, you'll get used to it," Martin headed to the dayroom.

"Get used to what?" Johnny was curious.

"Oh working in hell, baby." Martin snickered and Gage stayed in the bay.

Roll call came and went as the men from his shift sized him up. From what he had heard every firefighter knew who he was. Whether they were on his side or not really didn't matter to him, much.

The cap called him into his office and sat him down.

"Okay Gage welcome to 118 and all the stories you've heard are true," Martin, grinned. "We are all this close," he held up his thumb and index finger in the usual small distance between them, "to getting our asses canned."

Johnny frowned.

"Oh it gets better Gage. Getting you was no picnic by any means. We don't need you; we all have problems of our own and you just add to the mix with your high and mighty attitude." Jose gave him a warning tone.

"Now wait a minute..." the paramedic opened his mouth.

"Let me finish, I know how much you love to talk," Martin snickered. "This is my station and you'll do exactly as I say and when I say it because your life will depend on it."

Gage nodded.

"And you'll do exactly what Manny says, too. WE," Martin emphasized, "Have been here a hell of a lot longer than you. Now I'm sure the department would be damn glad to have you seriously injured or killed on the job, but this is my watch and I'll be damned to lose anyone."

Johnny was shocked; someone had actually put into words why he was here in the first place.

"So you follow orders and we'll do just fine. You try to go into business for yourself and if you get killed it ain't my fault. Clear?" Martin rocked in his chair.

"Crystal." Johnny sighed.

"Good. Go with Gonzalez and meet the crew at the hospital. I'm sure they'll have lots to say to you too. Dismissed." The cap shooed him away.

Johnny did as he was told. He rode with Manny driving the squad to his new base station.

"Well we all heard about you Gage. You really put the paramedics on the map," the Latino snickered. "And not in a good way."

"You know the brass was using it as a way to get rid of me," Johnny came to his defense.

"Yeah sure, hell we even knew about you at St. Francis, you and DeSoto. Like you were some damn gods or something," Gonzalez grinned as they headed towards the hospital.

"Male Florence Nightingales," Johnny said under his breath.

"What you say Gage?" Manny glared at him. "You and your big mouth. So you'll be meeting the doctors and nurses at Mission. They don't take no shit from anybody and if you do something wrong they'll be on you so fast. Comprede?"

"Yes Manny I comprende," Gage snorted as they backed up to the ER entrance to the hospital. Johnny had watched the neighborhood driving in, graffiti and projects; yes everything he had heard was true.

Following his partner in he made note of the lack of smiles on any of the staff, any at least at Rampart smiled, well until it hit the fan and then everyone stayed away from him.

"So Gage this is Doc Fishburn," Manny introduced him to a severe looking doctor.

"John Gage," Fishburn said skeptically. His blond hair was peppered with gray hair; he had permanent frown lines and black, square glasses. The doc's eyes looked him over like a piece of rotten meat.

"Yeah Doc, nothing but best," Gonzalez snickered, "And this is Betsy Warren, don't cross her."

The woman had her hair pulled back, a serious frown on her face and green eyes which pierced his soul. "WE don't joke around here Gage, lives depend on us," she poked her finger into his chest. "IF you screw up, believe me, headquarters will know about it."

"Yes ma'am," Johnny felt like he was in third grade, he knew what the hell what he was doing.

"So I have a list of supplies," Manny said casually, "You know how it is this time of year."

Betsy said nothing as a gun shot victim was brought in.

"See ya later," Manny waved and Gage followed behind. Before they left the hospital he looked at his new partner. They were sitting in the squad." Okay Gage, this is how it goes. We don't go into any house or treat any victim until the cops arrive and that goes for every call. Same with the engine. We don't go into anyplace or treat any victim without a cop present. We don't do anyone any good if were dead."

"But what if…"

"What if they're dying? Bleeding out? NO fricken way to we leave the squad. The windows are always rolled up and everything is locked up tight. Compartments and squad. Only time it isn't is when we're in quarters. You do what I say when I say it or I'll get you written up," Manny grinned viciously.

"You'd do that?" Johnny was in shock.

"Hell yeah. Not like the department wants you here. We got the word, all of us before you came here. Hell, we'd be heroes if we did. Anything to get us off the short list," Manny grinned again as he gunned the engine.

_**Thank you for all your kind comments. This maybe my last posting for awhile as the holidays are here. Also I begin working my second job next month, tax preparer and damn good at it! Anyway, I can assure you I'm working on all my other stories and will post when I can and when my incredible beta can return them to me. So….**_

_**MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR**_

_**Joyeux Noel et Bonne Année!**_

_**Feliz Navidad y Prospero ano nuevo!**_

_**Mele Kalikimaka ame Hauoli Makahiki Hou!**_

_**Meri Kurisumasu soshite Akemashite Omedeto!**_

_**Nollaig faoi shean agus faoi shonas duit agus bliain nua faoi mhaise dhuit!  
Buon Natale e Felice Anno Nuovo!**_

_**Maligayang pasko at manigong bagong taon!**_


	14. Chapter 14

_**Well a belated Christmas present. Hope everyone had a great Christmas and our looking forward to a great 2011. God bless.**_

PS14a

The ride back to the station was quiet. Johnny got the impression his partner didn't talk much and enjoyed the drilling he had received at Mission. Apparently Brackett was efficient in notifying the hospital of his faults. But he refused to be bullied by anyone; he was a damn good paramedic. He had been vindicated and that was good enough for him.

Backing into the station he looked at the sullen faces of his shift mates and realized just how lucky he had been with all his previous stations. Climbing out he headed toward the hose tower surprised he hadn't received latrine duty just because of who he was.

Gage found Walton to hang hose and maybe get a glimpse of what was in his future.

"Well you don't seem so big now," Walton laughed as they hung hose. The man had a careless manner as the hose went every which way and overlapped other hoses.

"Big?" Johnny splayed his hand across his chest. He had been expecting this and had faced it before his previous suspension. Everyone assumed it was all about him, but it was about the patients/victims paramedics treated in a normal shift.

"Oh yeah, the big paramedic fighting the department," Walton snickered and continued with his half hearted task. "You made the whole department talk, not to mention all the damn memos about talking to the press and official channels. But I guess it never went for the wonder boy of the paramedics, huh."

"I was right you know," Johnny sighed. "I did win." He lamented knowing the department wouldn't accept him back willingly and that he had had to fight for his job.

"Yeah sure you did," Walton snickered. "You're here aren't you?" Their job done, Walton headed back into the station.

Gage looked at the high fence surrounding the property and the barbed wire on top of it. Their coverage area was the worst in the county but they had the best equipment knowing it would be bad P.R. otherwise. Putting his hands on his hips he stared at the fence until tones sounded. He was off on his first official run of the day as a paramedic.

True to his word, the paramedics didn't leave the squad until the cops arrived and the squad was locked up tight. Luckily it was a diabetic woman who had fallen. Gage followed Manny's lead and didn't like his lack of care for their patient.

Mission's instructions were cold and clinical and then the ambulance arrived. Both the ambulance and the squad got an escort to the hospital. Johnny kept his mouth shut and waited.

"So Wilma was drinking again?" One of the nurses said as Gonzalez got supplies for their box. Manny shrugged.

"Yeah, when doesn't she? One of these days she ain't going to be so lucky. Some people never learn, huh?" Manny grinned. "Same old, same old. She'll be here again," he stated with surety.

Johnny noticed the nurse looked at him and suddenly he found the HT very interesting. Manny waved and they headed back to the squad. Gage slid in the passenger side and Rodriguez drove. Manny glanced at him and then snickered.

"Oh we don't get no hypochondriacs here. People can't afford it; no, they use us as their doctors since they can't afford them," Manny explained. "You'll get use to it, like the 1st and the 15th."

"And why's that," Johnny asked seeing his partner was in a mood to give him a lay of the land.

"Social security and welfare checks, man. Most domestic abuse cases we get around then or when they get money and get high or OD." Manny backed into the station. "Believe me man, you haven't seen anything yet."

Johnny sat in the squad and decided to check out the log book. If nothing else it would give him some idea of what the future held. Going into the office he found the log book and opened it up. True to Manny's word, Gage lost count of the OD's, domestic disturbances and other myriad ailments. He closed the book and sat there a few minutes, until tones sounded and he was off again.

The rest of the day was spent on drunks, OD's and a few gunshot wounds. A strong police presence eased his mind some but his partner was almost like the perfect paramedic Brice except without any feelings. Manny was burnt out but refused to move on—or the department refused to push him.

Dinner had no taste, the few runs were emotionally draining since no one seemed to care and Gage could hardly wait for his shift to end. He helped clean up, getting looks from his shift mates. Apparently a man did his job and nothing else, being helpful was frowned upon.

Cap signaled lights out and Gage fell into a restless sleep.

The two am tones woke Johnny up from his blissful sleep. In the squad they followed the engine to a well involved house fire. Johnny noticed the lack of lookie loos and then noticed a peculiar smell emanating from the house and the lack of action of his cap.

"Hey Cap," Gage watched the burning house carefully, noticing there was still time to check it for occupants. "Can we do a quick check?"

Cap looked at him like he was from Mars. "A check Gage, get serious. In fact we're doing the neighborhood a favor."

"A favor?" Gage shook his head; watching a house burn wasn't doing anyone a favor.

"Yeah Gage, this is a well known drug house. We'll just watch it and make sure it doesn't set fire to any other structures. So grab a two and a half and wait with Manny."

He stood there helpless as the house burnt down. The crew sprayed the debris with water and did an overhaul, then headed back to the station. Johnny yawned on the way back and wondered just in the hell he had gotten himself into. He was thankful Roy didn't or wouldn't ask about it; he didn't want his best friend losing his job over his mistake.

#######

Climbing into bed, Gage found it hard to fall asleep; the house fire had him bugged.

Johnny reviewed the call in his head. A drug house as his captain called it, which should have been burned down long ago. A blight on the otherwise stellar neighborhood. _Yeah right, no one came out to look at it._

Again he remembered the call for the thousand time, and again nothing he could change. The stormy, call filled day and night, the three am woman in labor run, the husband who lied about his wife's condition, the blood from her hemorrhaging—the blood he never seemed to wash off his hands. Then there was the accusation by the husband, the rumors, the lawsuit, the hearing and finally his suspension and dismissal from the department.

Sighing inwardly he knew he couldn't turn back the clock on time and change everything. It is what it was and he would have to live with it and just take one lousy shift one at a time. He knew one day, well hopefully someday, he would laugh about this and everything else related to the lawsuit. Closing his eyes Gage finally fell asleep, dreamless.

#######

Roy got up, again from the table, opened the front door and waited for the familiar wail from his friend's motorcycle.

"Roy will you please sit down," Joanne crossed her arms. "Checking every five minutes won't make Johnny get home any sooner." She was worried too as she had a feeling both Johnny and Roy were hiding something from her.

"You don't understand Joanne, the station Johnny's at is known for..." Roy didn't want to think the worst. Men as Station 118 seemed to die with regularity. Desoto was concerned; his best friend didn't deserve this and he hadn't asked for fear it was true.

"Known for what Roy?" Joanne was now worried.

"Nothing," Roy waved her off, "nothing. You know how I am babe," DeSoto went over and hugged his wife. He looked lovingly in his wife's eyes and tried to ease his feeling that something had happened to Gage.

The front door opened bringing in an exhausted John Gage. He looked at Roy's worried face and knew for certain he knew where he had landed. Placing a grin on his face he came over to his best buddy.

"Hey Roy, see I survived," Gage grinned. _Barely, wonder if I'll get callus on the inside of my mouth to keep it shut._ "Worried?"

Roy looked at the look, a look he had seen too many times. "What," Roy pointed both hands to himself, "me worried? I know you can take care of yourself," he lied.

"If you'll don't mind I'm kinda beat. Think I'll skip breakfast," Gage grinned knowing his stomach couldn't handle any food right now. His station sucked and he would have to make the best of it.

"Sure Johnny," Roy's hands clenched. "See ya in a bit."

Gage turned and headed towards his room, hoping sleep would get the disturbing images out of his brain and recharge him for his next hellish shift.

"See Roy," Joanne grinned but could see her husband's worried eyes. "Johnny's all right. Pancakes or waffles?"

"Huh?" Roy turned to his beautiful wife and then he noticed Johnny's slumped shoulders and a scowl as he headed to his room. "Waffles."


	15. Chapter 15

PS15a

Johnny sat on his bed, dreading going out into the living room. He heard the TV and the vacuum cleaner; life was going on. Sighing, he pulled out some clean clothes deciding a shower would definitely change his attitude. Slipping into the bathroom, Gage looked at his blood shot eyes and the grimace on his face. Getting undressed he turned on the shower to let the last twenty four hours run down the drain. Climbing out of the shower and putting on clean clothes he felt like a new person and his stomach growled in hunger.

He walked out to the living room. Joanne and Roy were snuggling on the couch and he was intruding. Roy jumped up from the coach.

"Hey," Roy called softly.

"Hey, um sorry, but I'm hungry," Gage headed towards the kitchen and Joanne got up from the couch. "No, I think I can manage without destroying your kitchen Joanne."

"All right, but let me know if you need any help," Joanne smiled and Johnny shuffled to the kitchen.

Once in the kitchen, the tired man pulled out the makings of a sandwich and soup. He would have to pay back the DeSoto's someday. December seemed a lifetime away. He finished making his lunch and stood at the counter eating, not wanting to intrude on his friends. He would have to make it up to them.

"You okay in here?" Roy poked his head in the kitchen, making Johnny jump.

"Yeah I'm fine," Gage said with his mouth stuffed with food.

"You know you could bring it to the dining room," Roy stood there hands on his hips.

"I'm good Roy, really. Go back to your wife," John ordered. "I'm fine."

Roy nodded, headed back to the living room. He and his wife knew Johnny wasn't fine.

#######

The rest of the day found John and Roy at odds with each other and themselves. Johnny wanted badly to tell Roy his new station but feared the man's reaction and the point was moot. He was stuck there for the duration or until the department found a way to get rid of him.

Roy kept stealing glances at his friend, wondering what it was like in the hell-hole of a station. There was truth to some rumors although he generally didn't listen to them, much to his regret. He had heard rumors of Gage's transgressions but refused to believe the fire department would be so callous and disregard Gage's paramedic abilities and contributions to the department. Unfortunately cold hard reality had hit them both.

"Um, pass the potatoes," John asked as dinner seemed to drag.

Chris passed the potatoes, "So Uncle Johnny how do you like your new station?" The boy looked up with wonder. He had known John since he and his fathers became partners and still found it strange he know longer worked with his father.

"Huh?" Johnny cleared his throat wondering how to answer the question without giving anything away. "It was all right Chris, you know, one station is just like any other."

"What about your new partner? I remember when Dad came home after you left. I don't think he liked any of them did you?" Chris looked at his now red faced father.

"Well Chris," Roy sank, "everyone is different, just like you can't be friends with everyone at school."

Johnny played with his food and then took a bite of a biscuit. He was better with his mouth full so he couldn't say something in error. Yeah, the guys he worked with were real winners, ready to tear into him so they could go higher up on the food chain. All of his shift mates were barely hanging onto their jobs and Gage was served to them on a platter making the wolves hungrier. Yeah, his station was a real winner.

"I know Dad," Chris rolled his eyes, "but I remember how Mom talked about Uncle Johnny."

"So you've been holding out on me partner," Johnny grinned, "So Chris why don't you tell me what your Mom said about me."

Chris turned beet red, "Can I be excused? I'm done."

"Sure son, go ahead," Roy grinned as Missy disappeared with her brother.

"John Gage, you're horrible," Joanne teased him; "You know exactly how I felt about you in the beginning."

"Sorry Joanne, I couldn't resist. I'll make it up to him," Johnny helped start to clear the table.

"Johnny you don't have to do this," Joanne nudged him away.

"Yes I do. I'll do the dishes, you spend time with your family. I insist," Gage turned on his charm and Joanne acquiesced leaving Gage with cleanup duty.

Johnny heard the TV being turned on as the family settled down. If it wasn't a school night, Gage was tempted to make some popcorn. He was definitely treating the family to a Dodgers game and any thing they might want, like tickets to Disneyland or something else. Roy had no idea what a tremendous favor he was doing for him.

Roy glanced towards the kitchen as heard running water and the familiar clink and clang of dishes being done. He felt guilty that Johnny was all alone doing dishes until Joanne quietly nibbled at his ear. He turned his full attention to her, forgetting his friend's problems for the moment.

#######

Turning out the lights, Johnny had to steel himself for another shift. Roy knew, he thought, he had to know; firefighters were big gossipers and his reputation had preceded him. Sighing, he slid further into bed, hoping the morning wouldn't come quickly.

#######

Roy slammed his locker shut and stared at Brice's locker, formerly Gage's. If anyone deserved to be kicked out of the paramedics it was his anal retentive rule book talking partner who did. The man had enough compassion for people to fill a thimble half full.

"DeSoto," Brice stared at his entranced partner. "DeSoto?"

Roy silently fumed as he heard Brice's voice. It was going to be another hard shift.


	16. Chapter 16

PS16a

Roy and Johnny had come to unspoken agreement, neither would discuss Johnny's station and only made rare references to runs they had each shift. However, Roy had a harder time than Johnny to accept his fate.

Johnny was surprised how quickly he had acclimated to 118 and the men's lack of enthusiasm or concern for anyone other than themselves. Not that it stopped him; every patient or victim had his full attention. Problem was he couldn't tell Roy. The first two months were difficult on him.

"Hey Johnny," Roy smiled as they worked on the lawn. It was another perfect southern California day, blue sky with white puffy clouds. An early rain had washed away the smog and a light Santa Ana wind blew as they did yard work. After a few hours of hot and sweaty work they were both ready for a break.

"Hey Roy, want me to get some brews for our break?" Johnny grinned knowing his friend's look of impatience.

"Sure, sure. Joanne is at the PTA and the kids are playing with their friends, we got some quality time," Roy put down the rake and watched as Gage went into the house. Johnny brought them out and then they sat on the porch and sipped their beers.

"Johnny," Roy looked at Johnny. "How's…how's things?" Rubbing his nose he tried to read his friend's once expressive eyes. He wiped the sweat out of his eyes and waited patiently.

Johnny looked at his friend and knew exactly what 'things' he was talking about. "Um, Roy just like I imagined them, no better or worse, just there." He frowned and then took a long drag of his beer. _Mostly worse, pally. Don't know if I'm going to make it this time._

"But Johnny I ...is there anything I can do?" Roy took a long drag of his beer and stared out in the backyard, knowing Johnny didn't want his intense stare.

"Just being here makes a big difference, knowing you're here man, it helps a lot," Johnny grinned, knowing his friend has his back even if he wasn't there.

"You're sure Johnny? You know I could go to headquarters and…

"No, Roy, remember is was my fight not yours besides we'd better get this yard work done or Joanne will have our hides," Johnny got up and went back to work, ending their conversation.

#######

It was the 15th of the month and Gage dreaded going to work. He knew what the shift would be like. Three months and the runs were wearing him down, but he refused to be callous. Just like his partner had predicted, the morning started out worse and got progressively slow. From bar fights to OD's, people cashed their checks and played recklessly with their lives.

They received the midnight call. Both men were serious; it was a domestic disturbance. Johnny hated them, never knowing what or who they would find. Working at 118, he found the few domestic disturbances he had previously been to didn't compare. More often than not a code F would result and another family would be torn apart.

They pulled up to a run down apartment building, the police car and ambulance already at the scene. Flashing blue and red lights with the low lying fog made for a surreal sight. Grabbing their equipment, they trudged tiredly up the stairs and through the open apartment door.

In the small apartment, a woman lay on the floor, bleeding out. Her face was cut and she had a black eye. A man in handcuffs looked angry and two scared children looked on in fear. The apartment smelled of burnt bacon, cigarette smoke and fear. Both the police officer and attendants had grim faces.

"The bitch didn't have my dinner ready when I came home. She fed the two brats but wouldn't feed me! I needed to teach her a lesson," the drunken man gloated.

Johnny quickly assessed the woman who had multiple stab wounds. He heard Manny on the biophone and went to work. Looking up he saw the tear stained faces of the two frightened little girls. They were dressed in threadbare pajamas. In the background, Gage heard the drunken husband being led away and handed off to another police officer.

"Your mom is going to be all right," Johnny assured the girls. But he could see they were in shock. "Really c'mon now. They'll be okay." Johnny's quiet voice called as he looked at the shell shocked and tear stained faces of the other victims in this domestic abuse case.

"Gage," Manny snorted. "Social services will take care of the kids, it ain't in our job description." The Hispanic paramedic didn't want to get attached to the children of their victims, since to him it seemed everyone was a victim.

"No, man. They're riding with me to the hospital," Gage hissed, "Their mom is going to be okay and they need to see this before being shuffled off to some foster home."

"Have it your way, Gage. I'll let the officer know," Manny snorted as the ambulance attendants showed up.

True to his word, the frightened children rode in with Johnny; he wrapped them in blankets and calmed them down. However as soon as he jumped out of the ambulance a woman and police officer were waiting. His patient was quickly whisked away and Gage held on tightly to the frightened girls.

Manny came behind Gage.

"Janine," Manny offered his hand. "Guess we're both working tonight."

"Yes we are. These are the children," Janine looked at him, then at Johnny and the frightened children.

"Yes this is Mary and Sylvia Wang," Johnny introduced the two traumatized children.

"I'll take it from here," Janine cooed softly, took both girls hands and started walking away.

"You take care of them," Johnny ordered, feeling totally helpless.

"That's my job Mr. Gage, you just do yours," Janine turned in a huff with her charges.

So Johnny had finally met one of the social workers the victims of the victims ended up with. Just the three short months of working at 118's had opened his eyes. He had never seen so much squalor and pain in one place. Finally finding his center, he turned away. He refused to let his mind drag up images from the rez. Gage had seen enough death and destruction there.

The rest of the shift was quiet and then he quickly left the station. Heading to the DeSoto's he found himself in a terrible funk and knew he couldn't face his friends. He needed some serious down time, maybe a bike ride somewhere. Then he thought of Roy and how much they had helped him. Pushing down his feelings, he pulled into the DeSoto driveway. Seeing Roy's Porsche in the driveway, he knew Roy would be also asking questions.

Opening the door, he found Roy waiting with a worried expression on his face.

"Hey Johnny," Roy waved and gave a very weak, reassuring smile.

"Hey," Johnny grinned, "man I'm beat we had a late night run. Think I'll crash for a little while."

"Sure, you do that. Let me know when you get hungry," Roy waved as Gage quickly disappeared into his bedroom.

Roy knew something was bugging his friend; all he had done was read it in the paper. Every article where Gage's territory was mentioned only heightened his feelings. Not a very religious man, he now took to praying every day his friend went on shift.

#######

Dinner was a subdued affair. Johnny forced himself to eat seconds on dinner and dessert. Roy kept taking side glances as his friend contributed to the conversation. Looking at the DeSoto children he had a brilliant idea.

"Hey Roy, Joanne. Um, there's a holiday coming up and Roy and I aren't working and school's out. So I was thinking we go to Disneyland." T_he happiest place on earth will sure as hell take me out of _118, he thought.

"Johnny," Roy kept his tone even and calm, trying to figure out what was going on with his friend. "That's awfully expensive."

"Hey it's only money, besides when's the last time you've been? You've been letting me stay here, rent free by the way. I just wanta do something nice for you guys. Please!" Johnny looked at Joanne, giving it his best Gage charm.

"Say yes Mom," Chris begged. "Please for Uncle Johnny." He had his hands clasped and a bright smile on his face.

"Please Daddy, say yes," Missy grinned and grinned at her favorite uncle.

"Roy," Joanne sighed and looked at John and her children.

"Oh, okay," Roy grinned knowing his friend needed a serious break. "Okay."

The next day found the DeSoto's and John Gage at Disneyland. Luckily they had four days off. Johnny took delight in the children's faces as they explored the amusement park. With protesting from Roy, Johnny bought everyone two ticket books, intent on everyone not fighting over what rides to go on.

"Hungry?" Johnny asked his favorite friends. Setting them down at a café on Main Street, he paid for dinner just as the Fantasy in the Sky fireworks lit up the sky. Gage took tell by his tired friends he had done the right thing. The whole day he hadn't thought of 118 and its problems. Today was just for him and the DeSoto's the rest of the world be damned.


	17. Chapter 17

PS17

John sighed as he pulled into the station parking lot. It had been a difficult two days off; somehow he felt he had been intruding on his friends. Every time he went into a room Roy and Joanne would quickly separate. Living there made their intimacy difficult and troublesome. Of course Roy never admitted to it, saying he could stay as long as he wanted. Knowing his friend, Roy had some misplaced guilt along with friendship. Much as he hated the idea, he would have to move soon and leave the comfort and safety of his friend's house.

Gage had no illusions on how many bets had been placed on him staying, but so far he hadn't screwed up and felt he could continue somehow. Changing quickly he headed to the bay to check supplies and the radio. He could tell it was going to be a bad day; he could hear arguing in the day room. Not that it was any different than any other day, but the intensity had been ramped up a few notches.

Weaver and George were at it again, only louder this time. Seeking refuge in the bay, Gage did a quick assessment of the drug box and did a radio check. A large clap of thunder signaled how his shift was going to be, shitty and shittier. Rain just did something to their patients, mostly bad. Sighing heavily, he walked over to the engine and waited for roll call and assignments to be over.

It wasn't until lunch was over and the rain came down harder when the squad and engine were both called out. The apartment building was fully involved and they were they second station to respond. The rain didn't help as steam rose from the fire creating an eerie mist of smoke and steam.

A large woman, her clothes covered in soot ran to their captain. Her vacant eyes seemed to peer into his very soul.

"Sir, there are two tenants who aren't here. They're on the second floor, apartment 20A." Tears were running down her face. Her eyes were red and she breathed heavily.

Gage and Manny did a sweep of the apartment to find two code F's and they drug out the bodies as the captain called for the coroner. So far Johnny felt they were batting a thousand. Their next four runs were no better. A young female with a botched abortion died of hemorrhaging on the way to hospital, and two more fatalities at a car accident rounded out the day.

Johnny pushed his food around as Weaver and George got into it again. Disgusted with his shift mate's behavior, Gage got up from the table, washed his plates and utensils and headed out to the yard. For some reason he missed the roar of the traffic on the 405 freeway. The only thing he heard was yelling, screaming and screeching tires. Shrugging, he decided to turn in early, anything to block out the lousy shift so far. The light mist signaling the storm had passed and the new day would be better, hopefully.

The three am run did nothing to help the depressed paramedic's mood. Possible drug overdose times two, ambulance called and no doubt their friendly neighborhood police escort.

Manny savagely put the squad in park slammed the door of the squad and the compartments. He wasn't having a good day either, apparently. The cops pulled up and they followed them up into the rat infested, urine smelling hell hole of an apartment. All the apartments were beginning to meld together, one trash filled lawn after another. Pushing down the bile in their throat, the first cop turned off the pounding stereo and they looked at their two overdosed victims. Both men couldn't be over the age of nineteen.

Manny took one as a cop stood by and Johnny grabbed the other before the second cop shadowed him. One second he was checking out his victim, the next he left arm screamed in pain as he saw his blood drip onto the filthy carpet. He almost blacked out before he fell on his knees. Besides him sat his scissors from his holster, bloody and bent.

Manny's angry voice filtered through the darkness and then he felt the circulation being cut off on his arm.

"Yeah you can take him in the squad car," Manny said as his attacker was lead away.

"Gage you just know how to end a perfect shift don't ya?" Rodriguez shook his head as the attendants arrived. The other OD was placed on the gurney while Manny guided him down the stairs.

"Hey could you have somebody drive our squad in?" Manny's voice was calmer. Apparently getting an answer, he helped Gage into the back of the ambulance.

Johnny took a seat on the other side of the ambulance as his partner worked on the other OD. He closed his eyes and felt every single, pothole and bump in the road to the hospital.

_Partner? Manny was never a partner, could never be a partner. Well pally, you had your one mistake. God, why did it have to be so damn hard? Oh well, I got a lot of money saved up. Don't know what the hell I'm going to do. Roy, Roy was and is a partner. We watched each others backs, a brother I never had. Gawd I'm going to miss the DeSoto's._

The sudden stop of the ambulance told him they were at the hospital for his final visit as a paramedic. He opened his eyes to the bright lights and blindly followed the gurney, their victim and his partner into the ER. He and Manny were directed to a treatment room, not that his condition could ever be diagnosed and treated, but hey they tried. Bright lights and the ice cold room did nothing to enhance his mood.

Johnny found his shirt taken off, and bandages. The nurse mumbled something about Fishburn coming to check him course it was going to be Fishburn, why spoil a perfect record, Brackett had been there for his death knell. The nurse, with a permanent frown on her face, did her job efficiently without one kind word.

It wasn't long before the treatment room opened to show the doctor arriving. Of course it would be the head of the ER; right know he would have given his eye tooth for Morton.

"So what happened," Fishburn delicately looked at his wound. The doctor's hands seem ice cold and Gage held his breath as he inspected the wound.

Well it was in Manny's court, might as well let him get the glory.

"Well you know how it is doc, those OD's-you never know what their going to do," Manny crossed his arms and waited.

Fishburn looked at the paramedic and his injured partner. Johnny was still in shock and just nodded, not sure if it wasn't the injury causing him to hear things.

"Well why don't you relax John, lets get an x-ray to make sure nothing major was damaged before we suture you up." The doc's voice was kind and concerned, throwing Gage off as well.

"Um sure, you're the boss," Gage felt himself being lowered onto the bed as it was adjusted up, and then his left arm was placed against his chest. He was too damn tired to talk or even argue with Manny.

"I'm going to get some coffee and tell the Cap," Manny said quietly exiting the treatment room.

Gage didn't open his eyes hearing the x-ray tech come in and take photos for the good doctor. Fact was he considered this a blessing, he would be gone from 118 forever, no more not talking about it and seeing Roy dying to know what was going on.

_Yeah pally, just be glad I got out of your lives. I'm nothing but trouble. Man I must be dreaming. Manny didn't rat me out. Must be hurt worse than I thought._

The doctor came in with x-rays and made Gage sit up.

"Well I do admire you guys in the field," Fishburn injected the latacane into his wound. The cold stinging drug quickly took effect, making it difficult for John to keep his eyes open.

"Yeah doc those OD's never know which way they'll turn, right Gage?" Manny's voice was calm and collected.

Again he just nodded realizing it hadn't been a dream, Rodriguez was defending him, in some small way. Johnny continued to sit in silence as he was sutured up, wrapped and then given a sheet of instructions on wound care. Fishburn exited to be replaced with the frowning nurse who stuffed his prescriptions in his uniform shirt pocket. Then they were off, back to the station.


	18. Chapter 18

PS18

Somehow Johnny remembered being stitched and bandaged up with medications stuck in his uniform pocket. He was told to take a couple of shifts off and come back to take his stitches out. After that, things got real hazy. Sliding in the cab, he had almost dozed off when a large snapping noise woke him up.

"GAGE!" Manny looked pissed.

"Huh," Gage's eyes got wide, and then he had to squint. The morning light was hurting his eyes.

"Just to let you know this is a one time, and one time only get out of jail free card. You screw up again and everyone's going to know about it. And I mean everyone," Manny emphasized. His brown eyes bore into his.

Johnny nodded, still in shock from his partner's change of demeanor. He thought he was done; stick a fork in him, and he'd try to be a paramedic someplace else. The ride was quiet; he laid his head against the cold glass of the window and was asleep.

Opening his eyes, Gage was back at the station, looking at the clock it was 5 a.m. as he climbed out of the cab. Every muscle protested, and then he saw Cap.

"Hey, cap," Johnny waved with his good arm.

"Gage, go lie down," the man ordered.

Johnny didn't push his luck. Although 5 am, he felt it was noon, and he was tired. A good hour would do him some good.

"So tell me what happened," Cap asked Manny.

The paramedic lingered in the dorm room door and waited.

Yep, Manny repeated the same story; his ass was saved for the present moment. Walking quietly to his bunk, he took off his boots and shirt, leaving his bunkers on and not caring what happened to his turnout or his helmet. Thinking he wouldn't be able to sleep, he was gone before he hit the pillow.

Opening his eyes, Johnny glanced up at the clock in the dorm. 11 a.m. _Shit!_ He got up quickly throwing on his shirt, stripped off his bunkers and shoved his shoes back on. Each movement made his arm throb but he kept pushing. Roy probably wore a hole in the floor by now. It was going to have to stop; it was time to move out. Gage knew he liked having his safety net, but this was the right time.

It wasn't until he got to the bay he heard it—the steady, pounding beat of rain. Hard sheets of rain, wind whipped icy Alaskan rain, and it chilled him as a draft came through the open bay doors.

"Hey Gage," Cap asked as Johnny quickly buttoned up his leather jacket and tucked his helmet under his arm.

"You going to be okay riding home on that crotch rocket?" He seemed genuinely concerned.

"Yeah, of course, not a problem. Besides I have a few days off," Johnny grinned.

"Well Gage you take it easy," Cap waved and then headed back into the office.

Putting his helmet on before heading out to the yard, his surreal shift had come to an end. There was no way in hell was he going on the freeway, his reactions were slow and he really didn't want to be a sig alert. Surface streets it was though twice as long, no phone call to the DeSoto's either. He wiped the rain off of the seat, kicked started the engine, released the brake and was ready for his long arduous journey home.

By the time he got home it was past one, he was chilled to the bone and soaking wet. Pulling into the open garage, Gage could feel the piercing stare of his friend through the drapes. His injured arm ached and he tried not to show it, making sure to cradle his helmet in the injured arm.

Grimacing Johnny made his way to the kitchen opening the door from the garage. He could smell something wonderful on the stove, but his stomach did somersaults.

"Johnny," Roy reached for his injured arm and squeezed. "Where the hell have you been?"

Unable to stop it, the helmet fell from his arm. "ARGGHH"

"Johnny," Joanne rushed to him. "What did you do to him?" She tenderly held up his injured arm.

"He didn't do anything Joanne," Gage felt some feeling come back to his arm. "I had an accident at work is all."

He downplayed it but could see Roy wasn't buying it.

"An accident huh?" Roy crossed his arms. "What kind of accident?" Those blue eyes made him shiver.

"An accident. Sheesh Roy, like you never have accidents. Look I'm tired and cold I just want to take a nap before dinner is that all right?" Johnny stood his ground, knowing it was time to move out.

"No, go right ahead," Roy shooed him away, giving him a 'we'll talk later' look.

Going into this room, he shrived as he changed out of his soaking clothes into warm underwear and sweats, lying on his back he was quickly asleep.

#######

It wasn't until later that a soft knock at his door woke him up. Automatically stretching, his injured arm protested, and then he stood up and shuffled out the door. Once in the dining room, the kids were in front of the TV in the living room. Joanne and Roy were waiting for him in the kitchen.

"Sleep well?" Joanne smiled. "Go sit; I'll bring you dinner." Johnny looked up to see it was 7:30 well past dinner time.

Johnny walked to the dining room and sat down as Joanne made him a plate and then joined the children. Roy sat down next to him and nursed his coffee.

Forcing himself the injured man ate as a pretext to talk to his friend. Roy didn't really know how close he came to buying it this morning. Instead of his arm, the over dosed man could have easily stabbed him in the heart. Gage counted himself lucky and knew it was time to cut the ties. Granted, he would miss the home cooked meals, the worried looks but he was given a second chance and he had no intention of dragging his friend through the muck with him.

"Great as usual Joanne" Johnny stood up knowing Roy wouldn't stop him, thankful for his friend's good manners. He picked up the plate only to be stopped.

"I'll take care of it," Roy grabbed the plate and Johnny made his exit.

Gage almost made until he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Johnny," Roy almost whispered. "Are you okay?"

Turning around, Johnny felt like he was reliving the past of 18 months ago. "Yeah Roy I'm good. Just tired. I'll see you day after tomorrow after you get off shift, 'kay?"

"Sure, okay," Roy reluctantly agreed. "We're going to have a nice long talk."

Johnny gave a half grin, but not before saying goodnight to everyone. Thankfully Joanne had left a glass of water for him in his room. He took the medication, knowing he would be needing it for tomorrow.

#######

The next day he felt like he was sneaking out as he said good bye to Joanne. He purposely missed seeing Roy or the kids. Waving goodbye to Joanne he got on his bike, thankful the storm had passed. Finding a restaurant, he parked his bike, took off his helmet, got a paper and headed into the place. A cute waitress made eyes at him and sat him down at a booth, pouring him coffee and offering him a menu.

After ordering his breakfast, he got down to business looking at apartment want ads. He had one day to find a suitable place, figuring the quicker the better. He wasn't the only one to stew in his own juices. Circling ten places with his lucky green pen, he quickly ate, checking the weather section for the next three days. It was 9 a.m. and he had a busy day ahead of him.

By noon he had his own apartment, thankful for the thrift store a block away. He was able to outfit his apartment, quickly and added a little red wagon to his inventory. Granted it wasn't much, but it was his. He needed to pack up his things from the DeSoto's. On the way there he made a second key and he reminded himself to call the phone company to get a new phone.

Walking through the door of the DeSoto house Joanne looked at him, no, through him and she knew what he had done.


	19. Chapter 19

PS19

Johnny looked at Joanne and quickly headed to his room. He carried his makeshift basket, a plastic milk box and some bungee cords. Tucked inside were some trash bags for his meager belongings which had somehow multiplied since living with the DeSoto's. When he originally arrived he had about the same amount of clothes and items as when he had left; the trailer in New Mexico left little room for personal stuff. Now he had to find a place for everything, his uniforms, toiletries, books and other sundry items he had acquired. Once he finished packing he was ready to face the firing squad.

"Uncle Johnny," Chris cornered him, looking hopeful. "Want to play catch with me?"

"Sure Chris where's Missy?" Johnny went to get his mitt in his room, something he had acquired at the DeSoto's.

"Oh she's at a friend's house. Hey Mom, we're going to play catch out in the backyard," Chris waved and so did Johnny as he reached the sanctuary of the backyard. He glanced at his watch; he would have a few hours to spend with Chris before facing Joanne. He hoped she would understand it was for their own good. He had dodged the bullet this time but next time . . . three strikes and he was out, for good maybe.

#######

Dinner was a subdued affair and Johnny had a feeling she had called Roy at the station. He helped clean up and the kids were sent to bed.

Joanne brewed some coffee and called Johnny over to the dining room table. She poured two cups of coffee and then served up some peanut butter cookies.

Johnny blew on his coffee and took a sip.

"So when did you plan on telling us?" Joanne's voice was filled with accusations. "Do you plan on leaving tonight?" Her voice softened.

The nervous man looked at her. The DeSoto's had given him so much and he had returned so little, but he knew it was the right time. "No, I plan on leaving tomorrow, after talking to you and Roy of course. You've done so much for me and I don't think I can ever repay you," Johnny sighed.

"Johnny, friends don't expect repayment. I just hoped you could stay with us longer," Joanne smiled and looked at him.

"Nope, time for the bird to leave the nest. _Before it gets worse again._ Besides not like you're going to get rid of me completely," Johnny smiled and took a bite of cookie. "How else am I going to enjoy your cooking?"

Joanne laughed. "Well…you've done a lot for Roy."

"Oh?" Johnny got serious.

"Did you know he pulled a shift at 43's to get a look at the logbook? Only by the time he got there headquarters had it," Joanne watched as her statement sunk in.

"Oh, Joanne… I … I'm my own worst enemy," Gage set the cookie back down. Suddenly he had no idea the pain and suffering he had caused his best friend.

"Yes, Roy read and watched anything he could on your case. Since the department only issued official press releases and your name wasn't … it was difficult for Roy not to talk about you," Joanne touched Gage's hand. "You're his best friend."

"Same here, that's why I did the things I did Joanne, and you know it's time I leave," Johnny stated, hoping she could convince Roy.

"Wow it's getting late," Johnny started to get up.

"If you really want to thank us, Roy then you'll tell him everything." There she had stated.

"Everything?" Johnny swallowed hard. "Joanne it … some … I can't promise that Joanne. Even I have a hard time with it."

"Okay, then how about the run that leading up to your dismissal? Roy doesn't talk about his shifts unless something gets to him and somehow he feels responsible. Maybe if you tell him about the run he can move on." Joanne squeezed his hand. "Can you do that for me, please?"

"Yah Joanne I can do that," Johnny ran his hand through his hair. "I can promise that much. The rest I really don't know." Suddenly he felt very drained. "Good night."

"Good night, Johnny and thank you," she wiped a few errant tears.


	20. Chapter 20

PS20

So the big day had arrived. Funny, he felt like he was running away. But he wasn't running away, just running to his future. He had to think positively. Walking into the living room, Roy's serious face greeted him. _Yup, Joanne had told. Roy's face said it all._

"Hey Roy," John waved. "How was your shift?" He smiled hoping to deflect some of his friend's anger.

"Interesting," Roy smirked as he kissed his children goodbye as they headed to school. "Make sure you say goodbye to Uncle Johnny since he won't be here when you get back."

Sure enough, both children came over, gave him the biggest kiss and hug he had felt in his entire life, making him feel guiltier then sin.

"Now kids, I'm coming back to visit," Johnny glared at his friend. "Really. I just got a place of my own is all. Besides you know I love your mom's cooking."

"All right, now hurry before you miss the bus," Joanne admonished as she led the children out of the house.

Well he knew Roy was royally pissed to put it mildly. The man was way too quiet.

"Hungry? Stupid question; when aren't you hungry?" quickly Roy sauntered to the kitchen forcing Johnny to follow.

Joanne returned shortly, kissed Roy and stated she had errands to run. _Chicken_, Johnny thought to himself. She hugged and kissed him on the cheek.

"Don't make yourself a stranger Johnny. You know how to use the phone, right?" She grinned and then left.

"You know Roy your whole family is a bunch of comedians, I tell ya," Johnny watched as Roy magically pulled food out of the oven.

"Sit," Roy ordered gently but firmly, finding a place setting for him.

"I ate," Roy brought in the food, went back to the kitchen and brought out coffee and milk. "You need your strength."

Digging in Gage saw his friend had a worried look in his eyes, pained and worried, like the few times when DeSoto thought he screwed up or he was injured. _Duh, you ditz, you are fricken injured._

Finished, Johnny pushed his plate back ready for a serious discussion with his friend.

"I was goin to tell ya you know. I mean, hell Roy, I been living here rent free for four months. Don't ya think its time you get your privacy back?" Gage grinned hoping his argument worked.

Roy stared at him for a very long time and his injured arm.

"We have kids, we don't have any privacy. Johnny, you don't have to do this," DeSoto's blue eyes bored into him. "We don't mind, really."

"Sure ya don't Roy. That's why I feel like a third wheel," Johnny finished his coffee then reached into his pocket. "Here," he pushed a key and a piece of paper with his new address across the table. "As soon as I get a phone, you'll be the first person I call, 'kay?"

Standing up he headed to his room to finish the little packing he had left. Once the box was overflowing he took one last long look and then left. Roy was his shadow going to his bike.

"You'd better call me Johnny. Cause I know where you live now," Roy grinned.

"Well pally to quote your lovely wife, don't make yourself a stranger" Johnny offered his hand. "Thanks for everything, I mean it and I'm going to pay you back."

Roy returned the hand shake; he took one last look at the house, put his helmet on and hoped it hid his few scant tears. Waving goodbye he headed to his new place.

#######

It had been a week since he had moved out. He had called Roy once his phone was working and just had his first shift back to work. Manny seemed kinder, or maybe it was just his imagination. It didn't matter, he told himself as he went about making coffee.

A knock on the door surprised him. Going to the door he opened it to find Roy DeSoto.

"Hey c'mon in," Johnny ushered in him.

"Figured I'd give you a week to settle in," Roy stuck his hands in his pockets, not liking what he was seeing. For one, Gage's living room furniture consisted of a worn blue bean bag, a floor lamp with a paisley shade and a makeshift bookcase with no TV or stereo in sight. The apartment was smaller than he had imagined.

"Hey, want some coffee?" Johnny pointed to a small kitchen with a tiny counter and two unmatched bar stools along with a beat up avocado green refrigerator than contrasted with the goldish, brownish shag carpeting.

"Sure," Roy inhaled the sweet nectar; he had missed his friend's coffee. He pulled up a barstool and Gage gave him a cup. "What about you," he asked, knowing Johnny's penchant for coffee.

"I'm good, real good," Johnny grinned and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Um, you don't mind?" Roy felt pressure on his bladder.

Johnny watched Roy's face carefully, then replied, "Take a right, can't miss it."

On the way to the head, Roy took a quick glance through the door of the bedroom to find an air mattress and a sleeping bag on top. There was table lamp on the floor along with a clock radio. He stole a quick glance in the cupboard next to the head to find it empty. Once in the bathroom, he noted a few towels and a washcloth. Doing his business helped calm down his anger; his friend shouldn't have to live like this.

"Kinda small?" Roy seated himself back on the barstool to find toast and jam too on a paper towel.

"Hey I don't need much, Roy. Besides it's not like I'm dating or anything," Johnny looked seriously at his friend. "Hey Roy I got to tell you something."

Roy put down his toast fearing the worst.

"Um, well," Johnny stumbled. "I never told you about the run that got me canned," Gage stuck his hands in his pockets. "I mean you warned me. God, did you warn me."

Roy could see just talking about the run hurt his friend. "Johnny, you don't have to tell me."

"Yeah, yeah I do. I mean you put up with me this long, huh pally?" Johnny grinned.

"Joanne didn't talk to you did she?" Roy could see it was tearing his friend up.

"No, really she didn't." Johnny pressed his hand to his chest." You deserve to know, you know." Johnny countered, knowing Roy could see right through him.

Roy nodded and waited while Johnny got it together. He held his coffee cup tighter.

Johnny settled himself against the kitchen counter, pushed his hands in his pockets, sighed and then began.

"It was lousy weather like last week. You know raining sheets and sheets, we didn't even finish roll call and we were rolling. Californians don't know how to drive in fricken rain, ya know."

Roy nodded in agreement, knowing all too well what rain did to drivers.

"So the whole day was filled with TAs, rescuing people from their cars, all and all a shitty and wet day, until dinner. It slowed down once the rain stopped, or so I thought," Johnny took his hands out of his pockets, sighed and then continued.

"We get done with dinner and then there's nothing. Thinking people are finally in for the night. We all crawl into bed and then it happens!" Johnny's hands shot up. "The damned three am woman in labor call."

"As soon as we left the bay, the sky opened up. Thunder, lightening, even hail. Didn't know if we were goin to make it since there were damned stop lights out. Told my partner we'd need flashlights since there were power outages all over the county. Good thing is was so early, 'cause man I didn't know if we'd make it," Johnny's jaws clenched and Roy knew it was getting harder to talk about the call.

"So the whole fricken house is lit up like a Christmas tree. Every single light has to be on and we pull in, grab the equipment and head to the porch. Husband is pacing like a caged tiger and we follow him in. She's upstairs, God Roy we could hear her screaming from downstairs. I look at my partner and knew it was bad, real bad." Johnny sighed deeper.

"You goin to be okay?" Roy could see the color drain from Johnny's face.

"Yeah, yeah. So we go up to the bedroom. Her feet are propped up, there's a TV and on the nightstand are tissues and medications. Damn it Roy, she had preeclampsia. I know she did. I asked the husband three times, man three times and he denied it. Well I got her vitals and called it in. I told Brackett everything, the drugs, her condition, her lost pregnancies. I didn't think we'd ever get her stabilized, and my partner was no help at all," Johnny was shaking now.

Roy jumped up from the bar stool and opened up the cupboard to find nothing, by his third try he found one glass, one dinner plate, one salad plate, one bowl and one set of utensils. His anger was mounting; filling the glass with water he thrust it at Gage.

With shaking hands, Johnny took the water gratefully and then another.

"Man, it … I don't understand this. I shouldn't be getting upset like this, I'm a damned trained professional," Johnny whispered.

Roy stood by close, moved quickly to get another bar stool and sat his friend on it.

"You're human Johnny, remember," Roy grinned. Thankful Gage was finally talking about it.

Johnny nodded, shooed Roy away and then got his bearings.

"So we get her stabilized and in the ambulance. Wasn't in there for five minutes and she started hemorrhaging. The guy wanted to take her to Mercy, but I convinced him to go to Rampart. But it wouldn't have made a difference anyway," Johnny wiped at his eyes. "She's bleeding all over the place and Frank's on the phone with Rampart and I can't do a fricken thing, Roy. She's dying and I can't do a fricken thing. The next thing you know we're at Rampart. It's bad Roy, they take her up to the OR on the gurney and I'm covered in blood. I don't think I can ever wash it off my hands, ever," Gage lamented.

DeSoto could see John still felt some guilt though there was nothing he could have done.

"Johnny," Roy comforted him.

"I know. I know. But man, I knew I was in trouble. I come out of the head and Dixie shoots me one of those looks. Can't even get a pair of scrubs, so I grab the equipment and head outside. It's cold, wet and damp but I need the fresh air," Johnny turned away from Roy and braced himself against the counter.

Roy noted Gage's shaking arms and started to get up.

"I'm fine Roy, just give me a minute," Johnny's voice shook. "Besides you know the rest."

"Yeah I know the rest." _The department hearing, the lawsuit, the trial and then his friend disappearing off the face of the earth."_ Sure Johnny," Roy turned his attention to his now cold coffee and realized Gage only had one set of dishes and offered him the only cup for coffee. "Johnny about the coffee."

"Oh," Johnny turned around. "I just have to get some more dishes. Guess I wasn't thinking," Johnny gave a half crooked smile, "another run to the thrift store. Yeah, Roy I'm really lucky the thrift store's only a block away."

Roy almost lost it then and there; his best friend was reduced to shopping at the thrift store because he was damn scared or so unsure he would keep his job. But Roy maintained his calm.

"So what are you doing today?" DeSoto changed the subject anything to relive the tension.

"Um," Johnny cleared his throat. "Going to a museum."

"A museum, huh?" Roy took a sip of his cold coffee "Seriously?" He hoped Johnny would eventually tell him everything, in his own time of course. Over that year he had heard, seen and tried to piece together as much as he could as his friend's life was torn apart. Johnny had tried to shield and protect him to his discontent and dismay.

"Yeah Roy, seriously. You know I really didn't know what culture I was missing until I left. I mean L.A. has all these museums, art galleries and lots of live theatre. I mean not like the Music Center or Pantages, but all these little playhouses. So I'm taking advantage of it, you know. Expand my mind," Johnny spoke proudly.

"You think the world can live with that? I mean John Gage with an expanded mind sounds dangerous," Roy laughed at his own joke, knowing his friend was trying to save money.

"Ha. Ha. You should go home Roy. I'm good, really," Johnny walked over to his friend. "Roy I'm okay." He patted Roy on the back.

"You sure?" Roy got up and Johnny walked him to the door.

"Yeah I'm sure. I'll see ya later," Gage opened the door.

"No, we'll see you next week for dinner, deal?" Roy hoped Johnny would catch some breaks.

"Deal Roy, now git!" Johnny mocked shoved Roy out of his apartment.

**Ah the tax season is over with and time for a well deserved staycation. Seems I'll be missed since I'm taking it at an inopportune time! Anyway, thanks to all my faithful readers and I promise to continue my other stories. **

**Happy Easter! For he has risen, indeed!**


	21. Chapter 21

PS21

Johnny was happy to see his friend go, but he knew Roy didn't like his new apartment or his furnishings. His once partner was way too quiet and way too accommodating. Noting his friend's mood he dismissed it and headed out. A large L.A. County museum of art was calling his name.

#######

Roy was fuming and surprised smoke wasn't coming out of his ears. In his mind, Johnny was still being punished. He was surprised since his name had been cleared that he hadn't demanded the money that was taken from him so unjustly, first his salary for the whole year and then the settlement from the lying sonofabitch who took Johnny to court. They all owed his friend more than money could ever repay.

Roy chewed on his lower lip, thinking he would have to find a way to convince his friend of his self worth and get Johnny's confidence back along with the money that was owed to him.

#######

Pulling his motorcycle into the parking lot Johnny locked his bike, took his helmet and started walking to the large structure. He was stupid, dumb or ignorant, just maybe wasn't as cultured as he could be. He couldn't ever recall Roy not reading some heavy book at the station, from art to philosophy. Gage had decided he would change his attitude; he had balked at going to the opera and only went after his good old friend Roy guilted him into going. The fat lady singing had changed his perception of opera after that.

#######

His white knuckles on the steering wheel made his hands ached as Roy got out of the car. He slammed the car door and headed into the house. Finding Joanne in the kitchen, he gave her a hard, long kiss to relieve his tension.

She offered him a cup of coffee and noted the sadness in his eyes.

"I take it the visit to Johnny didn't go so well?" She crossed her arms and waited patiently. Her husband took his time speaking and trying to identify his feelings.

"Yeah, you could say that," Roy took a sip of the coffee and set the cup on the kitchen counter. "Joanne he's living like some refugee," he looked down at the floor. "I swear his apartment isn't much bigger than the damn trailer I found him in New Mexico. Not to mention he's buying all his stuff from the thrift store."

Joanne laughed and then looked at her worried husband.

"Roy you know Johnny always danced to a different drummer," she smiled trying to ease her husband's mind. "Besides it his decision to go after the money or not."

"Yeah, I know," Roy bit his lower lip. "But there's got to be a way to help him out without him knowing were helping him out."

Joanne walked over and kissed her husband. "I know you'll find a way Roy. Just let me know what you need me to do."

#######

Johnny had wandered all over the museum, looking at the all the pieces and trying to absorb the meanings from the painters. Crossing his arms in front of kinetic sculpture reminding him of the time he had lost Drew and the discovery of the artist with his awesome sculpture. He wondered whatever happened to the merry go round sculpture the man gave to the station. His feet were getting tired and his stomach grumbled in protest.

Finding the small restaurant he counted out his money, happy with a sandwich and coffee. His thoughts turned to Roy and knew his best friend wasn't happy about his living conditions. Truth be told he was scared and had hoarded all his money. When and if he was let go this time he would have something more to fall on then his abilities. Glad he never told Roy how he ended up in Paradise. He had run out of money and gas, a very simple story. Shaking his head, he finished his meal and he decided to take on the bigger galleries at the museum.

#######

Out in the backyard, Roy tackled mowing the grass; the mind numbing job helped him to get over his anger over Johnny. It always seemed he was the perennial sad sack, through no fault of his own. But this time Roy would have something to say and do about it. But it didn't clear his mind completely.

Tired, Johnny noticed the huge canvas when he walked into the room. It was a large as the room or at least the wall, the painting was called Happiness by Munoe. From what he could see it was a multitude of colors. He spotted a padded bench and gratefully sat down.

Upon further inspection, Happiness turned into a bunch of muted browns, golds, greens and black. Not his idea of happiness, he thought. Happiness was yellows, blues, oranges and reds, not this darkness. Yawning he contemplated the painting and its meaning.

He was still staring at the painting when he felt someone sit next to him on the bench.

"Perplexing isn't it?" A female voice inquired.

"Yeah, yeah it is," Johnny replied.

"Me, I think of happiness as reds and yellows," the female voice answered.

"Well me personally," Johnny placed his hand on his chest, "I think of yellows, blues and greens. You know happy colors of nature, like when you see a wildflower hiking up a mountain, you know."

"Wildflowers?" the female voice giggled.

"Yes, wildflowers. Once you seen them in the wild, in crags and places they shouldn't be growing, gives you hope and I guess happiness," he answered.

A bell sounded, and an announcement was made.** The museum will be closing in Fifteen minutes. The museum will be closing in Fifteen minutes.**

Johnny stood up and stretched and looked at his seat companion. She was a tall blonde with green eyes and he was in shock from her beauty.

"Hello," the woman giggled. "I'm Veronica Hage." She offered her hand.

"Um, John Gage," he wiped his hand on his jeans and she took it.

"Hungry?" Veronica asked as his stomach grumbled.

"Um, yes," Gage found himself tongue tied in front of the beauty in front of him.

"Well I know this great place about a block from here. Game?" Her smile was infectious.

"Sure, um, I'll meet you," Johnny put his hand on the Veronica's back.

"Sure. Sure." They both walked out of the museum together.

#######

Roy's two days off had done nothing to abate his anger over his friend's living conditions. Knowing Johnny, he might seem a penny pincher, even giving his wife a run for her money, but Gage's heart was big and generous. Driving to the station he recalled how he had purchased a bassinet instead of a barbecue for the station when they had delivered a baby in the back seat of an old clunker. Yet, he managed to prevent the guys from declaring mutiny by showing them the little girl they had delivered.

Pulling into his normal spot he still looked for John's Rover, but knew in his heart it wasn't going to be there. Leave it to his best friend to set him straight on departmental politics and his fate. He would be stuck with Brice forever, or until he took a promotion. Hearing the chatter in the locker room, Roy quickly changed and headed to the bay, he found Brice closing the squad bay doors.

"All done?" Roy asked but knowing the answer even before he asked

"You can…" Brice started.

"Never be too prepared," Roy waved him off, suddenly desiring a strong cup of coffee.

#######

Johnny whistled as he cleaned his apartment. He had another date with Veronica. She was taking him to an art gallery opening. She was a clothes designer and seemed to know a lot about the art world. Roy would be proud of him. He sighed, knowing it would be awhile before he could let Veronica see his apartment. He scratched his nose wondering if she knew who he was.

Unfortunately with the scandal, he truly found out who his true friends were. Roy had joke Johnny had a millions of friends, but they turned out to be fair-weather ones when it came to it. No, after the scandal, hearing and his basic washout of a being a paramedic it was just down to the guys at 51 and not all of them. Sure he could count on Marco, Mike, and Chet, and of course Roy, Hank was different being a captain and all. He didn't begrudge him that, Stanley was representing the department and he respected that. Anyone at Rampart was suspect, which hurt him badly. Recalling all the picnics and other sundry functions where the staff of Rampart would be there. As to nurses, he had sworn them off since they had treated him like the devil incarnate after the bad run.

"You're thinking too much Gage," Johnny berated himself; "It's another beautiful day. You got a job, a roof over your head, food to eat and now another friend. Get your head out of your ass!"

####

Roy's bad mood spilled over to the rest of the shift.

"So Roy did you see Johnny's place?" Chet asked innocently enough. The paramedics had been busy all shift and this was their first time to eat a mean.

"Did I see Johnny's place?" Roy snorted. "Of course I saw Johnny's place."

Marco looked at Chet and shook his head.

"So?" Chet looked at Marco. "How is it?" He still hadn't gotten the information he wanted.

"How is it? Well let me tell you it's no Taj Majal and Johnny deserves better. You know he's still fighting for everything," Roy stood up. "Johnny doesn't deserve to live like he does, he still paying for something he didn't do.'

"Hey pal I was only asking," Chet cringed, never having seen the paramedic this angry.

"So you asked," Roy threw his paper napkin on the table and stormed out.

Marco, Mike and Brice looked at Chet.

"Hey I was only askin, didn't think it was so damn personal," Chet dived into his food.

Stanley got up and found Roy out in the yard, staring at the rushing traffic on the freeway.

"Roy," Hank said gently and put his hand on his shoulder. "Want to tell me what this is all about, pal?"

DeSoto bit his lip, wondering if he should tell his superior anything. Roy had once told Johnny he felt Stanley was the enemy and Johnny corrected him. This was before he was suspended and Stanley had been particularly harsh on his friend.

"_Cap doesn't have a clue what we do Johnny," Roy shook his head. "I mean yeah they help us once in awhile but it's not the same thing."_

_Johnny gave him a serious look._

"_Roy, man I'm seriously disappointed in you. Cap's been there for us a lot of times, watching our back. Besides he's just doing his job, the best way he can," Johnny lamented._

"_But what about…hell Johnny he's been riding you ever since," Roy glared at his friend._

"_Roy you got to understand, Stanley's in the middle. Don't you think he's getting stuff from headquarters plus he has to keep us together? I wouldn't want to be in his position." Johnny grinned. "Besides it will work out in the end. Just cut Cap some slack, okay?"_

"_Yeah I will but only for you," Roy grinned. "And I still got your back."_

"So Roy want to tell me the problem?" Stanley asked again.

Roy turned around and looked into the older and wiser man's eyes.

"Johnny's place is the smallest apartment I've ever seen anyone live in. He was bragging about getting his furniture from the thrift store down the block, not to mention he doesn't have a TV or stereo and is sleeping on some damn air mattress he uses for camping. He won but how comes it still looks like he lost?" Roy turned around looking at the freeway traffic.

"Cap, look I understand you can't get involved and John understands that. It's just I have to get my head wrapped around his new situation and…"

"Well I think we can change John's living situation for the time being. Are you in?" Stanley had a big grin on his face.

"OF course I'm in, but you won't get into trouble will you?" Roy knew Johnny wouldn't want this.

"Roy, I have my ways. C'mon, let's go talk to the guys."


	22. Chapter 22

PS22

Johnny was fast asleep dreaming of lying on the beach with a beautiful woman when a loud pounding forced him to open one eye and look at his clock radio. It was 7 a.m. He and Veronica had talked until almost two a.m. about the art they had seen.

The knocking persisted, forcing him to get up. He wasn't expecting company and wondered what was going on. Johnny unlocked the door and opened it just enough to see who it was.

"Uh, Cap!" Johnny's mouth hung open.

"Want to let me in there pal?" Stanley smiled brightly.

"Um, sure," Gage slowly opened the door and Hank stepped in. It was then he noticed Cap was holding a chair, on the chair was a grocery bag and underneath it was a large pink box.

"John, I suggest you get dressed, the guys will be here any minute with the truck and I suggest you get coffee made, they move much better with it," Hank placed the chair by his kitchen window, the grocery bag and pink box on his counter. "Take care pal," Stanley patted him on the back. "And remember my office door is always open." Stanley turned and was gone.

Johnny blinked his eyes not sure if he had seen Stanley or not. Then he heard a large moving van pull into his parking lot. Shutting the door, he quickly went to his bedroom to get into his jeans and shirt.

"Hey anyone home," Roy called as Johnny opened the door, he also had a chair and another pink box.

"Hey Roy," Johnny rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and blinked a few more times.

"Ah I see Cap was here," Roy smiled noting the chair, box and bag.

"Really kinda thought he was a figment of my imagination." Johnny grinned. "One second he was here and then the next gone."

"Well you better get that coffee going, and open up that box," Roy put the box to his companion and opened it. "Besides Johnny just remember Cap's here in spirit." And winked.

"Um, yeah sure. But Roy I only have a two cup maker and I don't…" Johnny watched as Roy pulled out a large eight cup maker, coffee and Styrofoam cups out of the paper sack Cap had brought.

"TA DA! Like my magic trick?" Roy could see his friend was still in shock. "Just get the joe brewing okay?"

Gage nodded and did what he was told. He poured the first cup and just had gotten to his mouth when he heard them, grunting and groaning. Putting his cup down he opened his front door to find Marco, Chet, Mike, Roy and Brice holding furniture.

"Hey Gage," Chet pointed at his forlorn living room. "Want to get rid of that crap so the good stuff can go in."

"Well?" Johnny acted offended. "What do you want me to do with it?"

"You don't want to know," Marco laughed. "C'mon Chet, lets put this stuff down; I want some of John's coffee."

They dropped the chocolate brown love seat, a small coffee table and lamp in the middle of the tiny room. Stretching they poured themselves some coffee as Johnny retreated to his kitchen and then opened up the pink box Cap had brought. It was filled with doughnuts, bagels and Danish from the bakery he knew so well.

"Guys," Johnny offered the box and then refreshed their coffee, realizing he would have to make another pot. He watched as the guys wolfed down a few pastries and get back to work.

They disappeared and came up with more stuff. John watched as Chet headed to his bedroom.

"Hey Gage," Chet yelled. "Want to get your ass in here?"

Going around his counter he headed to his bedroom.

"Want to get rid of this," Chet kicked the air mattress. "You remember how to sleep on a real bed, don't ya?" He snickered.

"Of course I do," Johnny whined as he deflated the bed and rolled up his sleeping bag.

"Now get the hell out of here so us 'real men' can work," Chet signaled and Marco and Mike came in carrying other parts of a bed.

Still in shock Johnny retreated to the safety of his kitchen to find Roy and Brice carrying in a book case.

"All right!" Johnny grinned.

"Oh but there's more Gage," Brice pushed up his glasses and disappeared.

"Um more?" Johnny looked stricken and was having a hard time focusing.

Roy quickly came to his friend's aid.

"Hey Johnny c'mon why don't we take a seat over there?" Roy guided him to his new breakfast nook and sat him on a chair. He helped John put his head between his knees, thankful the woman's auxiliary would be arriving shortly with more food.

DeSoto watched as the Brice and Mike brought up the TV and stereo and shrugged and mouthed 'too much'.

The men both nodded and went about their work.

"Here Junior," Roy put a wet cloth on Johnny's neck.

"I hate you calling me Junior Roy, man. I'm sorry I ever let you do that," Johnny shook his head.

"Hey don't want to undo my good work. Now stay down a few more minutes until the color comes back to your face," Roy watched as the door opened to reveal his wife, Janine Stoker, Marco's mother and Cap's wife, Elaine each carrying some sort of food.

"Well partner the ladies are here. I think I'll let you sit up now," Roy went and kissed his wife. "I'll go get the boxes. Hey guys the women are here with food, but I suggest we get the boxes first."

Roy took the box to the bedroom and Joanne followed closely behind. He set the box on the now made bed.

"How's Johnny doing?" Joanne had noticed her friend's quiet behavior.

"It's a little too much for him. He's keeping it together although I don't know for how much longer," Roy fretted.

"Well feed him that ought to get his strength up. I take it from here," Joanne kissed Roy and opened the box.

"Okay," Roy kissed her back and found his worried friend in the kitchen. "Sit," he ordered, forcing Johnny to sit again on his new chair.

Unhappily he did and then found a plate of food placed in front of him as the women had disappeared. Johnny munched happily on his Italian sandwich filled with hot peppers, potato salad and chips. He found a soda by his plate and the guys taking a breather on the floor of his apartment.

"Wow, it actually looks decent now," Chet beamed proud of his handiwork.

"Well Chet this isn't a slum you know," Johnny's ire was up. He was happy his friends did this for him, but he wasn't a charity case. One thing he hated at the reservation, with all these people sending their throw always for the poor Indians.

"Relax Johnny, it's all good," Roy gave him a trusting smile and another plate of food.

"Hola Juanito," Mama Lopez came over and gave Johnny a big hug. "I put some tamales in your freezer and other good things. Now I put away you can rearrange later." She proceeded to open a box and pull out pots, pans and appliances.

Johnny opened his mouth, Roy glared at him and he dug into his food again. Eating made him feel better. He looked at his counter and saw a new toaster oven to go with his new coffeepot.

"Well guys we got to go," Mike stood up, "promised my friend we'd get the truck back to him." Stoker stood up and nodded to the other guys, who quickly policed their area.

"Yeah, besides I have a hot date," Chet announced and winked at Johnny. "We got to double date sometime; Roy tells me you got a new girlfriend." Kelly quickly made his exit.

"Roy, how could you!" Johnny put his hand to his chest.

"Sorry," Roy blushed, "it just slipped out besides I'm happy for ya!"

Now it was Gage's turn to blush. The guys waved goodbye soon followed by the women and the boxes they came with. It just left him and Roy.

Standing up Johnny looked at his new furniture, he saw the TV and stereo and even a small plant. He walked over and touched everything making sure it wasn't a dream.

"Hey partner," Roy walked over to his friend. "We want you over for dinner sometime this week."

"Yeah, sure, sure," Johnny mumbled still in awe of his new digs.

"Huh uh. I'll call you. I got to go," Roy patted Johnny on the back.

Johnny turned around, "Thanks pally I mean it, it's just….words can't…"

"It's all right Johnny that's what friends are for. Promise to call," Roy grinned from ear to ear.

"Yeah I promise to call. And thanks again Pally." Johnny walked his friend out. Shutting the door behind him, he headed to his bedroom and his mouth dropped open. On his bed was an Indian blanket but that wasn't caught his eye. On the bookcase/headboard were small photo frames. Coming closer he saw photos of him and Roy, the DeSoto's and the gang at 51's. Photos he had lost in his hurry to move and get out of LA. Sitting on his bed, he held the photo of him and Roy in front of the squad, their first year as paramedics. Before he could stop himself, a steady stream of silent tears fell from his eyes. He laughed and wiped his tears.


	23. Chapter 23

PS23

Johnny sighed; he couldn't remember when he had such a good meal. He looked lovingly at his friends. He had kept the kids entertained and enjoyed their childish laughter. Lately the runs he had made him sick to his stomach, innocent children caught in unlivable situations and the uncaring bureaucracy which took care of them. Veronica was in New York, so he had taken Roy up on his invitation for dinner.

"It was fantastic Joanne," Johnny patted his stomach, "I think I'm about to burst."

"Good thing your best friend is a paramedic," Roy deadpanned and smiled, glad to see Johnny relaxing.

"Yeah really good thing," Johnny grinned.

"Well we don't see you enough, Johnny," Joanne smiled and got up from the table.

"Here let me help," Johnny got up too. He picked up plates, glasses and silverware.

"Johnny you really don't need to do this, you know," Joanne pushed him away.

"Yes I do Joanne, you know I do. I still owe you guys a lot," Johnny grinned again.

Joanne looked at Roy, who immediately got up and helped clean the table, as the children went to get ready for bed.

The men headed out to the deck and looked into the night sky.

"So?" Roy asked innocently enough.

"So? What?" Johnny turned to Roy.

"Is she the one?" Roy asked again.

"Hey man, I can't go there. I mean I…it's complicated, okay? Veronica and I are friends for now but…I do like her a lot," Johnny sighed, wondering if his future would ever get brighter.

"Okay I'm going to see you at the seminar right?" Roy remembered the upcoming seminar.

Johnny licked his lips; Manny suggested he stay on his own turf since the other paramedics weren't exactly welcoming. "Yeah sure Roy. I'll meet you there." He tried to quell the butterflies in his stomach, with little success.

#######

Johnny was checking the drug box when Manny came over.

"So Gage, you going to that seminar?" Manny grinned.

"Of course I'm going," Johnny stood up to look his partner in the eye. "Why?"

"Oh figure we could meet up and I could introduce you to all us low-lifes." Manny had crossed his arms.

"Um, well I'm not going to that seminar," Johnny stated. "I'm going to the one at UCLA."

"Oh, bad idea Gage, bad idea," Manny shook his head. "See, we ain't welcome to hang with the other paramedics. We're the shit on someone's shoes or haven't you figured it out yet. You're making a big mistake. Think your old partner is gonna protect you?" Manny laughed.

"Well it's gonna be my mistake then," Johnny slammed the drug box into the compartment and shut the door.

#######

Pulling his motorcycle up to the hall, Johnny scanned for Roy. The plan was to meet in front of the hall and go into together. Registration lasted an hour and he was a half hour late, hoping to see Roy pacing. Sighing he climbed off his bike and headed inside the building. The only saving grace was Brackett was conducting the seminar.

At registration, he got surprised looks and some whispering; no doubt they were surprised he actually showed. Signing in he still needed some coffee and saw the refreshment table.

Johnny was thankful Roy was late. He had been ignored, glared at and felt as welcome as a turd in a punch bowl. Even getting coffee was monumental; paramedics, in uniform and civvies blocked his way to coffee and donuts. Resigned to neither he headed into the conference room, finding it crowded. He had to sit in the last row.

Finding the large hall, he made himself as inconspicuous as possible. Bending over to read the study guide he could hear the snickers and whispers as people pointed at him.

#######

Chris ended up getting sick the night before the seminar. Roy was half asleep before he realized the seminar was today. Taking a quick shower he made it with minutes to spare and was forced to take a seat in front. On his way to the front of the hall, he scanned for Johnny and was disappointed when he couldn't.

Wishing he could have grabbed some coffee, Roy forced himself to stay awake until the first break and then a short lunch. He hoped he would find Johnny in the large group.

#######

Johnny watched as his fellow comrades pointed and whispered about him. He sighed inwardly; maybe Manny had been right and he should have taken the seminar at St. Francis, but it was too late. He had looked for Roy, but mostly kept his head down, not wanting to incur further wrath from his colleagues.

For whatever reason, Johnny couldn't concentrate on the speaker and took to reading the materials. It was informative, but boring. He remembered the last seminar Roy and he went to; he had kept the speaker busy with questions. He had some but he didn't want to stand out any further; he decided he would call the instructor later.

#######

Roy was able to grab some much-needed coffee and half a donut before returning to the classroom. He still hadn't found his friend and was getting concerned. He had hoped to sit with him, since Johnny had a way of making boring lectures, tolerable. Their current instructor was putting him asleep. The droning monotone voice kept him constantly blinking his eyes, and wanting the air conditioner turned up in the stuffy room. He had heard whispers and wondered what the current gossip was about and then turned to the reading materials and wished he was home.

#######

Johnny had seen Roy walk by him twice, but said nothing. He remembered the shit Roy had been through the first time and didn't want a repeat. He would try to slip away quietly at lunch and then return for the rest of the seminar.

However, he did ask quietly for OT, not that he needed it, but he would feel a hell a lot better if he had some extra money in the bank. He might as well been asking for the moon. Half the time they ignored him and the others snorted, glared and then left. Johnny couldn't wait until lunch to nurse his bruised ego.

Roy looked in vain for Johnny finally settling to eat lunch alone at a fast food place a block away from the building.

Johnny scanned the want ads of the paper, a sense of déjà vu coming over him. Those first few days suspended without pay made him nervous and scared. Sighing he would look again.

The seminar over, Johnny had planned on going straight home, saving Roy the embarrassment of being associated with him. He didn't want it to start all over again and have his best friend caught in the middle.

Walking to the front door of the building he was stopped by six colleagues

"Hey Gage," one of the men sneered, "heard you were looking for some OT. That true?" The man sounded dubious.

"Yeah so what?" Johnny tried to pass only to be stopped.

"Seriously Gage, do you think anyone in his right mind would let you cover for him, don't you remember what happened the last time?"

"Well, in case you've forgotten I was cleared—or don't you read the memos the department puts out," Johnny's jaw clenched.

"Oh yeah, we read 'em. But man you're in the shit hole station of the department, 115's. Kinda tells you what the department and everyone else think of you."

All the men laughed, turned and headed out of the building. Spying a water fountain, Johnny headed towards it, but suddenly he couldn't swallow. He stood still, trying to calm himself.

Roy was hoping to catch Johnny when he heard voices near the entrance of the building. Hearing John's voice he stopped at the corner and watched. After the men left, Roy could see the defeated look on his friends face as he bent over the fountain.

Clearing his throat, Roy put on a smile.

"Hey Johnny, I almost thought I missed you."

"Hey, um Roy, no I was here all the time," Johnny eyed the door making sure all the men had left. "Kinda was getting worried about you though."

"Well Chris was sick last night and I kinda overslept but I made it, that's the important thing," Roy again smiled seeing Johnny really needed a friend.

Roy had an inspired idea. "Hey Johnny why don't you come over for dinner tonight?"

"Seriously Roy, Chris was sick and I'm sure the last thing Joanne needs is a guest for dinner," Johnny stuck his hands in his pockets.

"I insist Johnny, c'mon over," Roy punched Johnny on the arm.

Johnny thought about it, and decided he wasn't in the mood to go home to an empty apartment.

Smiling he said, "Only if I bring dinner over."

"You'll bring dinner? On your bike? Seriously?" Roy scratched his head.

"Trust me pally, that's the only way I'll come over," Johnny stood his ground.

"All right if you let me bring the beer," Roy stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"Beer? Sure Roy, see you in an hour," Johnny waved as he headed out the door.

"Yeah an hour," Roy waved wondering how his friend would manage dinner.


	24. Chapter 24

PS24

As Roy drove home, he wondered how Johnny was bringing home dinner for his family. Pulling into the liquor store he first grabbed a six pack and then decided on a 12 pack. His best friend had been crushed and hurt by his peers. Plus he felt this was the only way he was going to get any information.

_Well Gage, you've done it again. _ Johnny smiled as the car followed him, ordering pizza for delivery and then going to the DeSoto's. He pushed down his feelings of loathing at the seminar. _They weren't going to throw a damn parade for you!_

Roy had barely enough time to put the beer in the fridge when Johnny came roaring up. His two children barely contained themselves as their favorite uncle came in.

"Hey guys," the children rushed at him. Both children almost knocked him over and their laughter was contagious

"Hey now you guys are acting like I haven't seen you for years," Johnny was grinning ear to ear and started to laugh louder. He went into his saddle bags and pulled out the drinks even with his hands full, he fully engulfed the DeSoto children with no complaints.

"But it was years and years," Jessica smiled. "It always is Uncle Johnny." Her innocent smile made him forget the traumatized children he saw on a regular basis.

"Joanne," Johnny handed her a cold six pack of soda. "For the kids. Oh and for you," he pulled out a bottle of wine.

"Well Roy said you were bringing home dinner I don't believe it," Joanne crossed her arms as she held tightly onto the drinks.

"Oh," Johnny checked his watch, "it should be here any minute." As if on cue the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it," Johnny sauntered to the front door. "Thanks." He took the pizzas and set them on the dining room table.

Roy went to the fridge and pulled out three beers for the adults and Johnny placed soda for the kids. He watched as Johnny was especially quiet and then cheered up.

"Thank you Uncle Johnny," Chris smiled. "We don't get pizza except for special occasions."

"Well you're welcome Chris," Johnny smiled. Thankful he made someone happy.

Johnny had powered down his first beer while Roy and Joanne had barely gotten thru one. "Allow me," Johnny got up and got some more beers out of the fridge and offered both his hosts one.

"I'm good," Joanne waved John away.

"Me too, partner," Roy waved as Johnny sat all three beers in front of him.

Roy and Joanne exchanged looks, thankful it was a school night. Once the kids were done, Joanne cheerfully took them for their nightly routine.

"But Mom," Chris protested, "Uncle Johnny is here!"

"Yeah Uncle Johnny is here," Jessica followed suit as both whines could be heard going up the stairs.

"Um, sorry Roy, maybe I should…" Johnny had taken a swig from his third beer.

"Nope no such deal, let's go out on the deck and take a load off," Roy helped Johnny up and grabbed his other beers.

"But I should help Joanne and…" Roy gently took his elbow and guided him to the deck and plopped him in a chair. The sun was just going down, the soft hues and warm glow made Johnny's heart ache.

Roy joined him a few minutes later.

Johnny lay down on the lounger back and stared at the stars. He heard the crickets chirping, some rock and roll music, a cool breeze and a three quarter moon.

"Man this is the life," Johnny sighed contently. "The wife, kids the whole nine yards," he said wistfully.

"Well it is nice," Roy reflected, "but first Junior you need to get married and then have kids, and then we can talk."

Roy looked at his quiet friend as he nursed his beer.

"So when is Veronica due back?" Roy knew Johnny had liked and missed Veronica more than he let on.

"Oh , she'll be back tomorrow," Johnny finished his beer and grabbed another one.

"You know in New Mexico I could see the night sky," Johnny took another swallow of his beer, "but nothing beats being a paramedic."

"Um, Johnny," Roy asked tentatively. "I overheard you looking for some OT."

Johnny looked into Roy's eyes, his brown eyes showing shame.

"Uh Roy, hey man, you….I'm fine…I'm fine," John told himself, finishing off his fifth beer he looked at his friend. "Now let me tell you some of the jobs I worked when I was suspended. There was this one…no can't tell you that and then there was…no way can I tell you that," Johnny chuckled, grinned and blushed.

"But Roy man I had this job practically the whole time. I mean it was golden I had it wired," Johnny said proudly, "If I do say so myself."

"Oh and what was that?" Roy relaxed himself back into the lounger. "Wait one minute."

"Sure pally," Johnny sighed contently.

Roy slipped back into the kitchen, Joanne was waiting for him.

"Hello baby," Joanne kissed him and then handed him the Styrofoam cooler filled with the rest of the beers.

"Well, Mrs. DeSoto you think of everything," Roy reached in and kissed his wife.

"I'm exhausted. We'll talk later after you've talked to Johnny," Joanne kissed him hard again. "I love you Mr. Desoto." She waved goodbye.

The little cooler rattled with the beer, he carried it outside and put it between the loungers.

"Our bar," Roy pointed to the cooler.

"Ah we better make sure we tip him good, otherwise we won't get good service," Johnny grinned.

"I'll have to remember that the next time we play pool together," Roy grinned.

"Hey there pally are you implying something?" Johnny looked miffed.

"Nope just stating facts," Roy eased himself back into the lounger. "You were going to tell me about the awesome job you lined up after your…trouble."

"Oh yeah that, I had a paper route," Johnny said proudly.

"A paper route? Hey I had one as a kid, it was sure damn hard work," Roy shook his head. _For little money._

"Well actually I had five of them," Johnny thrust up his hand with all five fingers showing, "five beautiful paper routes. Up at three done by six," John grinned, _so I had plenty of time to look for other jobs._

"Wow, I'm impressed," Roy tried to keep his voice calm, his anger barely below the surface his friend had to rely on paper routes to put food on the table.

"Yeah I had a system, three papers and five routes, they were in the same neighborhoods, just had to remember who got what paper. Man I got it down to a science and I didn't throw into bushes or sprinklers. Damn maybe I should have been the pitcher instead of Chet," he chuckled as he reminisced about the ill fated softball game.

"Yeah would have saved us all nine bucks," Roy laughed and noted the more Johnny drank the more he was willing to talk about his last year in California.

"Well anyway what I was saying, I mean it was golden man. I had these five routes and then it got all blown to hell," Johnny finished off his beer and took another one out of the cooler. "Had this one customer, who just wouldn't pay. Man, I don't know how many times I called her so I finally had to confront her." Johnny finished half his beer while Roy was still nursing beer number two.

"So what happened?" Roy couldn't see Johnny demanding money from anyone.

"Well Roy she recognized me. Man I was so mad, oh she paid me the money but by the time I got home that night all three papers fired me. But it was all right by that time it was all pretty much over," Johnny got melancholy finished his beer and got another beer.

Roy looked at him weird and didn't even stop him from getting another brew.

"You okay Roy? I mean this is all water under the bridge. I'm good, real good," Johnny reassured him as he placed his free hand on his chest. "Seriously Roy, I'm over it."

"Okay I guess," Roy uplifted his hands and looked at Johnny who was now on his sixth beer if his count was correct.

"Hey Johnny, I'm real sorry for what happened at the seminar. I know for a fact those guys don't speak for all the paramedics." Roy felt guilty; he knew a lot of the paramedics were behind his friend coming back.

"Hey Roy no problemo," Johnny's words started to slur, "sides I'm used to it because you wouldn't believe some of the jobs I held before I left. And let me tell you pally they were some whoppers!"

"Hey Roy," Johnny giggled, "man you're not going to believe the other jobs I worked,"

Johnny sat up in the lounger, put his feet on the deck and looked Roy straight in the eye.

"Man I worked at a strip club as a dishwasher and they canned me for having a bad reputation. An iffn strip club man." Johnny giggled, the beer now having his effect.

Roy sat up and turned to his friend, nursing his beer and watched as John giggled again.

"Man, I worked as a night clerk in a no tell motel, but it got busted the second night I worked," Johnny grinned, "good thing Vince was there or my ass would have been grass."

"I mean , I wish I had an effen camera Roy. If you could have seen Vince's face man I got him good. How is he doing, good? With my new station we got these grizzled old geezers that don't give a damn about anyone but themselves." Johnny complained.

"But it was good, Vince just hustled me out of that hotel and told me to get the hell out and he'd handle things. I really do owe him a lot, you know," Johnny took another long drag of his beer. Then he leaned back into the lounger.

"Oh Roy you're going to love this, man. I was a septic tank technician. Man, I thought that was so poetic, here I was all ready in the shit and now I was cleaning it up," Johnny was laughing hysterically, while Roy grew quieter.

"Hey man Roy, lighten up, this is good stuff!" Johnny turned his head to his reticent friend.

"Johnny it's just…I don't understand," Roy shook his head.

"Roy, Roy I had a roof over my head, I could feed myself and put gas in my bike," Johnny grinned, "everything else was just icing man. Although the septic tank job only lasted a few weeks, just like all the other jobs. I kinda lost track how many I lost. But the best one was I was a freaking dumpster diver. Can't tell you how many times, recycled cans and bottles saved my ass. Like they said some else's trash is someone's treasure." Johnny chuckled. "Your not laughing man?"

"Sorry Johnny it's just…" Roy couldn't believe his best friend was laughing at all the lousy jobs he had to work just to … damn the department he was going to get Johnny's back pay if it killed him.

Johnny squinted and looked at his watch.

"Damn I got to get going," Johnny stood up and then promptly fell down. "MY legs aren't working, Roy. "

"Give me a minute," Roy ran his hand through his hair and then got up, the ground swayed a bit under him. "Stay here."

"I'm not your dog, Roy," Johnny giggled.

Roy walked to the slider, opened the screen door and the glass slider. He then went back and helped Johnny up.

"Okay partner time to get you to bed." Roy grabbed Johnny's arms.

"Hey now I'm not into that," Johnny giggled again.

To Roy's dismay he had forgotten on how his friend became all arms and legs when drunk. He half carried, half pushed Johnny into the house as he huffed and puffed. Tired he placed his friend on the couch to wipe the sweat off his brow.

Johnny promptly slid down conveniently on the couch, out for the count. He coughed and sneezed once. His soft snoring told Roy he wasn't going anywhere soon.

"Aw the hell with it, "Roy mumbled going to the hall closet he pulled out a blanket and pillow. Going back to the couch, he cupped his arms under John's arms and put him in a comfortable position. Taking off his friends shoes he saw the man's threadbare socks.

"Okay Johnny we're going to have to talk about saving money, again," Roy propped the pillow under John's head and put the blanket over him. He closed the slider, turned off the porch light and then headed towards his bedroom, but not before turning on the night light in the guest bath.

"Sweet dreams Junior, sweet dreams."


	25. Chapter 25

PS25

Roy held tightly on the railing going upstairs, thankful his wife would be asleep and he had to admit he did have a slight buzz. Thankful he didn't match Johnny beer for beer; however his wasn't conscience wasn't totally clear. His friend had suffered more than he thought, working jobs way beneath him to make ends meet while he was suspended.

Opening the door slowly, he found his wife reading, her bedside lamp on as she watched him plop on his side of the bed. He felt wiped out; feeling every jab, hurt and pain his friend had endured while trying to save his life.

"That bad," Joanne put her book down and slid over to Roy, she put both her arms around his chest and leaned her head on his shoulders.

"Worse. Worse. I wish Johnny had told me this before….Joanne, I'm surprised Johnny kept it together for so long. He has every right to be pissed and angry yet he laughed it all off like it was a big, damn joke. He's sleeping it off now. I just couldn't quite make it to the guest room, I hope you don't mind," Roy turned his sorrowful eyes to his loving wife.

"Roy, I understand, Johnny's my little brother remember? Besides, I think he'll be in worse shape then you," she nibbled at his right ear lobe.

Roy moaned in pleasure, and then turned around.

"Wait a minute I thought you were exhausted and were going to be asleep," Roy squinted at the clock radio. "It's 2 o'clock?" He said in surprise.

"How could I sleep when you were talking to Johnny and he was hurting," Joanne pouted. "Besides I think I have a way to take your mind off Johnny's troubles." She kissed him hard and the world faded away.

######

Johnny tried to open his eyes as he thought he heard voices. First children, then adults, his eyes refused to open so he gave in and returned to the land of nod. He could feel his feet, his hands but the pounding in his head was reminder of what happened last night. Unable to even raise his head, he went back to sleep and ignorance.

The smell of fresh coffee forced him to open his eyes to slits as bright morning sunshine pierced his painful eyes. As he sat up his head assaulted him along with a horrible awful taste in his mouth, a taste he hadn't had in a long while and it had been a mistake then.

Sitting up he watched as a blanket slid down to the floor and he pressed his hands into his face, finding no relief. Johnny listened to the quiet house, it didn't seem right.

"Hey Johnny, I see the dead have arisen," Roy laughed and sat down next to the now sober paramedic. His friend's bounce on the couch sent his head reeling but he wasn't going to say anything.

"Yeah, yeah I get that. Where is everybody?" Johnny looked around squinting and seeing it empty.

"Oh the kids are at school and its Joanne's day as teachers assistant. The house is ours!" Roy said in mock conspiracy.

John looked at his friend and then his stomach gurgled and he felt last night's dinner roar up to his throat.

"I got to go Roy," Johnny stood up, one hand to his mouth and the other to his stomach.

"C'mon Johnny you just got up," Roy tried to stop him.

"No Roy I got to go," Johnny pushed past his friend and barely made it to the bathroom.

Roy watched in shock as Johnny ran to the bathroom.

Clutching the toilet, Johnny puked until he could puke no more. Standing up he went to the sink and washed his face with cold water. Drying his face off he looked in the mirror.

"Not a good move there Gage. Hopefully you didn't tell Roy too much. Man how could I have been…wait a minute," Johnny got angry, threw the hand towel in the sink and stormed out of the bathroom. Once in the living room, Roy had disappeared.

"Roy. Roy DeSoto, you get your ass out here this minute," Johnny demanded.

Out of the kitchen Roy came out calmly holding a glass filled with a clear liquid.

"Sit," Roy said gently, pushing his friend down into a chair at the dining room table. "Drink this." Roy handed the glass to his friend.

"What's this?" Johnny eyes the glass suspiciously like it was filled with poison or something.

"Water, you're dehydrated. Drink it. I'll be back," then Roy disappeared into the kitchen.

Knowing Roy was right; Johnny inhaled the water only to find it replaced with another.

"Drink this while I fix Dr. DeSoto's sure fire hangover cure," Roy switched glasses.

"Sure fire hangover cure. You been holding out on me buddy?" Johnny gratefully took the other glass and drank it greedily.

"I was in the Army, remember," Roy offered his simple explanation.

"Okay okay," Johnny knew he was defeated. "Better you than me," he mumbled under his breath.

"You say something partner?" Roy poked his out in time to switch out water glasses.

"I know, drink," Johnny drank the water as he mulled over his problem. Roy had intentionally let him get drunk. He remembered telling Roy about the paper route, the strip club after that things got a little foggy. What in the hell did he tell Roy?

Johnny didn't know what to expect from Roy's hangover cure and then he knew he would have to have a long hard talk with his best friend.

Roy came out of the kitchen and with a flourish placed a plate before him. It was two pieces of toast with peanut butter, jelly and cut up bananas along with desperately needed coffee.

"This is your hangover cure?" Johnny eyed his plate sususpisioulsy. "Good thing it's not mueduo."

"Huh? Mundedo?" Roy sat down and nursed his coffee. "Eat."

"On one condition, no, make that two. One, explain your cure and two, are you related to Elvis?" Johnny turned to his friend with a lopsided grin.

Roy laughed.

"Well I'm certainly not related to Elvis as to the cure, um... peanut butter for protein, jelly to take the edge off of the alcohol and bananas for potassium since you're dehydrated," Roy beamed proudly of his own concoction.

"Good," Johnny took a small bite of the toast. "You know I'm pissed at you."

Roy remained silent.

"You purposely let me get drunk didn't you? Damn, this is pretty good stuff," Johnny concentrated on his food.

"Johnny, I didn't let you get drunk… I gave you permission to get drunk because I figured it was the only way I was going to get anything from you. I'm sorry," Roy said sorrowfully. "But I had to know."

Johnny finished his breakfast. "Can I have aspirin now?"

"Yeah, sure," Roy produced two white pills. "Not bad huh?"

"Nope I have to remember it the next time I get drunk," Johnny gratefully took the pills and then slowly drank his coffee mulling his next question. "Which won't be anytime soon if I can help it," Johnny glared at Roy as he took his aspirin.

"You know Johnny if you need OT I can talk to the guys and…."

"No Roy its better I stay in my neck of the woods, besides how long have you known?" Johnny turned and looked Roy straight in the eyes.

"Um, known what?" Roy suddenly felt naked.

"Well the fact I've been working at 115's. Not like it hasn't been an open secret. I'm sure the department has been talking about it ever since I got assigned," Johnny snorted. "Well?"

"Johnny, um Brice told me. I know I know you told me, damnitt Johnny you don't deserve it." Roy defended Johnny, sour on his station assignment.

"What working the armpit of the county?" Johnny snorted.

"Well since you're working there it's now the garden spot," Roy retorted proud of recruiting John in the first place.

"Yeah maybe. Roy, I'm sorry but…look I'll find overtime in my neck of the woods okay. Don't worry about me," Johnny looked at his watch. "Shit, look at the time. Veronica is getting in and I have three hours to make myself presentable. Where the hell are my shoes?"

Roy pointed to the couch and watched as Johnny's big toe stick out of his socks.

"Okay fine I haven't had time to go shopping, geez," Johnny stuffed his feet into his tennis shoes and then headed towards the front door.

"We're not done yet Johnny, not by a long shot," Roy warned his friend, "and don't be a stranger."

Johnny waved.

####

Johnny met Veronica at their favorite dark, romantic Italian restaurant. They were in a cozy back booth, Dino, Sinatra and Mercer crooned over dinner.

God he had missed Veronica more than he cared to admit. He had fallen hard and fast but tried to remind himself it was going to be a long slow process before he could even begun to seriously court her.

Lingering over their tiramisu and coffee, Johnny looked into Veronica's pearl scent green eyes.

"Oh Johnny, New York was just incredible, it's I'll I can say," Veronica gushed. "I mean it's so hard to describe, the noise, the buildings and the city itself. I could just drown in it, you know," she smiled sweetly at him.

"Yeah I know that's all you've talked about since I got here. I get New York is a great city," he grinned and took her hand.

"There's something I need to tell you John," Veronica got serious.

"Yeah," Johnny felt a pit in his stomach.

"I've taken a job in New York. I got my apartment, the job on 7th Avenue. It's my dream come true and it would better if you came with me," Veronica kissed him passionately and then sat back down.

Johnny sat back in his chair, deflated.

"John, the last time I checked they have firefighters and paramedics in New York, you could come with me and start over. I know how you bitch and moan about how the department treats you and doesn't respect you. See so you can come with me," Veronica smiled hoping to convince him.

Johnny put his hands back in his lap, sighed heavily, put his chin down and then looked up to Veronica's moist eyes.

"Veronica, I wish…I just can't come to New York right now," Johnny tried reaching for Veronica's hands and she pulled them away.

"Can't or won't John? You know they gave you a raw deal. I did read the papers," she hissed. "The department doesn't care about you but I do." She informed him with a passion.

"No I can't because if I leave, the department wins. Don't you see that," Johnny tried to reason with her. "I just can't, not after what I've been through and how Roy helped me. IT would be like a slap in the face to him," Johnny explained.

"Oh, so the department and Roy DeSoto are more important than me? Have I ever really mattered or was I just a diversion?" Veronica wiped at her tears.

"No, babe, you were never a diversion. It was just the wrong time…I …it's my fault," Johnny put his hand to his chest. "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too. I guess this is goodbye and don't look me up if you ever get to New York," she threw her napkin on the table and left.

Johnny took his wineglass and finished it off. Sighing, he would list this as another way of getting dumped. His luck was still holding true.


	26. Chapter 26

PS26

Johnny sighed, another late call and more children, traumatized by what their parents had done. He was lucky to pull a double at 116, a little bit more money for more heartache.

Backing the squad into the ER entrance he looked at his scared charges. His partner, Tom Barkley had called in for the social worker, no doubt, but then at St. Francis one was on duty 24 hours a day.

"So, you must be John Gage," a rather snitty young woman met him at the ER doors entrance. Her bright red hair, tired face and brusque manner did nothing for the paramedic. She seemed like all the other uncaring social workers he had run into since being assigned to 116.

"Yes, how'd you know? By the two frightened children clutching my legs," the paramedic hissed just low enough for the social worker to hear. The children had been silently crying on the way to the hospital. He tried his best to calm them and knew once he was at the hospital they would be traumatized all over again.

"I'm sorry," she seemed contrite, "I'm Judy Thomson," she offered her hand.

Johnny reluctantly shook her hand. "You'd better take good care of them or you'll hear from me." He cautioned ,still unwilling to release his charges.

"Oh, I will ,Mr. Gage, believe me I've heard all about you from the other social workers," She knelt down and then hugged the children. "Come now I'm sure you're tired," she looked up at Johnny. "I'll find a nice warm bed for you to sleep in." She took both the children's hands and disappeared into the busy hospital.

Johnny watched the children go and realized he really, really needed to head over to the DeSoto's. He was getting down again with the job and circumstances surrounding the innocent children. Scuffing his feet, he headed towards the base station and some much needed coffee and maybe moral support.

It wasn't the usual head nurse waiting for him.

"Hello," the pretty young nurse grinned at him making him blush. She filled out her nurse's uniform in all the right places.

"Um, is there coffee made?" Johnny edged his way over to the coffee maker. Thankful he could get his head together and not sound like some idiot.

"Yes ,I just made it. Working graveyard can really be a drag, you know?" She smiled again. She leaned closer, her cleavage showing in the tight uniform.

"Um, John Gage," he offered his hand.

"Susan Smede," the red head offered her hand back. "My, you sure are cute."

Johnny blushed again. "Why thank you, so are you," he turned on the Gage charm desperate for some female companionship and breaking his rule.

"So, John, what are you doing this Saturday night? You don't have to work do you?" Susan flirted with him her blue green eyes, full red lips and ample chest made him squirm.

"Um, I'm not doing anything, why?" He asked innocently thankful he could play hard to get.

"Well, how would you like to go to a party?" She batted her eyes and his resolve melted.

"Yeah, that would be great, I mean,if you don't mind riding on the back of a motorcycle." He offered only to see her frown.

"Tell you what, John how about I pick you up. When do you work next?" She leaned in closer; he forgot all about his coffee and swooned at her perfume.

"Um, Thursday I work at 116's." He offered and looked at her beautiful blue green eyes.

"Cool. I'll call you and get your address. I think you're partner is waiting for you," she pointed an irate Barkley.

"Uh ,sorry. See ya," Johnny ginned broadly thinking of the party coming up and nothing more. Maybe he didn't need to see the DeSoto's after all.

####

It had been a long time since he had gone to a party, any party and hoped he hadn't turned into a prude. By the time they arrived at 9 p.m. the party was in full swing. The house was in a nice neighborhood in Redondo Beach. Once parked Johnny could smell the hint of ocean air along with bon fires.

"Nice house," Johnny remarked as they headed up the driveway and to the walkway to the front door. Music could be heard through the open front door and Susan did a cursory knock before going in.

Johnny looked at the crowd; there were people his age along with a younger crowd. The Bee Gees played in the background and his date headed towards the bar.

"What will you have?" the long blonde headed man asked.

"Um," John grimaced, "how about a beer to start, huh?"

"Sure thing," the guy popped a top and handed him a Bud.

His date got a rum and coke and then took his hand as they made their way to the backyard.

The kidney shaped pool had floating lanterns along with a large group of people. Johnny sighed inwardly, getting anxious at all the people. Always gregarious, he had always enjoyed parties until his troubles started. By then reporters and curious people had snuck into them asking unwanted questions. Not to mention some of his colleagues deriding him in front of him. He preferred camping alone and soon chose not to attend any social gatherings.

Steeling himself, he let Susan take the lead and introduce him to her friends. It was a mix of nurses, mechanics, and regular plain old Joes. He had started to get comfortable enjoying conversations, music, beer and the general casualness of the party. He had lost all track of time and anything outside didn't exist.

Johnny was actually enjoying himself and talking to a few people who didn't recognize him. So wrapped up in the party he had first didn't notice the commotion.

"Where the hell are you ,Susan?" A large, tall and angry man busted into the crowd. "I know you're here ,bitch ,so you'd better come out now before I really get mad."

Johnny looked around and then noticed his date was really nervous.

", God. I ..didn't think he'd find me here," she whispered and held tighter onto his arm.

"Um, what the hell is goin on?" Johnny whispered only to find it too late. He saw a flash of metal and watched as his date was yanked from his arms.

The man found him and Susan. He slapped her hard and grabbed her but not before Johnny felt a sharp pain in his abdomen and then went down hard on the grass.

His vision faded as he heard someone say call 9-1-1 and he could see someone kneeling next to him.

"Towels," Johnny coughed out, "towels and pressure." He looked at the shocked face not sure whether they heard him or not. Besides ,with the whooshing sound in his ears he wasn't sure how long he could stay conscious.

Before long someone pressed towels on his now bloody shirt and he heard sirens closing in. Fading in and out, he wondered if his life would get any worse and then he remembered. He was in 36's territory. It had just gotten worse.

Closing his eyes and gritting his teeth he heard the tell tale bang and crunch of the paramedic gear he was so familiar with. Unable to see what time it was he clutched at his painful belly and hoped they worked fast.

"Okay, what have we here," one of the paramedics asked. "May I?"

Johnny barely nodded as the paramedic removed the blood soaked towel.

"Think it was a switchblade," Johnny hissed and gritted his teeth. "Saw it too late."

"Yeah, looks like you did. You in a lot of pain?" Another paramedic asked.

Johnny barely nodded waited.

"Rampart base, this is squad 36. How do you read?" the unknown paramedic asked.

Then Johnny began to freak. _Rampart, shit, I can't go there._

"We read you loud and clear," Brackett's voice cut through the background noise and the loud swishing noise in Johnny's ears.

"Rampart we have a 26 year old stabbing victim. He has a deep laceration in his lower quadrant. His vitals are…."

_Effn A. What am I going to do? I'm not having any MS. Not going to Rampart drugged out of fricken mind._

"10-4 36, start an IV with Ringers and administer 10 milligrams of MS," Brackett's stern voice echoed in his ears.

"No. NO MS!" Johnny finally voiced his fears each word a painful jab to his belly.

"Rampart ,please be advised victim's refusing MS." The paramedic got back on the biophone.

"10-4 36 Transport victim as soon as possible."

"10-4 Rampart."

Johnny gritted his teeth as the ambulance attendants moved him onto the gurney.

"What have we got here?" Vince Howard's voice brought Johnny back to reality.

"Vince. Vince!" Johnny called out, each word again punching his gut, each word causing involuntary tears to run down his face.

"Johnny ,is that you," the black cop kneeled down to the wounded paramedic.

"Vince ,do me a favor call Roy, Roy DeSoto at home tell'em I'm goin to Rampart," each word lanced pain through his whole body.

"Johnny Gage is that you," Vince leaned a little bit more. "Hang in there ,Johnny."

"Yeah ,Vince I will… just call Roy," Johnny yelled out as he was lifted into the ambulance.

"See you at Rampart," the other paramedic called out.

It took every ounce of energy to stay awake and not give into the pain. He could feel each bump and pothole on the short ride to Rampart. Rampart where he swore never to set foot in again. Johnny hadn't told Roy how much he could never work with him because of the bastards at Rampart.

"Gage, you know we can call it in and get some MS," one of the paramedics asked. "You don't have to pull this macho shit, you know."

Johnny opened his eyes to slits and looked at the smarmy paramedic.

"NO fucking MS," Johnny tried to shout but it came out a whisper. The ambulance had slowed meaning they had arrived at their destination.

"Gage, for what its worth. I'll call Roy DeSoto for you," as the ambulance doors opened and the bright white lights made Johnny's eyes hurt.

Johnny knew the paramedic was just saying that, he had seen the look of disgust which was quickly replaced by the professional façade. In fact had seen it in action at the last conference. The jerk wasn't fooling him at all.

Once wheeled into the emergency room, Johnny's breathing became more intense and he tried to calm himself down. He was in Rampart, Rampart.

"Just calm down Gage," the paramedic warned. "They'll fix you up."

_Yeah like the last time, out of the department and the paramedics._

Johnny heard Dixie's voice.

"Room 3."

The ambulance attendants pushed him in and then set him not too subtly on the exam room table.

"Okay, we got him," Brackett's cool voice answered.

It left him alone with two people he hated with all his fiber, Dixie McCall and Dr. Kelly Brackett.

"Give me a new set of vitals," Brackett barked.

Johnny could feel the blood pressure cuff but could do nothing. Each breath generated lancing pain through his belly and up to his chest.

Dixie rattled off his vitals, which had gotten steadily worse as they got to Rampart.

"I don't understand this, Harrison said Gage had stabilized," Brackett sounded perplexed.

_No shit. I'm in the lion's den. In with the people who got me canned and supposedly you're the smart one._


	27. Chapter 27

PS27

Johnny tried not to think where he was but Brackett's and McCall's voices sent his heart racing. He remembered his hearing and the courtroom. Both times he thought friends and colleagues would support him only to find he had been wrong. He looked up at the white ceiling tiles and tried to take a deep cleansing breath. Clenching his jaws he prevented a scream from escaping and then closed his eyes, tears rolled down his cheeks.

Roy DeSoto had been the only positive constant when he went through his ordeal, and it was, to see your hard work and dedication, torn down and thrown out like trash. It was another reason, he had protected his friend. Roy had a special dedication and touch for the paramedics and reality had bit him hardest and he didn't want the same for his friend.

Johnny could hear Brackett's frustration but breathing was monumental at this point if he was to work through the pain. He again refused MS and meperdine.

"No drugs," Johnny hissed. "No fucking drugs."

Johnny heard the intake of breath of both doctor and nurse. Not one to use profanity it seemed the only way to get his point across. He heard silence and could tell Brackett was fuming, his eyebrows were twitching and he could hear the doctor's heavy breathing.

"Kel, could I have a minute please," McCall asked.

"Fine," Brackett said, tenseness echoed in that one word.

John heard both the doctor and nurse leave the examination room. At least they were gone and he could breathe a little easier, taking one problem at a time. He wondered where Roy was.

_Probably not coming. Those bastard paramedics wouldn't call him. Hell they looked at me like dirt. Vince was doing his job. Face it Gage you got to learn to do stuff on your own and get out of this damn hospital!_

Johnny clutched the sheet covering him as he dealt with another painful spasm. Gritting his teeth he waited for McCall and Brackett to return. He was surprised when he heard new voices.

"Johnny this is Dr. Donaldson and Nurse Harriman, they will be taking good care of you," Dixie said, then turned and left him with the unknown hospital staff.

"Hello," Donaldson's young voice introduced himself. "Ah, I see the x-ray tech has arrived. We're going to take some x-rays to make sure you don't have any major damage. I don't suspect we do, but let's be on the safe side, shall we?"

Johnny opened his eyes and looked at the familiar x-ray tech. The tech winked at him and waited.

"We'll be outside, nurse," Donaldson ordered the nurse and they left him alone.

By now, John was shriving from sweating so much and Donaldson's bedside manner seemed lacking, but he couldn't do anything for the moment. The technician worked quietly, he was thankful for that.

"Don't worry, Johnny. I'll put a rush on these. You got ripped," the tech said then the man was gone.

True to his word, Donaldson, nurse, and x-rays showed up 15 minutes later. Then Johnny noticed the time, it was almost 3 a.m. Three fucking A.M. Hopefully his best friend hadn't gotten the message, shift started in a few scant hours. Hopefully he would have a job to go back to; he seemed to have a knack of endless screw-up.

John could hear the x-ray's going up and then silence. He heard foot steps and looked at the smug doctor. He opened his eyes to the blinding lights of the treatment room. So far no one had done anything to stop his shivering or wipe the sweat from his body.

"Well, Mr. Gage, you're lucky. The idiot didn't do any major damage; however, I would like to keep you a few days for observation. Abdomen injuries can be tricky. Is latacane okay? Brackett informed me about your reluctance to use MS," the doctor said, crossed his arms, waiting.

"Yes, you can use latacaine and no MS or meripende, got it?" Johnny said through gritted teeth.

"Yes, Mr. Gage," the doctor sighed. "Nurse, I'd like 7 sutures and give me that shot."

Johnny heard the snap of gloves and then closed his eyes, hoping some of the horrible pain would diminish with latacane. He felt and smelled alcohol and then the benedine. Then a quick shot and then some relieve. Still gritting his teeth and using his breathing exercises he got through the procedure.

The procedure went quickly as hoped. Thankfully, at least the doctor was proficient in suturing.

"All right nurse, finish up. I have more idiots to deal with," Donaldson said, turned and was gone.

"I'll wrap you and see about getting you a blanket. Lucky we didn't have to take your pants," the nurse tskes, tsked and then wrapped him in a thick bandage, turning him on his side as gently as possible.

The only problem was the nurse's hands were cold as ice. Oh, she treated him well enough but he didn't want to be at Rampart or anywhere near Rampart. Once the nurse was done she left, leaving him alone once again. The blanket was thin and he didn't even feel it. Pain was constant but he couldn't trust himself if he was drugged.

Johnny had a lot to think about, how he was going to get himself transferred to St. Francis without Brackett's help. He did have rights so it was just a matter of filling out paperwork and be willing to pay the transport cost. He sighed realizing he never told Roy why he could never ever work with him again or rather in Rampart's jurisdiction.

Another spasm of pain hit as the treatment door opened. He opened his eyes wondering what new stranger would come into his room.

"Johnny!" Roy's worried voice carried as he walked over.

"Roy? I….You didn't have to come," Johnny said with pain.

"Hell no, not when my best friend is hurting, besides I got something for ya," Roy said grinning.

"What's that?" Johnny winced.

"MS. Hey you can take it now I'm here, right?" Roy took the syringe and cleaned the port and injected the drug into his IV.

"Hey Roy, thanks but you got to get me out of here, now," Johnny demanded. "I need to get out of this place."

"Johnny, you just got stabbed," Roy said worriedly and put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"No, man I mean transferred-transferred to St. Francis. Don't trust anyone at Rampart," Johnny explained.

"All right, I'll get you to St. Francis, you just sit tight kay?" Roy said and squeezed Johnny's shoulder. "I'll be back."

Johnny nodded as he felt the MS take effect feeing the pain in his belly slowly recede.

Roy walked out of the treatment room with a mission. He spotted Dixie at the nurse's desk.

"Hey Dixie," Roy said to the harried nurse.

"So I take it Johnny accepted the MS?" Dixie asked with concern and worry.

"Yeah, no problemo. Um, have you seen Brackett around?" Roy said and looked intently at the nurse. He bit his lower lip waiting for the answer.

"Yes, I think he's in his office," Dixie said and pointed her head towards the doctor's office.

"Thanks," Roy said and headed towards Brackett's office. He head Dixie calling but he wanted to talk to Brackett.

Knocking on the door he entered Brackett's spacious office. He found the doctor hunched over paperwork. He looked up at Roy.

"Roy."

"Doc."

"I guess you're here for Gage?" Brackett asked as he stood up from behind his desk.

"Yeah, Doc. I have one question for ya," Roy said forcibly.

"What's that?" Brackett asked and crossed his arms.

"Johnny wants transferred to St. Francis. The only thing I need to know is if you're going to help me or not," Roy asked and willing to stand his ground.


	28. Chapter 28

PS28

AS the MS took effect, Johnny had a hard time keeping his eyes open. He knew he couldn't relax completely until he was out of Rampart. Everything about this hospital set him on edge. God knows what Brackett, _et al_ had told to the rest of the emergency room staff. Donaldson was a carbon copy of Brackett, stiff and uncaring. His jaws were clenched partly by pain, partly by memories.

Try as he might he couldn't forget word for word Brackett's damning testimony in both his hearing and court battle. Brackett's voice was bereft of emotion, clinical and uncaring. Wrapping his arms around his chest, Nurse McCall's testimony was halting and convicting at the same time. He had once thought they were friends but once again found out he was mistaken. He hoped he would get out of Rampart soon, the place gave him the creeps and his pulse still raced despite the MS.

The door opened and then the lights darkened in the treatment room. He could feel his pulse race and his respirations increase, a small trickle of sweat slid down his bare back.

"Roy," Johnny said tentatively, thinking it was one of the staff wanted to finish the job Brackett started.

"I'm here, Junior. Ride's on its way," Roy said with confidence.

Johnny felt Roy pick up his hand.

"Damnnitt," Roy hissed, "I'll be right back partner." He looked at the dried blood on Johnny's hands. John's own blood since no doubt he was the one to put pressure on it until the paramedics arrived.

Johnny nodded wondering what had upset his friend further.

"Just close your eyes and relax Johnny. You'll be at St. Francis in no time," Roy said and then he felt something warm on his hand.

"Huh," Johnny said and turned towards his friend.

"I'm wiping the blood from your hands. You think someone would get a freaking clue," Roy hissed and continued to take care of the other hand.

"Wonder why my hands felt so weird. Thanks Roy. Man do I owe you again," Johnny said quietly.

"You don't owe me anything Johnny. Not one damn thing okay," Roy dried his hands and put them under the blanket. "Still cold?" Roy asked.

"Yeah, real cold, but I'll be okay really," Johnny shrived and tried to convince himself he was warm.

"Be right back," Roy said and disappeared.

The next thing he knew he was cocooned in a warm blanket, forcing himself to stay awake but finally giving into his exhaustion.

Johnny woke up again to Roy's worried eyes and looked at the illuminated clock. 4 a.m.

"Hey Roy," Johnny croaked. "I'm damn sorry about this. I mean shift starts in a few hours and you're stuck here. Man, just go home when my ride gets here."

"Hey partner are you calling me old?" Roy asked, his blue eyes twinkling and a hint of smile on his lips.

"Um, no Roy it's just..." Johnny got flustered, his brain muddled from the drugs and loss of blood.

"Well how many all-nighters did we pull together huh? Do you think this one is going to bother me?" Roy asked again seeing the contrite face of his friend.

"Well no, but Roy, man…"

"Excuse me," Dixie's voice cut through the conversation.

"Be right back," Roy winked and walked to Dixie.

"Um, Roy the ambulance is here, but Donaldson wants another bag of Plasmate and MS for the ride to St. Francis," Dix explained as she handed him a syringe filled with MS along with Johnny's medical file.

"No problem I'll do it. Send the guys in, will ya," Roy nodded and then turned back to his friend. He went quickly to work, hanging up another bottle of plasmate and putting in the shot of MS into the IV port. "See what did I tell you?"

The ambulance techs came in with the gurney and started to load Johnny on it.

"You take good care of my friend here, huh," Roy explained, happy to finally be on their way. The MS worked quickly and Johnny was falling asleep again.

Roy followed his friend and gurney out to the emergency entrance and watched as they loaded his injured friend into the ambulance.

"I'll see you at the hospital," Roy squeezed Johnny's shoulder, closed the door and watched as the ambulance pulled away.

"Hey Roy," Dixie walked up to Roy.

"Hey, Dixie," Roy started to walk to his car.

"Roy, um, keep me posted on Johnny huh," Dix asked.

"I got to go now. Um, see you later," Roy waved and then headed to his car.

On the drive to St. Francis, Roy thought of the pain Johnny had suffered so far. Biting his lower lip, Johnny hadn't been the only one having secrets. In the pre dawn drive to the hospital Roy couldn't get the crushed face of his friend out of his mind.

_Roy had been working his shift and was bringing their first patient of the day. He noticed something different at the hospital. The usual suspects weren't there. Brackett, Early, Morton and McCall were missing. Then he heard the nurses talking about the hearing and knew exactly what they were talking about._

_After dinner he phoned Johnny only to hear the phone ring. He continued until lights out and realized he'd have to see his friend in the morning._

_He had knocked four times on the door before Johnny opened up. John's eyes were bloodshot, his was in his T-shirt, slacks and socks. His jacket and tie threatened to slide off the chair. Beer bottles littered John's apartment floor._

_Sitting down, John looked at his best friend._

"_It's over man," Johnny said, "The fucking fat lady has sung." He sighed, put his head to his chest and sat quietly._

"_Johnny," Roy tried comforting him._

"_NO, man," Johnny shook his head. "You know what hurt the worst. I mean all along they string you along and you start to believe 'em. Then when it comes down to it, they," Johnny pantomimed an arrow going to his heart and gave him a mock slap on the head._

"_I trusted those bastards and look what they did."_

_Roy sighed heavily._

"_Oh man I'm sorry Roy. You still have to work with them. Man," Johnny shook his head._

"_It's all right Johnny," Roy assured him. "I understand. Now is there anything I can do for you?"_

"_No, man - you've been here the whole time. Shit, Roy, you should go home. I got some stuff to do, kay," Johnny stood up and turned a shade green. "Don't worry pally I don't plan on doing this anytime soon."_

"_Promise," Roy grinned._

"_Promise," Johnny grinned back._

What Roy hadn't told Johnny was after he left, he had slowly removed the friendliness and casualness he once had with the staff of Rampart. Taking a page from his rule book partner he had become more professional, because he never knew when it might save his ass someday.

Roy pulled his car into an open parking spot near the emergency entrance of St. Francis; he watched Johnny's ambulance back up. One day he would tell his friend about his change of heart regarding Rampart and the knowledge he knew they would never work together again.

Getting out of his car, Roy stretched and headed towards the emergency room doors. Again he tailed the gurney and followed it into a treatment room, he clutched John's medical chart in his hand.

A doctor waited who seemed to know Johnny well.

"Hey, I'm Roy DeSoto," Roy offered his hand before the doctor started his examination, "And this is for you."

The doctor took his hand and the file.

"So you're Roy DeSoto," the doctor looked him over. "I'm Doc Fishburn. I've heard about you."

Roy didn't know whether to act offended or delighted.

"Don't worry; I'm on John's side. Although I don't think he knows it. Having paramedic John Gage here has elevated our standards somewhat. Give me a few minutes to check out your friend and then well talk," Fishburn pointed to a place in the treatment room.

"Hey, John," Fishburn woke him up.

"Huh?" Johnny shook the cobwebs out of his mind and opened his eyes. "Hey, Doc. So I finally made it."

"Yes back at St. Francis. You don't mind if I check my colleagues' work do you?" the ER doctor asked.

"Nope, wouldn't mind a bit. Don't trust 'em you know," Johnny mumbled.

Fishburn looked at Roy.

"Oh, it's okay. I won't say a word, but I need your help though. I need to cut this bandage off to check his sutures. Then we'll wrap and start a round of antibiotics. Don't want to chance peritonitis."

Fishburn was quick, efficient and gentle. Before long, John was wrapped again, undressed and given some scrubs. He still had IV's but looked at his tired friend.

"Well, Doc, will you reassure Roy here I'm in good hands so he can get home to see his family before shift?" Johnny asked.

"You heard, Roy. His room is all ready. Don't worry we'll take good care of him," Fishburn winked as the orderlies came in.

"And Roy don't come back after shift, you need your sleep. I don't need you having an accident on my account. Okay Pally?" Johnny grinned and waved as he headed up to his room.

"Thanks Doc," Roy offered his hand again to Fishburn.

"My pleasure. I'd say John was right. Take care of yourself," Fishburn followed the gurney to the elevator and Roy headed out of the ER.


	29. Chapter 29

PS29

Johnny waved goodbye to Roy as he headed out of his room. He couldn't talk his best friend at leaving until he was settled into a room. He had a sneaking suspicion Roy and Fishburn were in cahoots.

Physically and mentally exhausted, Johnny gave in and slept through most of the day. He never even felt the nurses taking his vitals or checking his IVs. Even his thin hospital gown didn't prevent him from getting much needed sleep. His arm thrown over his eyes he fell into peaceful oblivion.

Thankfully Roy didn't show up in the morning, Johnny hoped his friend got some much needed sleep. Mentally reviewing the shift schedule he knew Roy would have three days off. Unfortunately, he couldn't find a comfortable position in bed, no matter how he lowered his bed or moved his pillows he felt his belly being pulled at.

Things didn't look brighter in the morning, Johnny figured this was his third strike and he would be out on his ass. Thankfully he knew he could find a paramedic job as far north as Sacramento and far south as San Diego. After breakfast he turned the TV on at a low volume, seeing he didn't have a roommate. He lay there brooding waiting for the final blow.

It wasn't long before his captain walked through his room door. His superior was dressed in civvies; Johnny thought maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

"Gage," Cap said smartly. His look of concern and worry was new for him, Martinez; he thought didn't give a rat's ass for anyone but himself.

"Cap," John heavily sighed unconsciously.

"How you doin?" Cap came closer to his bed.

"As well as can be expected. I guess I know why you're here, huh." John stated bluntly, hoping to ease the pain as he noted the serious look on his superior's face.

"You do, do you?" Cap smiled. "Well the reason I'm here is to see how you are and how long you are going to be out."

"You mean I'm not fired?" Johnny said in shock.

"No. Did you know this woman had a crazy ex boyfriend?" Cap crossed his arms.

"Well no, I mean she didn't tell me anything and well…" Johnny's hands went up in the air in vexation.

"Good, then how long Gage?" Cap said in all seriousness.

"Um, a couple of weeks I guess," Johnny shrugged, his belly pulled at the movement, making him grimace slightly.

"Well, make it sooner; it's harder than hell to get replacements at our station. Take care," Cap waved and left him alone.

Johnny finally let out the breath he was holding, he still had a job. He still had a job.

After lunch he got another visitor, LA County Sheriff Vince Howard.

"Hey Vince," Johnny smiled but knew Vince was here on official business. He fidgeted under the sheets, knowing whatever Vince had to say it wasn't good.

"You know Johnny you're a hard man to find. I went to Rampart and they told me you transferred here," Vince came closer to his bed. Vince's frown was deeper and his eyes spoke of sadness.

"Yeah well, um, it's complicated. Figured you're here to take my statement?" Johnny said and looked grim.

"Not exactly, we had enough witnesses at the party," Vince reassured him as he patted his pocket with his notebook.

"The girl, you found her then?" Johnny asked hopefully.

Vince sighed. "Murder -suicide."

"Oh," Johnny pulled up his blanket and suddenly felt chilled. His heart sank, he had been hoping for a happy ending. But so far his luck hadn't held out.

"Johnny you didn't know she had a restraining order against the guy. No one at the party knew. So it wasn't your fault," Vince patted Johnny on the shoulder. "You get some rest, okay."

"Yeah Vince and thanks for letting me know," Johnny frowned and watched Vince leave. He definelty wasn't in the mood for any visitors.

Johnny pulled up his covers, sunk into his bed and fell into blissful sleep.

The nurse woke him up for dinner. He looked at the unappetizing meal, preferring to drink his milk, coffee and ate his roll. Moving his plate on his food he didn't notice his visitor.

"Oh I'm sorry, am I interrupting your meal?" A feminine invoice inquired.

Johnny looked up from his congealing meal to a pretty face. She had deep brown eyes; her brown hair fell around her bright smile. She wore blue jeans, a red peasant top and tennis shoes. Her white canvas handbag hung carelessly off her shoulder.

"Um no, you're not," Johnny said and pushed the offending plate away.

"I heard you were hurt and I brought you these," she handed him a few magazines.

"Um, thanks," Johnny grinned still trying to place the vision of loveliness in front of him.

"You don't know who I am do you?" She asked, her brown eyes twinkled with a hint of laughter.

Johnny shook his head, "No, should I?" He was still confused.

"I guess since we didn't meet under the best of circumstances. I was having a bad night and you didn't help," she explained.

Johnny was still confused.

"Maybe this will help," the woman pulled back her hair and then he recognized her.

"You're a social worker?" Johnny was surprised.

"Yes I'm not an ogre you know, besides I think we were both having a bad night, she giggled. "I'm Sandra Brown." She took something out of her purse, scribbled something on the back and handed it to him. "You know you have quite a reputation at this hospital."

"Um, a reputation?" Johnny shrugged another thing he didn't need.

"No a good one. Most of the cops and paramedics could care less about the family members of the victims. I can't tell you how many times I've had to take hysterical children from them. But you care, about them, I mean. You make my job a lot easier," Sandra smiled again.

"Um, thanks. I do care and yeah sometimes I don't have a good shift. I'm sorry if I took it out on you," Johnny apologized.

"I guess we all have our bad days, anyway, my card is to call me. I thought we'd have coffee and talk, about our jobs," Sandra smiled again, wilting his resolve.

"Yeah about that," Johnny started only to see her turn.

"I'd better be going. Good night," Sandra waved and left.

Left alone, Johnny held onto the simple card. He didn't have a chance to tell her he had sworn off women completely. Any woman lately had meant trouble. Sighing he placed back on his bed table and yawned. It had been a busy day and he needed sleep. Turning out the light, he hoped to get good night's sleep.


	30. Chapter 30

PS30

Johnny was getting tired of his flimsy hospital gown. Sure, he had a thin bathrobe and his socks but little else. Part of him was torn on calling Roy or someone else, but he couldn't get the tired look of his friend out of his mind. Roy had gone above and beyond what a friend should do.

Breakfast again was unappetizing but he forced himself to eat it or face the consequences. Finished, he sighed again, wondering when the doctors would make their rounds and hopefully release him. He could still see the woman's face, scared out of her mind as her ex boyfriend yanked her away. Everything happened so fast and then she was gone.

The door opened to his room, revealing Roy. Roy grinned and made his way to his bed.

"Hey Johnny," Roy waved. He came in with a paper sack.

"I sure hope you have some clothes in there pally," Johnny pointed to the sack "and my ticket out of here."

"Yeah I sure do," Roy came over and sat the sack on the foot of the bed. He stuck his hands in his pockets and had a pensive look.

"So does that mean what I think it means?" Johnny was grinning, thankful to get out of the hospital. Although he thought something was off on his friend's actions.

"Well about that Johnny," Roy hesitated as the door opened up again.

"What the hell!" Johnny's jaw dropped open. "What are you doing here?" He stared at Barney Olsen, Esq.

"Roy I guess you didn't get a chance…" Barney started and looked surprised.

"You—You talked to this bastard!" Johnny was livid. Olsen refused to even listen to him when he got sued.

"Will you just calm down Johnny," Roy said trying to calm his friend.

"How can I calm down? That…that bastard…do you know what he called me Roy? Do you huh? Wouldn't even listen to me. GET THE HELL OUT!" Johnny pointed his arm out, it stretched his belly but he didn't care.

"Johnny, please," Roy begged, lowering his arm. "Just listen to him okay?"

Johnny looked into his friend's pleading blue eyes and then at Olsen. "Two minutes."

"That's not much time," Olsen begged.

"One minute, forty five seconds," Johnny crossed his arms across his chest.

"All right, I called Roy here. I heard about the settlement along with year of back pay." Barry explained.

Johnny still looked at the traitor.

"So I talked to Roy, hoping to offer my services to get your back pay." Barney offered looking contritely.

"I can't afford you," Johnny stated succinctly and didn't even care if the lawyer offered anything.

"I owe you Johnny." Barney surmised, "Please."

"You owe me? Hell you didn't even believe me. Why should I trust you?" Johnny asked. He looked at the smug lawyer knowing how much it cost him to apologize. Not that he couldn't use the money and it was stupid to cut his nose off.

"You can't. I understand. I'll do it pro bono and I'll get it to you within six weeks," Barney promised.

Johnny looked at Roy. Roy barely nodded.

"All right," Johnny grudgingly offered his hand, wondering why he let Roy talk him into it.

Barney made a hasty retreat, humming as he left.

Johnny glared at Roy.

"You have some explaining to do partner."

"Yeah, well," Roy's hands went up.

"Ah I see you're here," Doctor Fishburn made an appearance.

"Yes just like you requested," Roy grinned.

"Hey what about me? Am I getting out of here doc?" Johnny asked anxiously. He looked at Fishburn and his friend. Roy had a conspirator smile and so did the doctor.

"Yes, John you are getting out of the hospital," Fishburn took his chart. "You'll be leaving with Roy and staying at his house."

"Now wait one damn minute Doc," Johnny tried to contain his anger. He had gotten himself in this mess and didn't want his best friend dealing with it anymore than he had too.

"Johnny, look you live in a second story apartment," Roy said. "You can't climb up those stairs. Believe me I had a hernia operation and slept downstairs for a good solid two weeks."

"A hernia operation?" Johnny asked. "When was this?" Suddenly realizing how much of his best friend's life he had missed hiding out in Paradise.

"It doesn't matter, Johnny. The important thing is your room's ready and as long as you follow the doc's instructions you'll be back to work in no time," Roy explained.

Defeated Johnny agreed, knowing both his best friend and superior once again had it over him. "All right but only until I get on my feet Roy. I don't want to be a burden."

As he was changing in his room, he remembered Sandra's card. He pulled it out of the bedside table and grinned, quickly stuffing it in his sweat pants pocket.

"So what have you got there partner?" Roy asked seeing a happier face on his friend.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Johnny said, happy to be out of the dreaded hospital.

%%%%%

Johnny was ready to head for home, glad it was just Roy and him. They were sitting at the dining room table. Joanne was a teacher's assistant for Chris's class. Breakfast was done and both men were enjoying a cup of coffee. Truth be told, Johnny was sorry to leave the DeSoto's, but he might be able to change his circumstance.

"Hey Roy," Johnny cleared his throat. "Could I run something by you?" His eyes were questioning as Roy's blue eye's met his.

Roy looked at his friend. "Sure." Curious as to what Johnny had to ask since he'd been back at the DeSoto's for a week. Roy sat hunched forward, his fingers interlaced and waited.

"Well, um, I got to thinking what's the difference between 51s and where I'm at now, you know," Johnny half smiled.

"Yeah." Roy waited. _Yeah you're in a fricken hell hole._

"Well other than the guys trying to kill each other, we don't do intramural sports. You know softball, bowling and basketball. Do you think if maybe, now I mean maybe if the guys did it, we'd be a better team?" Johnny asked unsure of what he could do.

"I dunno Johnny, it depends on the guys," Roy licked his lips. "I mean you got to get the Cap behind it otherwise it's goin to crash and burn, you know."

Johnny exhaled and then looked at his friend. "Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of. Bowling's coming up."

"Yeah, bowling's coming up," Roy grinned, not having the heart to tell him, 51s A shift had long abandoned intramural sports since he had left.

"Hey all he can do is say 'no', right?" Johnny's suddenly found the back of his hand interesting.

"Yeah, Johnny, all he can do is say no." Roy said, hoping his friend's plan went through to make his tenure at 118 bearable.

Before heading home Johnny had a stop to make. Now or never he figured. He pulled his car in front of the station, maybe to make a quick retreat if needed.

Knocking on the door, he found his cap in the office, doing paperwork.

"Gage, what in the hell are you doing here? You're not back for another week right?" Martinez looked at him, annoyed and frustrated. Paperwork was strewn all over the desk and the sour expression on his superior's face made him regret his decision.

"Yeah, about that, Cap," Johnny walked to the door and closed it.

Martinez became quiet and confused.

"Well, Cap I have to ask you something," Johnny stammered, not like his whole career rested on this simple request.

"I'm waiting Gage. I don't have all day," Martinez said with anger.

"Uh…well Cap I've been thinking and at my old station we were really into intramural sports and I think we made a pretty good team. Not saying you, or I mean like we don't have one too, but I think…well it might make us a hell of a lot better," Johnny said, feeling like he had run up ten flights of stairs geared up.

"So you think intramural sports will make us better?" Martinez steepled his fingers together, making Johnny squirm in his chair.

"Yeah I don't think it could hurt. Could it?" Johnny surmised, and grinned hopefully sweet reason would come into play.

What seemed like forever Martinez sighed. Shifting in his chair it creaked along with the ticking of the large clock in the office. He held his pen in his hand and looked at he paramedic.

"All right. I know bowling is coming up. Now if you can get everyone onboard, now I'm saying if. You have to be in charge, because I don't have time for this shit," Martinez stated.

"But Cap, you can be on the team at least. I mean it would make it so much better if you could…."

"Fine, I'll be on the team but don't expect me to go to practice. I have a family that's more important. If you don't have anything else, get the hell out of my office. I have work to do," the cap ordered.

Standing up, John offered his superior his hand. "Thanks Cap. I really do appreciate this." Martinez swatted his hand out of the way.

"Get out of my office Gage. I don't want to see you again until you're cleared for duty," Martinez pointed at the door.

"Sure Cap and thanks again." Johnny grinned, open and shut the door. He couldn't quite remember how he made it home.

%%%%%%

Johnny sat across the table and looked at Sandra. Sandra had mentioned a coffee shop by her apartment to meet for coffee. For the first time in his life he felt no pressure to impress her. They were friends and nothing else. Platonic friends who would share horror stories and help support each other. Besides like he had told Roy he had sworn off women and any romantic entanglements.

"Um, thanks for agreeing to coffee," Sandra smiled. "Most of the time no one wants to talk about work you know," she giggled.

Filtered sunlight hit their back booth; the coffee shop was past the breakfast and lunch rush. A few other patrons were enjoying a late lunch. Sandra and he had gotten pie and coffee and the hours seem to disappear.

"Hey I liking talking shop, especially with someone who cares, you know," Johnny said back, glad to have a friend.

"Well let me tell you. You've made a world of difference. The children you bring in are manageable. Half the time I spend half the night just calming the poor kids down. I mean sometimes the foster homes are good but frankly I hate them," Sandra sipped at her coffee.

"I think I understand," Johnny looked into his coffee cup.

"Really? How? I told you I was in the system. You turn 18 and then nothing. Thankfully I had a caring foster family I was able to get scholarships and stuff. Three fourths of the kids in the system aren't that lucky," Sandra sighed and wiped at her eyes.

Johnny reached over and squeezed her free hand.

"Hey you made it out alive and are making a difference. That's what's its all about right?" Johnny grinned.

"Yeah, that's what's its all about," Sandra looked at her watch. "Well I have to go. Big date tonight."

"Sure and I enjoyed talking. I've been back a week and it feels like a month, you know," Johnny sighed; "besides I have to go too. Our first big practice. Hopefully you won't get a call from me to bail me out."


	31. Chapter 31

PS31

Johnny shifted nervously from one foot to the other and then checked his watch. The bowling alley was full of life; rock music was in the background along with people laughing, the sound of crackling bowling pins and the smooth comforting sounds of balls on wood.

He looked around the bowling alley for his crew mates, they certainly weren't friends and his Cap agreeing basically floored him. Johnny had both rental shoes and ball, in his old life he would have never considered such sacrilege, but tough times called for tough measures. Although to please Roy he went to Sears and got himself two dozen plain white socks.

Manny showed up first, bowling shoes flung over his shoulders and a shiny leather bowling bag.

"So, you showed," Manny said as he put his bag on the floor, sat on the hard plastic seat. He took off his grungy tennis shoes, opened the bag, taking out the swirly turquoise ball and placing it in the holder. Quickly changing shoes, Johnny watched the whole time, his mouth open in sheer shock.

"You bowl, man?" Johnny said with sheer excitement.

"Hey man, I don't bowl with no gringos. Me and my homies bowl I'm only doing this cause of the cap," Manny spat out.

Again reminding Johnny of his circumstances.

"Man, cause of the cap?" Johnny now sat down. "Why the Cap? Hell he wasn't to keen on this idea."

"Well cap changed his mind, thinking it would be a fucking feather in his cap, you know brownie points and kissn' ass," Manny laughed and pointed.

The rest of the motley crew showed up and not too happy. Not that Johnny didn't appreciate it, but he wanted some one to actually want to be here.

So after three long hours, he found out every guy bowled, but not with the station. Johnny knew they didn't stand a chance in hell of winning but at least they weren't trying to kill each other. But man he was beat.

Johnny waved at he walked to his cycle, thankful he didn't have to worry about bowling balls or shoes.

Tomorrow he would be on shift, another day in paradise.

Roy got up early, on his day off; he knew he was anxious; hell Johnny had his first bowling practice. He did wonder if he'd be seeing Johnny on the news or in the papers but there was nothing.

The kids were off to school and Joanne had gone grocery shopping, leaving him alone. He had turned on the TV, flipped through a magazine and glanced at the clock. 9 A.M. 9 A.M. too early to call. Hell Johnny could have had a terrible shift, correction every shift at 118 was terrible. No longer able to contain himself, Roy went to the phone and punched in the numbers.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

Johnny's eyes opened to a slit. They had battled a three story apartment fire at three A.M. The building was old and decrepit, they were recovering and not rescuing, and he had eaten too much smoke.

.Ring.

Johnny opened his eyes and looked at his clock radio, 9:15 A. closed his eyes again but knew he wouldn't be able to get back to sleep. Reaching over he picked up the handset of the phone.

"Hullo," his voice smoky as he coughed.

"Johnny you okay?" Roy said worried and filled with anxiety.

"Yeah, Roy, just had a bad night. Something wrong?" Johnny said and then sat up; worried he should have called Roy after the bowling practice.

"Yeah, I'm fine…I was just checking on how the practice went," Roy blushed, realizing he had called a bad time.

"Oh, it went better than I expected. All the guys know how to bowl, just not with each other," Johnny explained and then coughed again.

"Um, want to come over for lunch?" Roy asked innocently, hearing the sadness in Johnny's voice.

Johnny ran his free hand over his face and even though his apartment was nice, he could use some company.

"Um yeah, I'll be there in an hour or so," Johnny said, suddenly feeling better knowing he would be seeing his best friend.

"Good. Good. We'll have leftovers," Roy said. _Then you'll stay for dinner._

"Bye," Johnny said.

"Bye," Roy said and hung up.

Getting out of bed, Johnny needed to really clean up and knew he had a lot to tell Roy.

%%%%%

Sitting on the back porch, Johnny nursed a soda, while Roy enjoyed a beer. Lunch was satisfying if nothing more than the company.

"Wow. that was good lunch there pally," Johnny grinned and patted his stomach. "You're going to ruin my girlish figure."

Roy turned and glared at him, then smiled.

"Johnny, I told you, our door is always open and I mean it," Roy said and grinned.

"What?" Johnny said and looked at himself. "My fly open or something."

Roy grinned again and blushed.

"Huh hey Roy are you okay man?" Johnny said and stood up.

"I'm okay," Roy waved him off. "Will you just sit down."

Johnny huffed and sat down.

"So have you checked your mail?" Roy said as his blue eyes shined.

"Why?" Johnny asked suddenly suspicious.

"Well I heard from Olsen and he said you should be getting your check soon," Roy said and grinned with glee.

"Oh," Johnny said with hesitation. "Hey I'll believe when I see it and not before."

Roy shrugged, knowing his happy go lucky go friend was now cynical and wary.

"Well, he said they should be sending you back pay, tax free!" Roy said excited. "So what will you do with it?"

"Do with what?" Johnny said and stared out into the yard.

"The money, doofus," Roy said with concern.

"I dunno probably put in the bank. My rainy day fund, you know," Johnny said and looked at his watch, 4 P.M."Hey man it's getting late I should go." He stood up.

Roy stood up and then smelt the rolled pork roast Joanne was cooking for dinner.

"No man you're staying for dinner, unless you got a hot date. Besides we have tomorrow off too," Roy elbowed his friend.

"Are you sure Roy? I mean haven't I eaten you out of house and home enough," Johnny said and shook his head.

"No, Johnny besides I can never repay you for what you did," Roy whispered, finally telling his best friend of the sacrifice he had made.

"Roy, man, it was worth it okay, but man I …"

Joanne came out into the patio.

"Dinner in about an hour. The kids are finishing up their homework and then we can set the table." Joanne smiled, walked over to Johnny and looked him in his misting brown eyes.

"And you are staying for dinner," Joanne put a finger in his chest.

"Yes, ma'am."

Johnny nursed his coffee as he waited for Sandy; last shift maybe had been the worst, along with the disastrous first bowling event of the league. His crew mates lived up to their reputations. He shook his head in disgust and then looked up.

Sandy seemed to be glowing, so at least someone had a good thing happen.

"Johnny, sorry I'm late," Sandy said as she slid into the booth.

"Hey, no problem," Johnny yawned and signaled for the waitress.

The waitress filled Sandy's upturned cup with coffee, refreshed Johnny's and then gave them both menus.

Both nodded and looked at the menu, and then sat it down.

"I think I know the menu by heart," Sandy said and looked at her lunch mate.

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Johnny said and set down the menu, signaled the waitress.

She came over quickly, took their orders and then left.

"Johnny, what's wrong?" Sandy took a sip of her coffee, and then reached over for the cream and sugar.

"Oh nothing, the whole bowling league is a joke is all. Lucky we didn't get our lunch handed to us is all," Johnny took a sip of his refreshed coffee.

"C'mon Johnny it couldn't have been that bad?" Sandra smiled as their food was brought.

Johnny took a huge bite out of his burger and chewed with reflection.

"Yeah, you're right," Johnny finished chewing and swallowed, "we didn't end up on the six o clock news."

Sandra laughed and took a bite of her salad.

"I'm being serious; I swear the guys must have at least a six pack before they showed up. Called our opponents every name in the book and they were surprised we lost the match," Johnny shook his head, dipped his fries in ketchup and ate them. "Man it was a big mistake. John Gage does it again."

"Johnny, you're doing good. I mean you didn't end up in jail, right?" Sandra laughed.

"Yeah, yeah I guess it was all right then," Johnny said and smiled. "Thanks."

"Hey that's what friends are for," Sandy laughed again.


	32. Chapter 32

PS32

Johnny nursed his coffee as he waited for Sandy, he didn't mind waiting for her. Somehow she made life a little more bearable. Looking up, Sandy waved from the front of the diner and headed to his table. She was wearing a printed yellow sundress, which made her hair shine brighter along with her smile. To him she practically glowed.

He started to stand up.

"Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you, you don't have to get up," Sandy said as she slid into the booth.

"Sorry," Johnny shrugged, "manners are too ingrained I guess. So how was your week?"

"Can I get a cup of coffee first?" Sandy giggled.

Their waitress came over and got their orders. Regulars now she didn't even have to write it down. Leaving them alone Sandy sighed.

"Oh Johnny the conference was just the best," Sandy grinned, "I met another social worker by the name of Gerald McRaney, he has opened my eyes."

"Really," Johnny asked, wondering how working in the hell hole of the county wasn't enough to open anyone's eyes.

"Oh, silly, I don't mean that, but there are some new policies and procedures coming which will change my job and social work in its entirely," Sandy said as her pie and coffee were delivered.

For the next hour, Sandy went on and on about her new friend, Gerald, but Johnny didn't care since seeing Sandy was always the highlight of his week

515151515151515151515151515511551

Johnny slowly sipped his beer as he watched Roy grill the burgers, he had offered to help many times but Roy had refused.

"C'mon Johnny you look beat," Roy offered as he sat the cooked burgers on the picnic table in the backyard. Joanne and the kids eagerly filled their plates, and then Johnny got up and fixed his.

Two burgers with everything, potato chips, beans, potato salad and Waldorf salad filled his plate. It was the 4th of July and thankfully both of them weren't on duty. He has asked Sandy to join him and the DeSoto's but she was doing something with Gerald. Lately for the past few months it was all he heard about Gerald, it didn't bother him for the time being. Just seeing Sandy was enough.

But as the day progressed, he watched Chet with his new girlfriend, Marco with his and Mike with his wife. He kept his thoughts to himself as he joked and laughed with the rest of them.

"Hey, Gage," Chet came over with another beer for him. "When will you be bringing a girl here?"

"Hey, Chet," Johnny hissed. "Give me a break will ya. I'm still trying to keep my job."

Chet raised his hands up.

"Sorry babe, I was just asking. You do deserve someone Johnny you really do. You've been through the ringer and back again," Chet said solemnly.

"I know Chet," Johnny sighed and wished Sandy had said yes to the bar-b-que.

Hours later as he was helping the DeSoto's clean up after another successful bar-b-que, Johnny sat down on the grass.

"Damn. Damn. Damn. I could I have been so stupid. Damn I'm in so much trouble!" Johnny lamented as he started picking at the grass.

Hearing the commotion and the word trouble Roy walked purposefully to his friend.

"Johnny," Roy said laced with worry. "How are you in trouble?"

Roy joined Johnny on the grass.

"You know Sandy?" Johnny said frowning.

"Yeah your social worker friend, why?" Roy asked gently.

"Well Roy I think I've fallen in love with her," Johnny sighed heavily and concentrated looking at the back of his hand.

"Well I don't see a problem with that," Roy grinned hoping his friend had found some much needed happiness.

"Weeelll I think she's in love with someone else. You know Roy my timing always stinks," Johnny shook his head, wondering why he tried at all.

"Taking a break, "Joanne came over and looked at her husband and Johnny.

"Johnny's in love!" Roy said and grinned.

"That's great Johnny. She's one lucky girl, "Joanne joined the men on the grass.

"No, I'm afraid my timing's off. She's in love with someone else." Johnny sighed.

"What makes you think that?" Joanne asked

"Uh I don't know anytime we meet, she goes on and on about this guy. That's the reason she's not here. She's with him. Forget it," Johnny stood up, wiped the grass from his pants. "It's hopeless. You know, three strikes you're out, only I was never in the game. I got to go."

"Now, wait one minute, Johnny," Joanne stood up and grasped Johnny's forearm. "It may be an infatuation; she may be trying to get you jealous."

Roy stood up too and stood beside Joanne.

"Joanne," Johnny protested.

"The only way you're going to know for sure is to ask her." Joanne stated with finality.

"Sure, why not," Johnny whined, "I mean what's another broken heart with all the shit I've been through."

"Johnny, wait. You know Joanne has a point," Roy had taken his wife's hands. "Remember we'll be here for you either way."

Johnny looked at both of his friends. He knew in his heart they were right. He couldn't go pining for a woman he could never have and if need be he would move on.

51515151515

Johnny waited nervously for Sandy at the diner. The last three times she had canceled saying she was busy. Busy with Gerald no doubt.

As she walked through the diner door, Johnny stood up and then sat back down again. How was he going to get through this? He tried to act casual as he sipped his coffee, his leg bouncing up and down and watched as she walked to their booth.

"Hey," Johnny said as Sandy slid into the booth.

The waitress showed up and took Sandy's order.

"Um, iced tea and a fruit plate," Sandy said and blushed. "Gerald thinks I should be eating better."

_Gerald. I'm doomed._

"So how have you been?" Sandy said as she sipped her glass of water.

"Um, fine and you?" Johnny said and looked into Sandy's eyes. He was going to wait until after they had eaten but he couldn't wait.

"Um, Sandy, can I ask you a personal question?" Johnny asked as he played with his coffee cup handle.

"Johnny, we can talk about anything," Sandy giggled.

"Well, um, it's about Gerald," Johnny said feeling like an ass. He cleared his throat.

"What about Gerald?" Sandy asked defensively.

Johnny knew he was in trouble but continued on.

"Do you love him?" Johnny blurted out and waited.

What seemed like an eternity , Sandy answered.

"Yes, I think I do. Why?" Sandy questioned as Johnny's heart busted up into a million pieces.

"I've got to go," Johnny slid out from the diner, knocking his coffee on the table.

"Johnny," Sandy called out and he stopped.

"Oh, yeah," he pulled a $5 bill out of his pocket and threw it on the table. He walked deliberately out of the diner. Getting on this cycle he revved it up, burned rubber on the asphalt and headed his bike towards the mountain


End file.
